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Bothered by nasty looks...

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Old 02-07-2009, 10:56 AM   #1
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Angry Bothered by nasty looks...

Let me start off by saying I am so thankful for 3FC and for all of us fighting to get healthy. I have been faithfully going to the gym and am making steady progress. I feel better, have more energy and am losing slowly. It was hard and still is hard to look at myself in the mirror at the gym plus always seeming like I am the fattest girl there. So...why did I let a snotty woman get to me? I have felt bad for a couple of days now. Why? I walked into the locker room after a work out, looking red faced and sweaty and a woman was in there with her two school aged daughters. They immediately stopped talking and just stared at me. I caught the Mom rolling her eyes at the girls about me. Normally I would have said something but I was so surprised at what I saw! What is a gym for but for people to get in shape? I haven't had a negative reaction before there but I went home upset.
My husband says to not give the b---- any power and to not quit. I am a little confused about it bothering me so much. I know I am heavy and am working on it. I have faced and laughed at some of the things that come with being fat but I am truly hurt by the look. Thanks for letting me vent. I did not go on a binge though!! So I am proud about that.
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Old 02-07-2009, 11:02 AM   #2
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Hi buttercup. You hubby is right, the b**ch is not worth it. Don't let shallow people get you down. You're doing something very productive to better yourself and that's all that matters. Now that said, I know how you feel. I know the "look". But keep yout goal in mind and keep on trucking. Before you know it, you won't be getting that look anymore and it will feel awesome. Good luck....Tanya
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Old 02-07-2009, 11:14 AM   #3
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Don't let her bring you down. Some people don't care about how others feel. Just the fact that you are going to the gym and trying to be healthy is great. Keep up the good work!!
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Old 02-07-2009, 11:37 AM   #4
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Next time, DO say something! I had that happen to me at a gym about 15 years ago. I was lifting weights and a girl said, "If you want to lose weight, you need to lift lighter." I looked at her and said, with as much pain in my voice as I could muster and as loudly as I could, "Oh my gosh, you think I'm FAT?" She was *really* embarrassed and back-pedaled and it was pretty dang funny. Everytime I saw her from then out, she would avoid my eyes quickly.
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Old 02-07-2009, 11:56 AM   #5
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Some people just can't handle others successes. Don't mind her. Take care of yourself.
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Old 02-07-2009, 11:58 AM   #6
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I think we all know that look, and the pain it causes. I, myself, have never been much for "comebacks" - why repay evil for evil? - but I hope that you can put this aside enough to focus on the good you're doing.

If this continues to bother you, or if you see her again, I would suggest just mentioning to this woman (not in front of her children) that her looks make you feel disrespected and less of a person, that becoming fit is hard, and you need all the support you can get. That may make her think twice about her actions, which may be (somewhat) unconscious.

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Old 02-07-2009, 12:26 PM   #7
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I am a firm believer that people treat others in a way that mirrors the way they feel about themselves. Meaning, people who are habitually nasty to others are usually very unhappy people. Just be glad you're not her. Can you imagine being so nasty and unhappy that you would roll your eyes like that and make that kind of judgment in front of your kids? She's teaching her kids to be cruel and judgmental and to value how someone looks over what's inside. Personally, I'd rather be overweight and A GOOD PARENT than "thin" and a lousy parent. I feel bad for those kids.

Hang in there! You're doing great! Don't let one nasty person spoil how good you've been feeling about yourself because of all the hard work you've been doing.
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Old 02-07-2009, 12:40 PM   #8
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Dont let her get you down. People like her arent happy with themselves so they have to belittle other people to make them feel better. Next time call her out on it.

I do understand how you feel about the gym and being one of the bigger people there but isnt that what a gym is for?? To get healthy!! Well dont let some rude, unhappy woman stop you from going there!!!

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Last edited by AngelMae : 02-07-2009 at 12:41 PM.
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Old 02-07-2009, 12:40 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Buttercup View Post
I walked into the locker room after a work out, looking red faced and sweaty and a woman was in there with her two school aged daughters. They immediately stopped talking and just stared at me. I caught the Mom rolling her eyes at the girls about me.
I don't get this. At all. What were they staring at/rolling their eyes at? Am I missing something here?

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Old 02-07-2009, 12:49 PM   #10
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While I know it's best to not give any validation to people like that, given that I have a big mouth that is usually in overdrive and a brain that is in neutral, I would have probably said something like, "I can lose weight, but you'll always be an ignorant snob!" Or, "watch out for the lights, your nose is so far in the air you might burn it getting out of the building."
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Old 02-07-2009, 12:57 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jennelle View Post
Next time, DO say something! I had that happen to me at a gym about 15 years ago. I was lifting weights and a girl said, "If you want to lose weight, you need to lift lighter." I looked at her and said, with as much pain in my voice as I could muster and as loudly as I could, "Oh my gosh, you think I'm FAT?" She was *really* embarrassed and back-pedaled and it was pretty dang funny. Everytime I saw her from then out, she would avoid my eyes quickly.
That is something my mom would do! If you stare back and say something, that usually makes people feel really bad. Next time, the OP should say something like "didn't you mother teach you not to stare?" or "What are you staring at? I'd like to look too!" That usually stops people cold in their tracks.

Honestly, I never understood why people stare at people in the gym. I remember when I use to workout at gyms, people would sometimes stare when I first started out because I was out of breath and clearly out of shape. It use to annoy me but then I thought "well, how am I suppose to get in shape if I never start?" and "why the heck do people stare at people in the gym who are just starting and out of shape when the gym is suppose to be the place to get in shape?" Idiots! Is the gym only suppose to be for celebrity lookalikes who have been working out six days a week their entire lives? People like that have their own issues that they need to work on. Keep doing your thing and ignore the naysayers!

ETA: If is still an issue after a while, is there another gym you can join? Some gyms are just very competitive like the gym at my first college.

Last edited by FaithBW : 02-07-2009 at 12:59 PM.
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Old 02-07-2009, 01:08 PM   #12
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Ugh...I'm so sorry this woman brought you down. What a way to start the weekend. I'm with LovesBassetts on this one. She is a terrible mother and teaching her daughters to be judgemental bigots. As my Mother-in-law would say, this woman is to pitied, not censured. She most likely came from a miserable family, and they LOVE company.
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Old 02-07-2009, 01:53 PM   #13
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Not everyone who hates themselves is nasty to other people, I'd like to defend us miserable people please!

And what about those arrogant idiots who love themselves (as in, worship) and are snobby to other people?

But on the original topic (sorry), she's a total idiot and you ought to just smile at her. She won't have a clue what to do then.

Last edited by CousinRockingChair : 02-07-2009 at 01:53 PM.
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Old 02-07-2009, 01:57 PM   #14
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Yanno the ones I really feel concern for here?

Those two daughters. We all know how much influence our parents have on our core values and behavior---especially the same sex parent. There is so much to learn about life and how to live..what a loud and clear lesson of being judgmental and so, so shallow.

What if one of them develops a weight problem? Can you imagine the self-loathing she will feel? How will she cope?

As for you Buttercup, you GO, GIRL. Can't wait to cheer you on as you keep on keepin' on.
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Old 02-07-2009, 02:26 PM   #15
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What a winch. Don't give her another thought. I love seeing people of all fitness levels and sizes at the gym. I love the rhythm and energy all of the different people bring to the room. and BTW- I am ALWAYS red and sweaty when I finish working out. I am there to WORK after all!
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