3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community  

Go Back   3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community > Support Forum > Weight Loss Support

Weight Loss Support Give and get support here!

Unkind comment from family member - don't know what to make of it

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 12-01-2008, 12:09 PM   #1
Senior Member
 
Lainey2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 112

S/C/G: 160/157/120

Height: 5' 2"

Default Unkind comment from family member - don't know what to make of it

Well, let me start by saying, I've been feeling so good about myself lately. I've been sticking to a healthy diet, for the most part and also exercising regularly. I'm starting to see the benefits in looser clothing, and also being more toned and "pulled in" looking. I've also received a couple of nice comments about how I've lost some weight lately. All of this has had my confidence boosted, and I've been enjoying wearing some of the things in my wardrobe that were too tight before. So why is it that one nasty remark can set me all the way back to square one, and have me questioning myself?

I'll make a long story short by saying that I was at a social function recently and my father in law threw a jab my way, for no apparent reason. Why are people so unkind sometimes? I was walking by my FIL, and I noticed him kind of look me up and down, as if he were noticing my outfit. I had worn something that previously I had been unable to fit into. I said "hi" and asked how he was doing, and he replied, " Oh, I'm just getting fatter..." to which I replied, " Oh really? I wouldn't think so, since you eat really healthy...." to which he said, " Oh, I wasn't expecting you to say that....I thought you would say"me too!". The comment really took me aback, and I just said, " Well, thanks for saying that..." and walked away! My FIL is someone who takes pleasure in being very passive/aggressive. Why he targeted me that night, I don't know. I mean, I'm no supermodel, but I am looking and feeling better. That totally ruined my evening.

Now, I find myself doubting all my progress. Have I really gotten any smaller? Are my clothes really fitting better? Do I really look more pulled in from all my core work, or is that my imagination? Sigh. I guess I just needed a place to write my thoughts out. Not sure what I'm looking for here, except some encouragement to just keep going and not backslide. Thanks so much chicks for listening.
__________________
Lainey2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2008, 12:15 PM   #2
No description available.
 
midwife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Bat Country
Posts: 7,348

Default

Wow. He's not a very nice person. I'm sorry he made you feel so bad. Consider the source and don't give it a second thought. 15 pounds is amazing and I know you look terrific! Don't backslide cause of a jerk. Seriously, it sounds like he has problems. Don't let it get in your head. Release the negative energy and keep up the terrific work!
__________________
"And that's how Beowulf rolls"~ my DD
midwife is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2008, 12:16 PM   #3
Senior Member
 
Extasee58865's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: www.myspace.com/extasee
Posts: 480

S/C/G: 231/165/140

Height: 5'5"

Default

Don't begin to doubt your progress based on the comments of a jerk! People are always going to say things, even when you are "thin". You have made wonderful progress & you said you can even see it yourself. Keep that as your motivation, you were wearing an outfit you previously could not even fit into! That's amazing! I've learned that some people just try to to make you feel bad about yourself, when in reality, they are just jealous. They're just hating on you because you have taken control of yourself & have begun to lose weight. Don't let it get you down, just keep doing what you have been doing, it's obviously working!
__________________
I Started my healthy life-style on 8/14/08
Extasee58865 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2008, 12:16 PM   #4
Weight Watcher
 
HiHoHiHo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Midwestern USA
Posts: 48

S/C/G: 170/168/145

Height: 5'6"

Default

Ack. You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your relatives.

His comment was rude. You took the high road. good for you!
Avoid him, and spend more time with the positive people and things in your life.
HiHoHiHo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2008, 12:34 PM   #5
KLK
Karen: La Cicciona
 
KLK's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NYC
Posts: 745

S/C/G: Sz 24-26 / Sz 12-14 / Sz 6-8

Height: 5' 4"

Default

He probably just felt the need to cut you down -- you're working out, eating healthily, losing weight, wearing clothes you haven't worn in a while, -- not only do you probably look better physically, but you probably also feel better about yourself and you were probably projecting that. Some people just feel the need to crush any positivity they come across, so I doubt his comments indicate that you AREN'T losing weight or getting smaller; they just reflect the fact that he's mean and negative and can't stand to see other people feel good.
__________________
DECEMBER EXERCISE CHALLENGE: 267 / 1300 Mins.
KLK is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2008, 12:37 PM   #6
Senior Member
 
Lainey2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 112

S/C/G: 160/157/120

Height: 5' 2"

Default

Wow, thanks guys for your responses! Each of you is an inspiration and I really do appreciate the feedback. I'm about to leave for lunch, and I was wanting to drive through the fast food lanes, but I'm going to my local health food shop, and getting a salad! Disgruntledone, no that's not usually how I've responded to him in the past. We have not ever discussed my weight. But that is good food for thought. My FIL is an odd one, for sure! Thanks for the replies and insights. Love this sight for uplifting encouragement!
__________________
Lainey2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2008, 12:38 PM   #7
On a Mission
 
glutio's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: La Plata, MD
Posts: 231

S/C/G: 286/275.8/185

Height: 5'6

Default

People like that are the worst kind. This is the same reason that I just can't bring myself to visit my grandmother in the nursing home. I know it seems like she has the worst family ever, but I just can't take being called fat every time I see her. She'll even ask my husband about how "I've changed" and what I'm doing to fix myself. He's sweet and tries to help me, but I always leave there feeling disgusted with myself. I have put on a lot of weight over the last few years, and I haven't been losing any, but that doesn't mean my grandmother should call me fat every time I see her, especially since she's ALWAYS had weight issues and is the reason I gained 30 pounds in 2 weeks when I was 5!!!

People like my grandmother and your FIL are only trying to hurt you because they've been hurt before.
glutio is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2008, 12:43 PM   #8
Pure American Metal
 
TXJess's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 154

S/C/G: 245/see ticker/145

Height: 5 ft 7.5 in

Default

That is just an awful thing to say to anyone.

Think positive and remember the only reason he said anything is probably because he noticed you have lost weight.

Some people just can't handle when others improve themselves. It's a shame you have to deal with a person like that.
TXJess is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2008, 12:53 PM   #9
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 4,445

S/C/G: 237/165.8/130

Height: 5'4"

Default

If he's putting on weight (especially if he doesn't normally) and you're losing and getting fitter, it could be that he's jealous. Sounds like a jealous comment to me - besides being totally uncalled for.

I agree with whoever said you can't pick your relatives. Take the high road and don't let one jealous, nasty snipe throw you off track. YOU know you're doing well - and that's the important thing.

.
PhotoChick is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2008, 01:04 PM   #10
Moderating Mama
 
mandalinn82's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Woodland, CA
Posts: 11,938

S/C/G: 295/200/175

Height: 5' 8"

Default

Sometimes people say things without considering for a second how they will land. If you normally have a good relationship, I'd say this was an incident of him not thinking about his words. If he makes that kind of dig regularly? I'd say that this is just him being his usually jerk self, and refuse to dignify it by thinking about it even a second more.
__________________
Goal Met - 10/28/07 - My Progress Picture Collage - My Goal Story - Where Have I Been?

No matter how slow you go, you're still lapping everyone on the couch!

Maintained Oct 2007-Sept 2011, then got pregnant. Our baby boy was born in May, 2012...now to lose the baby weight!!
mandalinn82 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2008, 01:04 PM   #11
Senior Member
 
Horo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 895

Height: 5'5.5"

Default

Don't make anything of it! It was a stupid, likely jealous comment made for no apparent reason other than to upset you. There's no reason to dwell on such poisonous words; especially since you know that their implications simply aren't true.
__________________

Horo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2008, 01:28 PM   #12
Just Yr Everyday Chick
 
JayEll's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Florida
Posts: 10,141

S/C/G: Lost 50 lbs, regained some

Height: 5'3"

Default

He'd been drinking... right?

No one can totally ruin your evening unless you let them. Don't give him that much power. He's just a chirping bird--and a real bird's song means more than his fumbling comment!

Jay
JayEll is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2008, 01:34 PM   #13
Senior Member
 
belezura's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Albany, NY
Posts: 8,772

Height: 5'4"

Default

My dear...
His comments mean that you ARE losing weight and he noticed it. Otherwise it would not even brought up on the conversation. Because you would look just like always and it doesn’t make any conversation.
The fact is that while good people make you feel good about it, jealous people try to make you feel bad.
That happens to me too and that only make me want even more to lose weight to show I CAN DO IT, too bad if they can’t.
So you think everyone else that complimented you, your mirror, scale and clothes are lying and he is right???
Chances are he is the one who is dreaming... He wish you were getting fatter too.
Don’t make yourself upset over his rude comment, that is exactly what he wants.
Show him that it is just the beginning and be prepared to face more nasty comments... because they will be coming
__________________
"Happy or sad, rich or poor, it's still better being thin!
Even if you want to be miserable today, it's better to be thin and miserable than fat and miserable.
Anyway you look at it, thin comes out ahead!"

from The Thin Commandments Diet book

March/08 142 * Aug/09 129 * Sept/09 123
Oct/09 121 * Nov/09 120 * Jan/10 - 132!!!
Just came from a vacation... Now I have to undo the damage
Feb/10 130 * March/10 125 * October/10 127
belezura is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2008, 01:35 PM   #14
Senior Member
 
Thighs Be Gone's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 5,629

S/C/G: HW/232 SW 215/ CW 133/GW 120's

Height: 5.7 and 1/2

Default

Girl, you take those crap comments and make them WORK for YOU. I wonder what he will say the next time he sees you and you are a drop dead HAWTTY! He sounds like he is very spiteful and uncomfortable with himself. You know, if he makes a comment like that again you could always respond, "why would you say something so nasty?" Of course, you handled it well too by walking off!


There is a group in my real world that (last year) went out of their way to make me feel uncomfortable. Three of them to be exact. I am unsure why they did this other than they thought they could get away with "putting the fat girl in her place." I am loving seeing those three now. I know I still have a ways to go but I feel great walking comfortably in my size 8's, heels and jewelry. I am very nice to them by the way--always have been. It makes it even sweeter!
__________________


"Be who you are, say what you feel. Those who matter, don't mind. Those who mind, don't matter." --Dr. Seuss
Thighs Be Gone is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2008, 01:42 PM   #15
Starting Over
 
cakses's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Farmington, MI
Posts: 1,640

S/C/G: 255/255/155

Height: 5'7"

Default

That was pretty rude but just shrug it off. Some people just don't even realize what they are saying or that it would be taken a certain way. Sounds like he has some self-esteem issues of his own. Let him deal with that. Don't let him take it out on you.
__________________
cakses is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply
Posts by members, moderators and admins are not considered medical advice
and no guarantee is made against accuracy.


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:45 PM.






Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2015, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.3.2