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ever blow someone off for paying u a compliment on losing weight?

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Old 01-02-2009, 12:48 AM   #1
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Hi--

This is a strange post since I don't normally act THIS rude or anything.

Earlier today, I came downstairs to find my mother and a friend of hers talking about my weight loss, etc etc.

Keep in mind, I've never liked compliments about my weight loss progress from others unless its close friends of mine or from forums like threefatchicks

I have to say, after asking my mother millions of times not to embarrass me about bragging to others in front of me about my weight loss, I finally lost my lid today and told her off - briefly & no cussing - with her friend present in the room that I did not appreciate her bragging about my weight loss to others.

I told her (all the while making sure her friend heard every word I said), that I felt embarrassed and uncomfortable every time she or her friends complimented me to my face about my weight loss. I also told her I was getting angry with her that she wasn't respecting my wishes after asking her for more than 2 years to not do that anymore.

Normally, I'd feel bad later on for being such a b*tch but today I felt good actually in telling her off. Normally, I don't like doing this, but I had just had my limit and just told her to stop.

I know she's a mom, she's proud of my progress, and this is what moms do, but I had reached my fill after more than 2 years of this. I don't think she'll stop doing it, but if it happens again in front of me, I fully intend to say the exact thing, so at least if it happens again when she has friends over they will at least remember not to say anything about my weight loss to my face.

I realize this post makes me look like the bad guy, but I had just had my limit today on compliments, ya know?

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Old 01-02-2009, 01:00 AM   #2
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Actually I do get it. I was at my mother's house this evening for a small get together, mostly family but with a few friends, and my mom would not stop talking about the fact that when we go walking together or shopping together men won't stop looking at me now. It drives me up the wall when she does this...I am 37, but it still drives me up the wall. There were a few men there who are not related to me, and it just felt soooo odd...like being under a microscope. I asked her jokingly to stop, but she kept talking about it. Like she is proud that her daughter, married 14 years and mother of three, is such a "hottie" now. I pulled her into the kitchen and talked to her about it for a bit, but she just didn't get it really. I adore my mom, but it drives me insane. Whenever I see her and she is with one of her friends, she always talks about my weight loss, what I am doing, what size I wear, etc....like I am a freakin' prize thoroughbred now or something. I KNOW she is proud of me and that parents live vicariously through their children...but it does get old sometimes.
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Old 01-02-2009, 01:12 AM   #3
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I am not comfortable with it either. Its hard for me to take compliments about anything but especially weight. I had told one friend how much I lost and it was hard for me to have a mutual 3rd friend say "Wow - So&so told me you have lost 50 pounds" But it wasnt like a secret.

She brags on my running too and that is hard for me, but maybe I need to work on ME being comfortable with praise. Especially since 90% of my weight issues are self sabotage...i.e. deep down do I feel I deserve this, etc. Maybe instead of being embarrassed I need to learn to step up and say THANKS, or as Shmeaney says...Why yes those are Size 4 jeans hugging my posterior today. Thanks for noticing! (ok, I slipped a bit and I am back out of the 4's)

It is painful for me to talk about my weight loss sometimes because I also think deep down I am embarrassed that I ever was heavy. Although I will bring it up with no embarassment. OH...I know. I feel embarrassed about it because there are other heavy women in the room usually and I dont want them to feel like I would be judging them for not doing what I did. I am hyper sensitive about making someone ELSE feel bad about their weight. My whole snarl thread wasnt about being defensive for MY sake, but being mama bear for other people who were struggling and being condescended to.
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Old 01-02-2009, 01:40 AM   #4
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I think that you just have to keep in mind that they mean well . . . My dad has been on my case about losing weight since i was 10!!! It is non-stop and I've just learned to accept it. I'm losing weight now, and I know that when it starts to be more noticeable he will be talking about it all the time to anyone who will listen. I don't like it, but luckily I don't live with him!
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Old 01-02-2009, 02:02 AM   #5
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Ennay, your Snarl thread has taken on a serious life of its own...it is really thought provoking.
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Old 01-02-2009, 02:14 AM   #6
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I know what you mean. When I have lost weight in the past it got kind of old when people went on and on about how much weight I had lost. I don't know why but I just felt kind of offended. I was glad they were proud but I always felt like they only were proud and bragged about me when I was thin. It def. wasn't what I wanted to talk about all the time.
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Old 01-02-2009, 04:02 AM   #7
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hmmm.....

I guess I'll stand out from the pack. I love it when people compliment me on my weight lose. I love being the center of attention, and when people notice me for something good that im doing for myself I LOVE it.

Im also kind of a coincided person. I know this is going to sound bad to say but I know Im pretty. I HATE HATE the fact that people think to be skinny is to be pretty and "fat" people aren't pretty. grrr...seriously.
I want to loss weight for many reasons. I want to live to be 100, I want to wear a bikini, and yes, to feel better about myself, because I DO have my fat days. And yes you can think you're pretty and want attention and still feel conscious about yourself.

does anyone else feel the same as I do?
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Old 01-02-2009, 04:05 AM   #8
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^I think it is great you feel that way! I wish I had that kind of self confidence, sadly I am not quite there yet!
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Old 01-02-2009, 04:07 AM   #9
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it took a while for me to feel that way, in all honesty. But your granted one body your whole life, so i figure love it through all of its ups and downs....
because your not getting anew one. and no matter how much weight you lose, you can gain it all back, so Love it big and same.
Because I don't think weight is an issue on how beautiful you are.
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Old 01-02-2009, 05:07 AM   #10
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I definitely feel confident too. Always have. I love being the center of attention too. I have all the confidence in the world...but sometimes my self-esteem gets a little blow to it. I have days when I feel icky and not pretty, but I also understand that I'm just feeling that way. It's not truth. If I feel fat, I know I haven't put on 10 pounds over night, so it's just a feeling. It'll pass.
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Old 01-02-2009, 05:45 AM   #11
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I think I don't want to draw attention to it in case of failure. Or having my weight rebound later.
Also, I want to be liked for me, and weight loss is for my health, not my personality.
I often don't see weight loss in friends, because I don't look at their bodies a lot, (unless we are working out or something), I look at their faces, and I see my friend, not a skinny or fat or inbetween person. unconditional friendship.
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Old 01-02-2009, 06:37 AM   #12
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Yeah, I understand not wanting people talking on and on about your weight loss. I don't like that, either. On the other hand, losing weight is an accomplishment, and I do want people to notice that I've made a change. So...

People don't know what to say or do. On 3FC we have folks who complain because no one says anything and others who complain because they get too much feedback.

I do think it's too bad that you called your mom out in front of her friend. It would have been better to do it in private, I think. But, what's done is done. Maybe she got the message this time.

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Old 01-02-2009, 06:55 AM   #13
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Well, the only thing that's happened to me (still relatively new and haven't lost THAT MUCH) My sister moved to Alberta, and so my mom and her talk on the phone regularly, and me and her usually talk on msn via webcam chat. Well, my mom LOVES to tell my sister if I've lost another pound, or if I've lost another inch. LOL I almost want to stop telling my mom before I tell my sister, because I want to be the one to brag about it. SHE'S TOTALLY RAINING ON MY PARADE!
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Old 01-02-2009, 07:08 AM   #14
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i love compliments i work in a machine shop with all men and it feels awesome when they tell you that your " lookin hot" and that you have a " nice a**" or even when the other girls i work with comment on how much weight i have lost ( this was in the past). i also WANT my fiancee and my children to please tell me how they think or feel about my weight loss... they are my cheerleading squad! lol.. the other day i whispered to my 9 year old son that i wanted a snickers bar and he said "noooo mom! you get a fat free pudding... you cant eat that." and he went and got me a pudding. i enjoy having my family and friends involved with this change of life for me. i hate it though when my mother has ANYTHING to say about my weight. good or bad. she is anorexic/bulimic and also has a terrible addicitons to laxitives... she is the first to say.. : katie you just got engaged and look at the weight you put on" or " nobody wants a fat girl" or "your thighs look big" she even told my 7 year old daughter to watch what she eats because she is getting chubby.... that is when i get pissed...
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Old 01-02-2009, 07:14 AM   #15
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Wow, sorry to hear about your mom. I would tell her to keep her comments to herself around your daughter, she has no right! I know when my dad and step mom made comments like that to me when I was young, it really didn't have a positive effect.
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