[gymlee]

So today was my first day back to school for my second degree a BS in Dietetics thanks to my personal journey with wellness and wanting to spread the message. I was very excited but kind of nervous going back especially since I am taking a nutrition course this semester even though I wanted to wait until I was a little bit small because a fat girl in a nutrition class is kind of like an oxy-moron. Anyway, I ended up taking this class because it was really the only thing being offered this semester that had open seats and would count towards my degree (I ended up registering late). So today was the first day and it was all well and good until the professor made us each stand up and tell the class a little bit about ourselves. I was like "Oh man by at least sitting down I think I look somewhat normal and not so heavy and now she wants me to stand up to show every fit person in the class just how fat I am??? UUUUggggh!!!" So I was nervous but I stood up anyway and in the process my shirt got caught on my binder which then knocked it over which in turn made me lose my concentration on what I was saying so I felt like a babbling, fat, klutz. I felt like as I stood up there everyone was judging me thinking "What the **** is this girl doing in this class/program?" It was awful!! I felt their eyes piercing into me and I felt as if I couldn't stand up there another minute! I just wanted to run out of the classroom as soon as possible because now everyone knows me as the stupid, klutzy fat girl. I just hate feeling like I'm being judged and I hate caring what people think.

Well it doesn't seem like there is much point to this post besides the fact that I'm bothered by how I am physically (even though I'm changing) and being in this nutrition class at the same time. I know I have made changes and I've come a long way, but this class filled with beautiful, fit people makes me realize just how much more I have to go and makes it seem impossibly unattainable and that they're judging me the FAT girl in the NUTRITION class.

I don't know why but I'm incredibly annoyed by this right now. I guess I'm just look for some words of encouragement or some perspective or something... please help!

[4me4mygirls]

We judge ourselves far more harshly than anyone else. I'm sure they were probably focusing on what they were going to say when they had to speak in front of the class. I took a health class in college and I was obese at the time and I don't think anyone judged me.

You should be so proud of your accomplishments! Pride in yourself will lead to self-confidence which is obvious by the way you speak and carry yourself, not by your weight.

Be proud and confident and others will judge you to be a person that cares about themself, and when you share your reasons for adding this degree, then they will see that you also care about others!

[iriswhispers]

I'd say most of your classmates probably weren't judging you like that... I think in our heads we tend to feel as though we are being judged when it's not always the case.

I'm really klutzy myself which always makes me nervous about what people are thinking about me - but I realize that when someone else trips or drops something or whatever, I'm not judging them, and that helps.

[time2lose]

Sorry that you had such a bad first day.

I agree that you probably judge yourself much harder than anyone else does. I think that it is great that you are going for this degree. Your struggle with weight will help you in your career because you can empathize with others having the same struggle.

I would much rather see a dietitian that has gone through an experience similar to mine than someone who has always been skinny.

[cooperistic]

I agree that we judge ourselves way more than anyone else. If anything, I bet you they were thinking that obviously this girl is ready to change her life and inspire others with her story. The majority of nutritionists, trainers etc. that I have known used to have an unhealthy lifestyle which is why they are able to reach out to people so much better than someone who has never experienced weight problems. If anything, this period in your life may serve your career and make you more empathetic and competant in helping others become more healthy.

[UglyFatFriend]

I have totally been there! I was scared to death of joining a gym because i thought all the 'fit' people in there would stare and think 'what are you DOING here?!' but i have noticed nobody even cares! If you really think about it you are there for the same reason as those people are, to learn, just gotta keep telling yourself that.

[Priscatip]

People are always way more interested in themselves than they are in you. I'm sorry it was a rough day though. Just think, now you can share all your nutritional knowledge with us! (See, more concerned about me than you.)

I completely agree with time2lose that I would much rather have a dietician who knows what they're talking about because they've been through it than someone who had never struggled with their weight before.

Think of that 27 pounds you've already lost. By the time the class is over, you'll be in Onederland!

[SamanthaJubilee]

It will be okay.

You are being to hard on yourself. Be proud of what you have committed to and if someone else doesn't like it then that is their problem. You need to tell yourself EVERY DAY just about beautiful you are inside and out!

[Bluebird]

I'm so sorry you had a rough day. I wish I could give you a hug! I think it is awesome that you are taking the class! You may be overweight but that doesn't mean you are unhealthy or do not care about nutrition. Like others have said, most people are self absorbed and don't even think anything of it.

Maybe it would help to blog about the classes and how you felt as well as what you learned. Believe it or not, this is a great experience, and you may be able to use it to help others. I bet other overweight people would love to hear about these classes from your perspective, and you can even think of it as if you are doing research on how larger people are treated in that sort of setting.

[MrsWolf]

First of all....



I have been there! It never feels good to feel like you are the centre of negative attention.

But, my friend used to tell me - "You wouldn't worry so much about what people think of you if you realized how seldom they do." Sounds harsh, but it helped me to realize that I am not in a spotlight. People have their own lives and their own insecurities. 99% of the time, they are not thinking about me, they are thinking of themselves. It helped me to be less self-conscious.

Also, I agree that it would be great to have a nutritionist who had struggled the same way I had. Experience is invaluable.

Good luck. You will do great!

Peace, Heather

[frieden]

I just hate feeling like I'm being judged and I hate caring what people think.

I know how you feel. I used to be the same way. I kept telling myself that I wasn't going to take someone's judgment to heart unless they'd given me a reason to, such as having been someone I knew to be a good friend/relative who often had good advice and my best interest at heart. Eventually, it sunk in. You have learn to care about yourself enough to live for you. No one can take care of you the way you can.

The bottom line is, some of the people are judging you (and the others in the class) and thinking negative things. It's human nature, and there's no one in the world who hasn't been on the giving and receiving end of those thoughts. Some of the people are looking at you and thinking positive thoughts. They see you making an effort, and it can be inspirational, since we all have sections of our life that need improving. Some people are absorbed in their own thoughts. There's nothing anyone can do about anyone else's silent thoughts, so you just have to focus on what's important, and what you can change.

Don't give up, and don't let your fears about what other people are thinking stop you from attaining something positive (the knowledge and class credit). When you reach your goals of getting the BS and losing the weight, you'll have a valuable perspective that will be very useful to the people you will help.

[gymlee]

Thanks ladies. I guess the thing is that people don't know my story quite yet about what I've been through so far and what I plan to do so I guess that's what has been buggin me a bit thinking that they're judging me. As of right now I'm just some fat girl in a nutrition class not a girl who's been struggling with health problems and taking the necessary steps to get my life back, who has already lost 27lbs (and counting), who is using this degree as a lifestyle change as well as a career change, and wants to use my experience to help others. Until they know that I feel like I might as well be on the moon when it comes to being understood by them and I think I'll continue to feel them judging me even if they really aren't and even though it shouldn't matter what they think. I know why I'm doing this and that it's for myself and to help others and that's all that should matter. It's just hard to break the mindset I guess and realize that really people are more into themselves than anything else. It's hard to get through the insecurities sometimes. :

[erinmagill]

My very first day of going to the gym after having my baby i was 260lbs. I chose to wear a tight tank top and shorts, knowing that I would feel uncomfortable and self conscious the whole time because I was huge and would normally have worn as many clothes as I could. I did this because I knew that by going to the gym I was making the first step to my new healthy lifestyle, and that one day when I had lost 100lbs I would remember how I felt walking into that gym and sitting on the bike and seeing my flab everywhere....and then I would be proud of how far I have come.
I guess the moral to my long post, is remember that feeling you had, and work with it. Know that at the end of this class, you wont feel that way anymore. You will have come such a long way.

[MariaMaria]

So what if some of the people in your class judge you? Is that a valid reason for you not to take the class?

[gymlee]

Just because I'm worried that someone is judging me doesn't mean that I'm not going to continue with the class. I'm one of those people that just because I'm afraid of something or bothered by something doesn't mean I stop doing what I'm doing. I hate feeling like I'm being judged but I have to take this class for not only my major but because I also need to grow stronger and this will help me to become stronger because I'll be facing the fear of being in an uncomfortable place where I feel like I'm being judged and I know that it's within those kinds of moments where true character is shaped.

It's strange that I didn't think of this before and I wasn't taking my own advice, but I guess I had to go through the process to come to this conclusion. So thanks Maria for posing those questions. That's exactly the perspective I was looking for along with everything else you other ladies have said.