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Old 01-01-2009, 10:45 PM   #1
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: New Zealand
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Height: 5'9

Question What/how do I tell my mum what I'm doing? Kind of OT

First, a little bit of backstory. In about 2004-05, I borderline had an eating disorder. I managed to get myself back on track, although once you go down the road of wanting to lose weight, your state of mind is very hard to return to blissful ignorance.

In 2007, I had a really rough year. I was diagnosed with depressoin, anxiety, and panic attacks. I had to quit my job (checkout chick at a supermarket) because I'd have a panic attack every day at work. It was also my final year at school (I'm 19 now), and about halfway through the year I realised that my small group of friends were shutting me out. It was so hurtful, I was so lonely. The thing that got me through was the boyfriend I got about that time. We'd eat and eat and eat. He had awful eating habits because of his childhood (not much food in the house) and I replicated them.

Anyway, during the course of the year I gained over 15 kilos (about 40 pounds). I also got reeeeally unfit, and I still am. The following year (2008) I made a big decision and repeated my final year of school. It was wonderful and because of my growing self-esteem and diminishing mental health problems, my eating gradually got better, and I was consciously making better food choices. So I've always been a bit funny about food and my weight and diets. I'll secretly watch programmes about weight loss and fat people, I'll secretly serve myself less of the unhealthy food we have, I'll secretly weigh myself. For some reason I don't want anyone to know that I want to lose weight, especially my mother.

The problem is, now that I've gotten down to well within my healthy weight range, I don't know if Mum will accept that I want to do a healthy eating and exercise plan, that includes counting calories. I'm living with my Mum until around the end of the month, when I hope to go flatting with a few people I know. She's very set in her ways and I've never told her about my -thing- with food. I've gotten sick of just half-assing it and trying to watch what I eat some of the time.

Now that I'm in a way better headspace about all of this, I want to consciously make myself healthier and leaner. I know that although I'm in an okay weight range, I'm `skinny-fat' and could do with some exercise. I want to make sure I'm feeding myself good foods, and I know that to start with I'll need to count calories and make sure I'm getting enough protein and vegetables, and I know that to do that I'll have to be a bit obsessive with measuring food for a bit. Unfortunately, that's not easy to do without anybody noticing.

I dunno whether I should be upfront with her, or just do the best I can with her around. I don't know what I would say to her if I told her about all of this, and I don't know how she'd take it. Does anybody have advice for me? Thanks
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Old 01-01-2009, 11:51 PM   #2
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Hi! Thanks for sharing your story. I'd say just start measuring and weighing and don't make an issue out of it. If/when she asks tell her the truth, that you had put on a few pounds over the last few years and are trying to get back into a healthy shape. If she can't deal with it...well... it's your life. I just worry about your past ED and hope you really got it under control. If she knows about it that might also be her concern, and rightly so...I'm a mom, so I can tell you from experience, most moms worry about their babies, no matter how old they are!

ETA I just looked at your stats...you have already lost almost 40 pounds, hasn't she noticed that?
Highest weight - 333 pounds. Lost 193 pounds by calorie counting in 2008/09. Regained 73 pounds in the last 7 years and am working on getting back to a normal BMI.

Last edited by Lori Bell; 01-01-2009 at 11:57 PM.
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Old 01-01-2009, 11:58 PM   #3
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Sounds like you're really getting yourself back on track. Congrats.

If it were me, I would just do what I'm going to do and not make a big deal about it. And like the person above said ... if mom asks, just be casual about it and let her know that you're trying to be healthier.

And good luck to you!

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Old 01-02-2009, 01:44 AM   #4
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: New Zealand
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Height: 5'9


Thanks for your advice Lori Bell and Photochick it seems like the best option is to be honest. She is my mumma after all!

I do have to be really cautious about this because of my ED past, but this time I'm coming at it with a clear head, and I feel like I know what I'm doing. And if I do start to go off the rails, I've got you guys to let me know!

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Old 01-02-2009, 06:21 AM   #5
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: Florida
Posts: 10,491

S/C/G: Lost 50 lbs, regained some

Height: 5'3"


Yes--as Photo and Lori said--keep it to yourself unless asked. If you're only going to be around the house until the end of the month, why risk creating uproar?

Stay healthy!
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Old 01-02-2009, 07:22 AM   #6
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If you're moving out, I wouldn't say anything and just do whatever you want when you leave. Being an adult means you get the privilage of doing whatever you please when you leave the family home, but by the same token it means carting yourself off to the Drs if you think you really start to slip. Good luck.

I also had an ED, in fact still have ED NOS. It started when I was 13, I moved out a year ago and I'm 20 right now. I think my mother really "gave up" policing me (or trying to) when I was about 16, e.g didn't bother trying to get me to eat 3 meals a day, stopped trying to get me to let her cook for me. It was the best thing really, because she wasn't getting anywhere. I didn't get to an underweight or overweight stage after about 14 years old anyway. If I had she might have "said (or shouted) something" like she did in the anorexic days.
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