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Worried about husband...need advice

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Old 11-18-2008, 12:28 PM   #1
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Default Worried about husband...need advice

Heres a little back story....
I had a baby 4 months ago. During my pregnancy I gained 70lbs. Im not blaming my husband, but he was incredibly accomodating to my cravings. Once, it was 10:30pm, and I decided I wanted apple pie, so he ran to the grocery store in a snow storm to get it for me. By midnight we were both downing an entire apple pie. Needless to say, he gained (I think) 40lbs with me. After I had the baby and was okayed for exercise (after a c-section) I became determinded to exercise. I now eat a very healthy, structured vegan diet and exercise 5-6 days a week and have lost 48lbs in he last 4 months....
Now, my husband hasnt stopped eating our pregnancy way. I made a rule that he couldnt bring junk into the house anymore. He couldnt follow that rule so I decided that he could only bring junkfood that i dont like into the house so that I wouldnt be tempted....which he semi-follows. He went to the gym with me once last week after months of my nagging asking him to come with me. After 45 minutes of cardio he was exhausted and couldnt promise me that he would ever come back.
Long story short, he says that he just doesnt feel read to get into shape, and he will start when hes ready. But I can see that he has gained a lot of weight even if he wont admit it to me. He says he feels good about himself and isnt interested, yet he hates it when I wash his jeans because then he has to restretch them for them to be comfortable again.
Im really concerned that he is going down a bad path. I love him so much regardless of his weight, but I am worried for him and his self esteem and his health. Any advice on how I can tactfully help him see the light and participate in this healthy lifestyle with me? He easts the healthy meals I cook just in very large portions...and if I try to not cook enough that he can eat tons, he will eat chips or something right after dinner.
Thanks guys....I just want us to be a healthy family!

Started my weight loss journey on the day my son was born, July 17th, 2008.
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Old 11-18-2008, 12:37 PM   #2
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Congrats on the loss!

Well, I know you know this, but you just can't make someone be healthy. They have to do it on their own. Kind of a bummer. The only thing I can recommend is this; a lot of people realize their size around the holidays when they see family, somehow it puts things in perspective for them. Also a huge realization is pictures of themselves. Take lots of pictures of him for the holidays. If he see's how burtal the camera is it may give him the push he needs. Maybe hang some mirrors around so he can't avoid his own reflection? He may not see what unhealthy eating is doing to his body.

Then of course, I'd say make healthy meals, but it sounds like you're doing that already. Can you tighten finances? Maybe if there "isn't enough money" for chips he'll back down on it?

Good luck!
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Old 11-18-2008, 12:39 PM   #3
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That's tough!

My husband is really great at this; I wish he could answer this post for me!

He is really good at supporting me when I get all ready to lose weight but doesn't make me feel at all bad when I go off on a binge or get lazy. If he would constantly be attempting to make me healthier, I know that I would probably go the other way.

I would just keep doing what you are doing and let him do what he wants to do. I M O, he will eventually see how happy you are being fit and hopefully hop on the wagon. It's just not something you can tactfully do for someone else; they have to really want it on their own. Keep cooking healthy and fill him up on veggies. GOOD LUCK!!!
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Old 11-18-2008, 12:41 PM   #4
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Yeah, unfortunately, it's what Raw said. Until he's ready to change, there's not much you can do. I will say that nagging probably will be counter productive as well ... the more you try to make him, the more he'll resist.

I'd say the best thing you can do is continue making healthy meals, continue maintaining your own weight and exercise, and set a good example for him and for your little one.

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Old 11-18-2008, 12:41 PM   #5
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i know it's hard but you're doign the right things for yourself which means he's eating healthy too. if he's eating bigger portions and it's just of fruit and veggies then it's not such a big issue as if he's eating the chips and things (for me anyway).
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Old 11-18-2008, 12:43 PM   #6
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If there's anyone in the world I could 'save' or convert it would be my husband. Unfortunately mine, like yours just isn't ready yet. I worry about my husband's self esteem too - but know I'd worsen the situation if I seem to harp on him about weight/health.

I'm careful not to push him into it - I know I would have been an irate crazy woman if he had tried that on me before I was ready. The best I can offer is just to be there when he is ready, try to be understanding and show my support without being a health pusher.

Despite my husband not really being on board he has lost 50-60 pounds by 'accident' this year.

Last edited by FB : 11-18-2008 at 12:44 PM.
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Old 11-18-2008, 12:46 PM   #7
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I don't have any advice as I am in the same boat. My husband actually just got some blood work done and he is "pre diabetic". We all know that is not something that you mess around with. He just doesn't take it seriously. WE don't buy junk food but he will find something in that cabinet to eat! He won't exercise at all. He says he is too tired after working outside all day. I am frusrated and worried . I want him to be around for our 21 month old baby. He is 43 so he does need to take it seriously! From reading what others have said, there is not a lot I can do to make him do anything but this health issue is so worrisome. Thanks for listening.
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Old 11-18-2008, 01:02 PM   #8
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First of all I wanted to say congrats on your own weight loss. You seem very committed to a healthier lifestyle after the pregnancy gain. As for hubby, I think it will hit home either at the holidays or when you lose a bit more. My hubby got home from Iraq in August and put on 15 pounds. He was thin to begin with but these 15 pounds were pure fat and made his clothes not fit right. At first I teased him, but as each week went by and I was losing and he was gaining, I started to tell him he needed to be careful. He kept ignoring me, saying that when his unit started PT (exercising) in the mornings again it would melt off. Well it's been a month of PT and not one pound has left. Now all of a sudden he's put himself on a diet. I haven't seen him go into the pantry for any snacks after dinner and he seems to be doing his own exercise at work if the guys don't. I think a switch has to be turned on internally for any of us to really "get" it.

I am sure your hubby will do the same eventually. A lot of people think it's a women only thing to have low self esteem attributed to their weight, but when I catch my own husband squeezing what he calls his "cottage cheese" lovehandles in the mirror, I don't believe it. He'll come around.
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Old 11-18-2008, 01:07 PM   #9
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What every one else said - but also remember that just because he has not changed after watching you for a few months, doesn't mean you aren't helping him. Maybe he'll start getting healthier a few months from now, or maybe a year from now - but when he does, it may still be because of watching you succeed.
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Old 11-18-2008, 01:25 PM   #10
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I thought of another thing. You talked a little bit about cooking meals, so I dont know if you do any of this or not and I don't know how meal planning is addressed in your house, but maybe you could fill him full of too much healthy food - before he gets his hands on other stuff. Have a big healthy breakfast ready before he heads out, pack a monster size lunch (chicken sandwich, soup, a couple pieces of fruit, etc) that you know he wont be able to finish, and give him healthy snacks (dried fruit, nuts, etc) to munch on while your cooking dinner so he'll be less hungry and will eat less at the table. No sane guy would pass up a homemade meal waiting for them for something else. And those WW desserts are really tasty and a better option than chips for after dinner. Maybe you can make deals with him... if he really wants doritos he has to get the 100 calorie packs. If he wants ice cream he has to get WW ice cream. If he wants chocolate cake he has to get, like, mini delights. Definately don't deprive or nag him, but it's fair to ask him to meet you half way. You could use the reasoning that the junk he brings into the house is too temping for you and you'd be willing to get him all his favorie snacks but in the lower calorie variety.
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Old 11-18-2008, 01:54 PM   #11
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First of, congrats on your loss and healthy lifestyle! I agree with not nagging him. That will just make him want the junk food more and I also agree with raw23, if there is a healthy meal made for him he will be less likely to want the junk!

Good luck!
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