I had a similar situation happen to me at none other than CHURCH! I'm basically a devout church goer, but a year ago last summer I missed several Sundays in a row because of various reasons...vacation, company, and just plain embarrassment because of my weight issues and no decent clothes to wear. When I finally made it back, a woman approached me and said she had been worried about me because I hadn't attended for several weeks. I told her that I had a few good excuses and a few bad excuses for not being there. I didn't think much more about it when one day a "friend" called and said there was a wild rumor going around the church that I had been drinking so heavily that I was too hung over to make it to church...
I called the lady and confronted her. She said, "well you said you had some not so good excuses so I just assumed"...I was pretty straight forward with her and told her if she "really cared" so much about my well being she would have called me or stopped over to check on me after about the 2nd missed week or so. I then asked her not to talk about me behind my back and if she had any speculations about me or my behaviour to run it by me first. She was clearly very embarrassed and said she was sorry and I forgave her. I think that sometimes people just don't think. They just open their mouths and garbage rolls out. I'm sorry this happened to you, but I think you should call this woman and confront her.
LORI ~ well, that was one heck of an assumption; most people wouldn't have come up with a thought like that. Since this was someone you knew in your home church; and the false allegations could hurt your personal and professional reputations, I don't blame you for wanting to clear that up. I'm glad that it has been resolved and the lady apologized and rightly so, you forgave her.
OP ~ I didn't assume that this woman meant illicit drugs, but more likely diet supplements. Regardless, it's your call; if you feel she has maligned your reputation, you may want the issue dealt with in a different manner. Now, you did say in your OP, that your DB already reemed her out over this matter ... so, would it need addressing again? Hopefully, that will be the end of it.
Let cooler heads prevail; give it time and see what happens. If the false rumors persist, then maybe you might want to say something more; but again, it's your call ...
You know, it is hard when you feel like people are against you. I am going to say ignore them also, but you may want to invite the sister to the gym with you for a work out. When she sees how hard you work and she has a hard time keeping up with you they will shut up.
How long has it been since they've seen you?
I got the same thing from my husband's family. One of them called me bony and asked if I was sick. They were like, "there's no way its healthy to lose weight that fast!" OMG! Something must be wrong! (The only recreational drugs I dabble in make you want to eat a bag of Doritos...so I can't say anyone accused me of the drug thing.)
I was like...guys, I haven't seen you in like 8 months! See...you see the 50lbs all at one time...I've seen it over 8 months.
So lets see...basic mathematics (divide by 4, then by two, carry the one, round up by a half) and I've just proven you're a total idiot.
Sometimes the answer to "how did you loose that much weight so fast?" is "only seeing YOU once a year."
It sounds to me like the family, or the sister, are a bit jealous of your accomplishments. Obviously their behavior shows a lack of knowledge and personal experience and/or success. That is very sad. I wouldn't even bother with the likes of them...in fact let them think what they want as that is THEIR issue, not yours.
It is sad that people can be so rude and hateful toward others. You're doing great, don't give up. Don't give in! Let them have their tantrum and keep living your life!
Looks like the vote is in ... jealousy.
In mean generalizations: when you're obese and you duck out of an invitation because it's your gym time people assume you are lying (Of course SHE doesn't go to the gym!) If you have a small portion or a salad in a restaurant people assume you must binge in private.
Then you show up a few months later in your brand new fitted clothes and they turn around and accuse you of speed?!
Yep, I work with some of these people, and they won't go to the gym. They ordered the 2,000 calorie entree. And if they can't do it then neither can you!
So keep on proving them wrong, and showing them you are better than that.
I had a similar thing happen to me -- my aunt and uncle and cousin had not seen me for one year and came to visit. We all went out for dinner. I had lost about 20 lb and when they saw me they got all suspicious.
When my uncle went to the bathroom my aunt and cousin leaned in excitedly and said, "ok, tell us HOW you did it!"
When I told them, "honestly, I just don't eat junk and I exercise more" they leaned back in their seats unsmiling and seemed almost disappointed.
No gossip to take back home with them I guess! And no magic cure for weight loss, just good old fashioned hard work!
It makes me almost want to give up, to know that if I loose any more weight then they will just say these things even more... I find myself telling each and everyone one of them off in my head, but of course I can't do it in person...
They are heinous nasty people. They will find SOMETHING nasty to say no matter what you do. Dont spend energy thinking about THEM or trying to do anything to affect how they think about you. People like that will be nasty no matter what.
You make yourself happy with yourself and to with them.
I'm thinking that you all are right about the jealousy thing... His sisters girlfriend is obese herself and I'm pretty sure that she started it all....
She can be a pretty nasty person most of the time. I had recently started a new job and the first thing she asked me about it was, "whats the worst thing about your job?" Then of course she laughs...
So you all hit the nail on the head, without even knowing her! HA! Good job! lol.
I guess I should have known that it was more than likely jealousy in the first place, but it took all of you to help me really realize it...
I know that I am a brighter better person than her, but her comments really bring me to my low... Especially how she has been apparently talking to the rest of his family and joining them all in on it...
It just sucks, I thought we were all 'grown ups' here and didn't have to still deal with this childish drama and hurtful accuzations...
Thank you everyone for writing, it really helps lift my spirits. Ever since the Christmas party I haven't gotten myself to the gym or even been eating like I should... I don't know why this has affected me so much, I'm normally like a rock and nothing can break me...
Weight-loss is just such a sensitive emotional issue....
I personally would have been glad that my boyfriend told me. I'm just that way...
But what you have to remember is you're doing this for you. Not your family, friends, not even for your boyfriend. It's all for you babe and you have to be proud of yourself!
My almost mother in law gets slightly offended that I don't eat her cheese filled meatloaf, or beef and noodles...I bet she's made some colourful remarks too. Keep your chin up doll...be proud of yourself.
When I told them, "honestly, I just don't eat junk and I exercise more" they leaned back in their seats unsmiling and seemed almost disappointed.
I have found the same thing. Everyone is impressed and in such awe until they see me using tablespoons to measure my ketchup. Then they are disappointed that it takes work, not magic.
Sounds like fuel that should simply be added to the fire. Next gathering show up even more slim and fit...and then rub it in their assuming faces.
with them.
I don't know why this has affected me so much, I'm normally like a rock and nothing can break me...
