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Old 11-28-2008, 02:12 AM   #1
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Default Late night rant....

Tonight I made a stupid choice to try on a skirt I just bought for a Christmas party this weekend right before I went to bed. It is a size 16 and I didnt try it on in the store because I assumed that it would be right. It looked right. I just had a son by c-section 4 months ago, and I have lost 50 lbs since then. I should be proud of myself. And usually I am. But tonight when I tried that skirt on I realized that I am delusional about my size, and I see myself as smaller than I am. It was a terrible feeling. I then layed in bed and frantically tried to remind myself of the success I have already had. It didnt work. I tried to crunch numbers in my head and figure out how much weight I could lose by my sons first birthday, but somehow that number seems far fetched and unatainable. What makes this whole thing worse is I also have some guilt tonight too. I told my husband I was going to the gym, and instead I took a book and got some tea and read a book at Starbucks for an hour so he thought I was at the gym. Who am I trying to fool? Im the one that loses when I chose to whimp out on the gym. He could care less!
I guess this is a rant. I cant sleep because I am being way too hard on myself. I know that this is a process and that it will take a long time to accomplish. I know that I have done very well so far, I just need to keep the momentum up.
I keep trying to remind myself of the positives. I havent had a piece of junk food since my son was born, I go to the gym 5 days a week and I have lost almost 50lbs!
Why cant my brain shut off so I can sleep. No amount of positives I try to tell myself makes me feel any better about the body I have right now.
Thanks for listening!
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Old 11-28-2008, 02:28 AM   #2
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Hey Erin. You can do this! You can totally do it. This is a great place with lots of answers and support. I was also delusional about my size at one point too. It's something so many of us can relate to. I once told my hubby I was going to aerobics and instead went and bought Little Debbies and ate them in my car! If you have lost 50 pounds, you know what it takes and are willing to put forth the effort. Please let me know if I can help in any way. We are here for you.
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Old 11-28-2008, 09:19 AM   #3
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Don't beat yourself up. You know what you can do. You can be successful. Most dieters have an occaisional slip up. Get back on track and you will be fine.
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Old 11-28-2008, 10:20 AM   #4
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Hi there! It sounds like you already know what you need to do, and you already know this is a process and a journey. I think you need to hear that all of us can relate to what happened to you last night. Just the other day, I pulled something out of my closet, and the same thing. It was too tight and I concluded that although I had come a long way in my weight loss, and was doing great, I still am not where I need to be. That is a tough thing to realize, and it is no fun at all. So here's a big hug, and words of encouragement. You know what you need to do, so forgive yourself for the cup of coffee, and just get back into the gym. All of us need those little escapes now and then, just not too often. Good luck, you can do this!!!
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Old 11-28-2008, 10:55 AM   #5
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Sounds wonderful...a book and leisurely cup of tea that is. A little slice of heaven to get away for a bit after being Mommy, wife and chief cook and bottle washer. We all need a break like that every once in a while. YOU ARE HUMAN! Oh and the skirt...probably miss marked. I bought a 3X sweater a few years ago on-line and it was so small. I kept it because to return it would have been to much of a hassle. I was gong to give it away and lost track of it. I just found it a few weeks ago and it fits perfectly, even though I'm wearing Larges in all other shirts.

Oh and exercise....not all it's cracked up to be. Seriously, I have lost 130 pounds without ever setting foot in a gym. Matter of fact I have no formal exercise routine. I move more and eat less. It works for me. If you want a super hard body and all, then I guess you should exercise hours and hours a week, but to be "healthy" you do not need to be "iron woman".

Give youself a break and know you deserve it every now and then.

Last edited by Lori Bell : 11-28-2008 at 10:56 AM.
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Old 11-28-2008, 11:05 AM   #6
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Next time - make it herbal tea.

But seriously - you have lost 50 freaking pounds!!!! You will be able to fit into that skirt - just keep plugging.
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Old 11-28-2008, 11:44 AM   #7
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This feeling too shall pass!
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Old 11-28-2008, 11:58 AM   #8
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You know what? It's OK. You had an off day. You had an experience that set you back. And you spent a day sort of wallowing in it. And that is perfectly, 100% OK!!!

We all have days where we're allowed to wallow.

Now it's time to pick yourself up and move on. You've done an amazing thing. 50 lbs is nothing to blink at. Be proud of yourself for that and use it to keep you on track. You don't want to do anything to lose all that progress you've made.

I will have to disagree with Lori and say that exercise *is* everything it's cracked up to be - and more. No one is saying you have to be "muscle bound" or that you have to spend hours and hours in the gym. I spend about an hour a day, 4-5 days a week in the gym and it really helps - not just with the weight loss, but with my overall healt. Being strong and healthy is important to me and I've found that when I really feel glum and frustrated and sorta hopeless about peeling off this last 30 lbs, going to the gym makes me feel better. Yeah, I may have to force myself to go, but once I'm there, I feel really good about it. And the feeling of energy and accomplishment I feel afterward is soooooo worth it.

Don't let anyone talk you out of going to the gym. But you're not a failure for having skipped one day and just had some quiet time to yourself. But you are right - be honest with yourself. It doesn't really matter if your husband knows or not. It's all about being honest with yourself.

Hang in there. You can do it.

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Last edited by PhotoChick : 11-28-2008 at 11:59 AM.
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Old 11-28-2008, 12:09 PM   #9
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Erin - I also realized I'm delusional about my weight this week and I haven't lost nearly as much as you... looking back I've realized I've always had a distorted view of myself.... never really realizing how large and in charge I was getting... how it was either the pants or shirt that shrunk in the wash... not the waistline that grew.... I had to buy new jeans this week and had to buy a size 12...even though the jeans that I'm replacing were a 10 that fit nicely... how the **** does that happen if I really lost almost 6 lbs?

I'm also not exercising.... (at least you are! one day of rest and relaxation is well deserved!) I'm trying to use the Wii Fit a few times a week...but even that I'm not doing... I can't quite figure it out because a few years ago I lost over 40lbs by going to the gym 4-5 days a week and being careful what I eat. I know it helped that I had a class 2-3x a week, but these days I have a job that requires long days and it is difficult for me to get anywhere because I travel around the area... (Lori Bell - Thanks for the hope!)

hmmm...not as encouraging and supportive a post as what I intended...but I'm with ya girl.... thanks for your reminder, this is a journey and a process...
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Old 11-28-2008, 02:13 PM   #10
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Give your body some time to catch up with your efforts. Remember you are still postpartum and the body does some weird things in those months after having a baby. I know it's frustrating but you will get through it. You are doing an amazing job. Keep up the effort and you will see results I promise!
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Old 11-28-2008, 03:37 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PhotoChick View Post
I will have to disagree with Lori and say that exercise *is* everything it's cracked up to be - and more. No one is saying you have to be "muscle bound" or that you have to spend hours and hours in the gym. I spend about an hour a day, 4-5 days a week in the gym and it really helps - not just with the weight loss, but with my overall healt.
Of course exercise is important, I should have worded my post differently so not to sound anti-exercise. I just can't personally see spending an hour to (or paying money to) ride on a stationary bike, walk on a treadmill or stair step to nowhere when I can ride my bike to town to get the mail, go fix fence with my husband, chase cows or climb a grain bin and get something accomplished while my working my body. Especially for new moms when money can be tight, (not saying it is for the OP). I just don't see going to the gym is all that important when "quite time" and a good book is equally good for the soul.

I have to giggle when I think of my Sister-in-law and her expensive gym membership and fancy workout clothes. She goes on an on about the stair stepping machine and how many steps she took, but she lives on the 21 floor of a high rise apartment building in downtown Dallas and takes the elevator...LOL If she took the stairs every time she entered the building, she would step 294 stairs one-way, (I counted them last time I was there)...LOL

Last edited by Lori Bell : 11-28-2008 at 03:38 PM.
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Old 11-28-2008, 03:52 PM   #12
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Quote:
I can ride my bike to town to get the mail, go fix fence with my husband, chase cows or climb a grain bin and get something accomplished while my working my body.
Yes, but many of us don't HAVE those options. Riding my bike "into town" is likely to find me a plastered against someone's grill or a damp spot on the road. I live in a townhouse, so no cows here. And I *do* get something accomplished while I'm at the gym - I get healthy and strong.

I'm not trying to derail the thread or be argumentative (gosh, I'm too full of leftover turkey to argue about anything right now! ) but I hate to see this kind of attitude about going to a gym left to stand. There is nothing wrong with going to the gym and making it sound like all of us are all about the expensive fancy workout clothes and how many steps we did on the stairmaster is just as snide as if I went on about country hick exercising by chasing cows ( - get the point?).

It's just unnecessary, IMO, to be that snotty about those of us who go to a gym just because you are fortunate enough to be in a position to ride your bike to town or whatever.

And the OP didn't ask for anyone to diss her gym-going or point out that it was unnecessary. She chooses to go to the gym to exercise and I don't think making her feel bad or stupid about that is productive.

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Last edited by PhotoChick : 11-28-2008 at 03:53 PM.
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Old 11-28-2008, 11:09 PM   #13
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I do agree, every once in a while, a person just needs to sit down and relax with a cup of tea and a book. I notice you didn't sit and pig out. Yes, you missed out on gym time, but some you time is just fine too.
You are definitely having one of those days, where even your success doesn't seem like enough.
But you have accomplished a lot, not just weight loss, but becoming a mother, and ALL that comes with it, the good, the bad, and the poopy....
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Old 11-29-2008, 09:13 AM   #14
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Erin,

Everyone has said helpful things, but forgotten one item. Sizes aren't consistent.

I just bought two pairs of size 16 pants. (A huge nsv for me.) I tried on 18 pairs! Several were actually too large, many too small. Some were loose at the waist and tight on the hips. Others were tight on the waist and then bagged out a bit. A couple were so tight that I couldn't zip them up.

I have clothes in many sizes in my closet...I keep trying them on. I'm still not into a size 18W pair of jeans from the gap, while I am comfortable in size 16 in almost every other make.

My size 3 cords from Chicos are loose, the 3.5 pants from a suit bought at the same time a couple of years ago are tight.

Sizes aren't consistent. Not fitting into a size 16 skirt may have as much to do with the sizing of that manufacturer as it does with you.

That being said, I can identify with not seeing my body clearly. Sometimes when get dressed I see myself looking small and fabulous. I wonder why I would want to lose any more weight, I look great! (Okay, yeah health, I know.) Five minutes later I notice my big butt, my belly, the boobs and I think I look huge!

You are doing amazing, you will get there! Don't let that skirt beat you! (And some days an hour of calm is more important than an hour at the gym...just don't feel you have to lie about it.)
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Old 11-29-2008, 08:29 PM   #15
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You guys are all so amazing! I really appreciate the encouragement. Some days I feel GREAT about my progress, and others I feel like its not happening fast enough and I just get stricken with fear that I will be a fat and unhealthy mom for my son. That is deffinately my biggest fear. I ended up giving up completely for the Christmas party and wear ing stretched out old maternity clothes and feeling even worse about myself then if I had of just exchanged the skirt for a size 18. Blah. Oh well, it can only get better.
Again, thank you so much! You guys are amazing!
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