[nods]

Whoa. This just happened to me. In front of a group of family and friends. My husband...who is a brilliant man but might be clueless in social situations...over dinner...asked his obese sister and other friends..."how many pounds do you think nods has lost? go ahead...guess! really! guess!" He wouldn't let it go. I asked him twice nicely to let it go. I finally snapped at him. What did he say when we got home? "You didn't have to snap at me in front of everyone."

Really...like turning my wieghtloss in the jelly bean guessing game or a superbowl pool is totally fine.

How would he like if I would have asked with the same enthusiasm, "Guess how much my husband spent of PTSD therapy this year? Guess? Really!"

I will never understand why some one's changes in weight, particularly downward, become public discussion. When you gain weight, people whisper behind your back that you've let yourself go...and you become and object of shame. But when you lose weight, all you healthy food choices and hours of sweat at the gym become public property for some reason!

I know people are 'trying' to be nice and supportive and encouraging, but really. Its my body. I don't talk about your body's challenges in open forum, unless I have real, factual, supportive information to share (like, if you like your aerobics class, sign up for kickboxing) and I'm perfectly comfortable from the context of the conversation and your body language that you are accepting of this information and not annoyed.

[katiejames]

it never does... i actually have an older sister who is the same as my mom.. she is 100lbs wet... i like to reverse the roll though and make a big deal on how awesome food is.. and eat a ton in front of the both of them and ask them how the thin life is treating them. they both have aged terribly too... i told my daughter that being fat is a state of mind.. and that she will always be thick ( slang for hips and butt) because she is shaped like me.. i also told her that grandma is sick too... so fat is as fat does! lol

[TJFitnessDiva]

It depends on my mood and the person complimenting me. Overall I love the compliments but it's like beating a dead horse sometimes though & can make me a bit uncomfortable when it's brought up over and over by the same people. This coming from a girl that loves to be center stage lol

You can usually tell if a person is being genuine or meaning it as an insult. I usually let my temper loose on the person being fake & intending their "compliment" to be something to hurt me.

[Lori Bell]

Originally Posted by katiejames

i love compliments i work in a machine shop with all men and it feels awesome when they tell you that your " lookin hot" and that you have a " nice a**" or even when the other girls i work with comment on how much weight i have lost...snip...

Oh yikes! I don't mind compliments, especially from my close family, because I've worked hard and I appreciate they notice, but I would have a VERY hard time dealing with what you just described. WOW, if a guy at work told me I had a nice a$$, I would feel very uncomfortable. Not only is that rude, but it is sexual harassment and against the law.

[keemster]

Sometimes I feign ignorance. "Oh really, you think lost weight? Thanks, I guess. " Even though I know full well that I worked hard to lose weight. I'm not quite sure why I do it. I suppose I'm just embarrassed for gaining weight in the first place, and I don't want to seem to desperate to lose weight.

[dominodreams]

i completely understand what you're talking about. i definitely understand how all that attention can get overwhelming and embarassing.

my situation has been similar, but different still. Before I started *trying* to lose weight, whenever people complimented me on how I looked I'd completely brush them off. I'd say thank you (though it took a long time - at least 20 years - to figure out how to take compliments on my physical appearance gracefully) but I'd actually respect them less because I *knew* they were just blowing smoke up my butt. I knew I hadn't lost any weight, and I even gained weight, so I knew they were just saying things.

Now that I'm trying to lose weight I appreciate people noticing because it means I'm doing something right, but I don't like attention. My parents, though they never gush about my weight (they're very private and brag about my graduation or my job but not about things as personal as my weight), explained very clearly how I look so much better this Christmas than I did the last time I visited last Christmas. That meant something real because I know my parents - especially my dad - do not lie to me about stuff like that.

[Schumeany]

Oh, don't get me wrong. I like compliments -- as long as they are not crude or inappropriate, and I love being the center of attention. I have stupidly high self-confidence, and I am a very extroverted person...but that was true before I lost the weight as well. And I am not an idiot, I know I am attractive and that by society's standards that is more true now than it was before. But it is the "public property" quality that bothers me...I guess the objectification of ME. Yes, men stare at me at the mall, but they are not really staring at ME...they are staring at my physical attributes. They don't know ME. So, I get irritated when my mom talks about the male attention or talks to her friends endlessly about my size...because it is like I am defined by how much I weigh...in essence that somehow the prominence of my cheekbones and how my a$$ looks in my jeans is the make or break of my worth as a person. That is an overstatement, of course, but it FEELS that way...and while I am very proud of my weight loss, there is a whole lot more to me than the loss of 49 pounds.

[kiki100]

Schumeany, I can understand that. My whole life I've let my self worth depend on my weight. If I'd gained than I was valued less. As I lose weight I'd like to think I could end that see-saw effect and let something else dertermine my self worth. In effect, I'd like to leave that old person and the bad habits that attributed to my weight issues behind.

[junebug41]

Nope, while you may feel bad about being upset, I would have been upset, too. People are welcome to pay me a compliment or comment to my face, but I hate overhearing people gossiping about me- good or bad.

The day before my wedding I overheard the wife of the best man and the wife of one of DH's friends gossiping about me and I was incredibly upset. It wasn't even really derogatory, just.... I dunno.... tacky? Poor taste?

Hopefully your mom will understand how serious you are about this and respects your boundaries!

[Thighs Be Gone]

It makes me feel odd too. I was fat for so long, I ceased getting any compliments and now when I do, I stand there like a deer in the headlights. There is also a little voice in my head saying "I'm still fat and still need to lose weight." This past Sunday we were visiting in-laws I haven't seen in more than a year. I decided to wear my low-rise jeans, cute pumps and a form fitting shirt w/plunging neckline and just really go all out with it. They kept making comments and I just wanted to run as fast as I could to get my sweatpants and sweatshirt and house slippers. What was I thinking? I knew I wasn't ready for that!

[gkalphabeta]

So here's my take on it:

From your mother's perspective she is SO proud of you! She wants to tell everyone about how much you have accomplished and is so greatful that you're turning your life around. A mother's proudest achievement is always her child(ren) and she wants to scream it to the world how wonderfully you're doing.

From your perspective you are not exactly where you want to be yet with your weight loss (you're not at your goal weight). You probably still feel like you have a long way to go. I know that previously when I have lost weight but have not reached my target, and people compliment me, it almost is like a "mental okay" to "throw in the towel" and call it good. That's personally why I get upset when people tell me that I look great and ooh and ahh over my weight loss. Maybe that's why you're getting upset? Maybe not, but that's what happens to me. I figured this out a few months ago when I was really shrinking but not yet where I wanted to be...hopefully my little "lightbulb" moment can help you too!

[Ija]

I think the best kind of compliment is one that's short and sweet.

"You look great, good job."

Lately I've become extremely frustrated with my family for talking about little else besides my weight. It literally has been nonstop weight loss chat ever since I came home for the holidays. My aunts are especially bad, and my parents encourage it by bragging about me every chance they get. On top of this, they hover over me every time I enter the kitchen and watch me like a hawk when I cook. Every bite I eat apparently deserves a comment.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad they're proud of me, but sometimes I just want to go about my day without being confronted every 5 minutes about my weight.

[k59violets]

I just signed up, and your post was the very first that I saw. People who don't have issues with food/weight don't relate to these compliments as abusive, but they are, in the sense that they violate your boundaries and make open discussion of your body okay. I think LOTS of people would relate to your discomfort at having your body discussed, especially against your wishes, and would empathize with your clear communication with your mother. I certainly do.

[Gigi]

I like it because it reinforces all the work I have been doing. If other people can see it, it just tells me that I'm going in the right direction. Don't get me wrong, I do blow them off sometimes because it is embarassing and I don't handle compliments very well, but deep down inside I'm proud of myself because I know I've been working very hard and it's starting to pay off.

[Ufi]

I'm not sure she talks about it all the time only because she's proud of you. I mean, really, why does she feel the need to talk about it all the time? Doesn't she have other things to talk about?