I've come to some realizations over the last few months, about myself and my mom. Some background, my mom is 5'2" and weighs somewhere in the 85 pound range. She won't admit how much she weighs, just continually talks about how big she has let herself get. My entire life it has been the same story - mom never weighed more than 110 ever and was miserable then because she thought she was fat. Never specifically said anything about me being bigger than her, just a few passive aggressive comments here and there. When I first lost 25 pounds back in 2005 she continued to buy me clothes in bigger sizes for holidays. When I said something she went the other way and got me an outfit that was too small for me. I tried not to think that those things were deliberate, but now I wonder.
Now every time she sees me she comments on how I'm too skinny, that she is a nurse and she knows what healthy is and I'm not it. I don't believe I'm too skinny where I am - I'm actually in better shape than I have ever been and eat more vegetables and diverse foods now that I have in my entire life. I feel healthy, I exercise, I have more energy, I'm still in the healthy BMI range, my doctor said I looked great last time I had a checkup. I told mom that and what did she say? "Well, you just changed doctors, so they don't really know you." So, does that mean that I'm supposed to be 50 pounds overweight to keep the space-time continuum running smoothly? I am at the low point of my weight loss, I've been maintaining 120 for a while now.
I thought I was okay with this. I realize that she had a problem with anorexia when she was younger, is likely bulemic now. She has uncontrolled, fluctuating from super low to heart attack high blood pressure, IBS, no enamel on her teeth, gets sick whenever she eats. I did some research and believe that a lot of her problems are from her eating disorder, active still or not. I believed that she was saying the things she was to me because she feared I would become anorexic as well, since I am her child. I figured it was from love.
Last week at Thanksgiving my grandfather approached me about being too skinny - at my mom's urging I believe. (My very slim, exercises 1-1.5 hours per day since his heart attack in 1998 grandfather, by the way.) Every other family member told me how great I looked. Then, last time I talked to her she said "I guess a Victoria's Secret gift card would be a waste for you as a stocking stuffer now since you have gotten so skinny, you can't shop there" in a disgusted tone of voice.
!!!! I'm not the skinniest person on the planet, I haven't 'caught' anorexia from being near her, I'm not a circus freak who can't shop for clothes at retail stores !!!!
I'm beginning to think that she is more comfortable when I'm plump and squishy because it makes her feel better about herself for some reason....
Thanks for reading my fussing... Any suggestions on how to talk to her would be greatly appreciated.