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Old 11-18-2008, 10:28 AM   #1
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I'm at a loss for words. I'm so tired of talking about my weight problem and how to get rid of it. I've had this weight problem all of my life and it just keeps getting worse and worse. I'm getting bigger and bigger and more and more unhappy. I'm depressed. I take anti-depressants but they just don't seem to cut it (and I've tried many different kinds over the course of my life). It's my weight that makes me depressed. But I feel so trapped. I can't motivate myself to do anything about it. I hate diets - I lose and then I gain it back ten fold. *sigh* Can someone cheer me up today?
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Old 11-18-2008, 10:36 AM   #2
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Originally Posted by Softykins View Post
I'm at a loss for words. I'm so tired of talking about my weight problem and how to get rid of it. I've had this weight problem all of my life and it just keeps getting worse and worse. I'm getting bigger and bigger and more and more unhappy. I'm depressed. I take anti-depressants but they just don't seem to cut it (and I've tried many different kinds over the course of my life). It's my weight that makes me depressed. But I feel so trapped. I can't motivate myself to do anything about it. I hate diets - I lose and then I gain it back ten fold. *sigh* Can someone cheer me up today?
I have had these days. I think many of us have. We can only take one day at a time. Every day is a new beginning and new hopes. You can do this! Because you are worth it! You deserve it! If you ever want to talk feel free to PM me. Trust me, I know how you feel. Don't give up!
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Old 11-18-2008, 10:39 AM   #3
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Just do one thing today. Maybe a 10 minute leisurely walk. Tomorrow pick one other, small thing. Sometimes I think you can't change feelings in order to start moving/doing - sometimes you have to move/do in order to change feelings. But the key is to start small. If you overwhelm yourself it obviously won't help.
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Old 11-18-2008, 10:44 AM   #4
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I'm at a loss for words. I'm so tired of talking about my weight problem and how to get rid of it. I've had this weight problem all of my life and it just keeps getting worse and worse. I'm getting bigger and bigger and more and more unhappy. I'm depressed. I take anti-depressants but they just don't seem to cut it (and I've tried many different kinds over the course of my life). It's my weight that makes me depressed. But I feel so trapped. I can't motivate myself to do anything about it. I hate diets - I lose and then I gain it back ten fold. *sigh* Can someone cheer me up today?
I know how you feel. I have battled weight issues all my life. It feels like you are the only one trapped and can't find a way out. I agree you should not be so hard on yourself and take it one day at a time.

I'd love to help you. What do you feel is your biggest challenge? Getting motivated, uncontrolable eating, excercise?
When I have been ready to give up before 3fc girls helped me out. We are all here to help you, too.
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Old 11-18-2008, 10:45 AM   #5
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Start out with baby steps. Don't let yourself get overwhelmed.
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Old 11-18-2008, 10:47 AM   #6
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Hi Kristy! I just wanted to lend my support to you and let you know that you are not the only one who has felt like this before.
You said you were tired of talking about how to get rid of this weight problem and I think that's good. It won't happen all at once so maybe you could concentrate on the small things that will make a difference over a long period of time.
Maybe try to focus on the positive things you can do.
Suggestions include:
Go for a little walk. - Fresh air and exercise can boost spirits.
Plan a healthy meal you will enjoy.
Write a journal entry that is entirely positive.
Drink a glass of water.
Research some exercise that you are able and happy to participate in.

Every small little thing you do that is positive for yourself is something no one can take away from you and I think that's a victory.
Now I sound preachy and I am going to go and take some of my own advice.
BTW I'm from Saskatchewan so there's something that should make you feel better already. LOL
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Old 11-18-2008, 10:48 AM   #7
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I know how you feel. I have battled weight issues all my life. It feels like you are the only one trapped and can't find a way out. I agree you should not be so hard on yourself and take it one day at a time.

I'd love to help you. What do you feel is your biggest challenge? Getting motivated, uncontrolable eating, excercise?
When I have been ready to give up before 3fc girls helped me out. We are all here to help you, too.
Bolded for truth! I don't know where I'd be if it hasn't been for everyone on this site. It's been a key ingredient in helping me through rough times.
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Old 11-18-2008, 10:49 AM   #8
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I'll tell you what Softykins. YOU CAN DO IT. You can. You can. You can. You can. Every day you don't is another day you get to wallow in self pity and depression. How much longer do you want that? A day? a week? a year? How much more will you gain? How much will you have to add to your ticker? I have been where you are right now. I seriously know the dark place you are hiding in. It doesn't take a single dime to get to where you want to be. Look deep, it's there. There is light down that long dark tunnel. Everyday it gets brighter and brighter and you will get out eventually, if you really want it...Come on, hop on the train and hold on for dear life. Don't get left behind.

PLEASE

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Old 11-18-2008, 10:50 AM   #9
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I was going to suggest a walk too.

In future ... I want you to come to 3FC every morning. Hang with us ... we'll help you every day.
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Old 11-18-2008, 10:52 AM   #10
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I hate diets
Me too!! I hate the very idea of diets. I hate the concept that you can "start" eating some way and lose weight and then "stop" eating that way and expect it to all be magically ok. I hate the idea that you have to restrict yourself to be on a "diet" and that you have to suffer.

So I don't diet. And I don't think you should either!

The only thing that really works, long term, is to make a permanent change in your life - to the way you eat, the way you exercise, and your entire mindset/outlook on your health. Anything else is just, IMO, a temporary fix and will collapse as soon as you go "off" your diet.

I would suggest that you start by doing one thing: start writing down what you eat. That's it. Don't make any big changes. Don't start a diet. Just write down what you eat. Everything. If you lick the spoon when you cook something, write it down. If you take a bite of a friend's sandwich, write it down. If you drink a gulp of orange juice from the container standing in front of the fridge, write it down.

After a few days of doing that, you'll see a very clear pattern of where you could make changes.

But for now, just start with that. See where you ARE ... which will make it easier to figure out how to get to where you want to be.

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Old 11-18-2008, 11:46 AM   #11
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Hi Kristy,

I so understand. I've been on this journey for almost 38 years (and I'm not quite 43 yet). It seems that all of my life I have felt like I was either eating or wishing I was eating.

All I can say to help is that frustration, more than anything is the true enemy. Instead of looking at successes, we look at failures, feel horrible, can't stand feeling horrible, give up, then feel more horrible....

You've got to find a way to break your personal cycle, but don't worry about it being hard, and don't look at yourself as a failure when you find it hard. Change is so difficult, most people, no matter what they're trying to change find it nearly impossible. So I really think that "just being here," really has to be looked at as 80% of the success. Seeing ourselves as a failure, often starts with thinking that everyone else is doing "better," and we're the loser at the back of the pack. Just thinking about putting in the effort puts us further to the front of the race than we think we are. Maintaining even a loss of 1 pound, pushes us further toward the front. Lose 1 lb a month, hey you're in the top 10%!

I'm learning that for me slow, low-stress weight loss works best. It's snail slow, but I feel better when I don't put extreme expectations on myself. Also, making small changes to what I'm eating and to my activity level, makes the process seem much easier and stress free. I'm not working myself into a panic, I'm just living my normal life, and making a few changes. When I get used to those changes, I make a few more. I'll tell you, these 60 lbs I've lost feel like I've done "nothing" to lose them. It feels completely effortless because I'm not putting crazy expectations on myself.

Now, I have to say this has not just been a mental change for me. In fact, it was physical changes that showed me that weight loss could require less effort. For me, changing my bc to regulate hormones, and eating fewer carbs, especially refined carbs - dramatically changed my urge to eat. Now, I'm far from perfect (which is why my weight loss is so slow), but I don't have to be perfect, I just have to be better - but the fewer sugars and carbs I eat (especially the refined ones) the less hungry I am. Not feeling starved (even after eating until bursting) is a very new experience for me. If I go "too low" on carbs, I don't feel well - so it's a balancing act to find the right carb level - but when I do I feel great, and not hungry. I actually have to be careful not to "forget" to eat - I can tell you that just a little over a year ago, I would have told you you were crazy if you told me I'd ever forget to eat. As Caroline Rhea once said in her stand-up routine "It takes a special kind of stupid, to forget to eat," and I whole-heartedly agreed, because I had never experienced it myself. I couldn't even imagine forgetting to eat, because before I finished one meal, I was already mentally planning the next.

I don't know what will work for you. It's going to take a lot of dedication and experimenting for you to find out - but you've got to remember that just trying puts you in the better than average category, and every day you stick with it puts you further ahead. We are the success stories just because we're here. And even if you only lose 1 lb and maintain it - you're doing better than average. So recognize the fact and be proud of it. You don't have to get to your goal weight to notice improvements either. When my doctor told me I'd notice health improvements after losing only 10% of my body weight, I thought he was nuts. When I started this, 10% was almost 40 lbs and I was still going to be closer to 400 than to 300 - so I thought there's no way I'm going to see any difference. I was wrong.

Oh, I don't look any different when I look in the mirror (but that's because I will always look today like I did yesterday), but in photos I can see a small difference - but my sleep apnea disappeared, I can take a shower standing up instead of always having to use a shower chair. I can use a shampoo and a conditioner instead of a combination, because I didn't have the strength to rinse, repeat. I can tie my shoes without feeling like I'm going to pass out.

A lot of the changes I didn't notice because they happened gradually, but being able to give up the CPAP machine (the breathing machine for sleep apnea) really made me sit up and notice, and write down all the things I could do that I couldn't do before. It's been astonishing. If I never lose another pound, I will still be humongously, super morbidly obese - but that doesn't erase the amazing success of the 60 lbs I have lost. My life is better because I lost those 60 lbs, so if I stop losing, I can't allow myself to see it as a failure - especially if it tempts me to give up. Because if I give up, I will gain back those 60 lbs and will lose the achievements and improvements I've experienced.

In rambing on and on and on about me, I'm not assuming that you will face the same challenges as I have. My story may not apply much to you at all, but I think the part of it that does is that persistence really does pay off - IF and it's a big IF - you remember to celebrate the successes and forgive the failures. Because if you ignore the successes and punish the failures - that is what you've made your life about - the failures. But if you celebrate the successes (even if they're very, very tiny at first) and forgive the failures - then this journey actually becomes fun and happy. I never would have believed that weight loss, dieting, and exercise could be fun. But I made it fun by not making it about the weight loss. I don't diet and exercise. I eat great food and do fun things. Fresh blackberries are now more decadent to me than chocolate. I LIKE walking on the treadmill with my Mp3 player blaring Irish folk pub music in my ear...

It can be done, but you've got to be good to yourself, regardless.
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Last edited by kaplods : 11-18-2008 at 04:30 PM.
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Old 11-18-2008, 12:14 PM   #12
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dont think of it as a diet. think of it as a "lifestyle change". that's what it needs to be.

think of all the little things you do that make you feel good about yourself. we have a bad habit of concentrating on the negatives in any situation. so if you manage to do 30 minutes of some exercise in a day / week then you can be proud of yourself cos it's an amazing thing.

also, the medication may be a part of the problem as many anti-depressants cause weight gain
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Old 11-18-2008, 12:32 PM   #13
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Everyone has given such great advice - I just wanted to chime in and second a couple of motions. First, don't expect everything to drastically change over night. We all start out wishing we could wake up next week with a bikini body but real life just doesn't work that way. I've said over and over that learning patience is one of the hardest parts of the whole journey. Start with small steps go for a short walk - even just to the end of your driveway, then tomorrow go 10 steps past the end of your driveway. Won't be long before your going all the way around the block. Before you even start trying to change your way of eating, buy a journal and start writing down everything you eat, then write down how you feel within half an hour of eating it. You might discover that something you are eating is contributing to your feeling so low. And you can discover what foods you have a hard time putting down once you take the first bite. Once you've got the habit of journaling down you can start making small changes in the way you eat. Before you know it, you'll discover you've started losing weight and you'll be feeling more in control and ready to add more changes.

And absolutely come to 3FC as often as you can. The members here are so full of such amazing warmth and support you'll be surprised what you can get through with their help.
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Old 11-18-2008, 01:23 PM   #14
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You know what? I kept gaining weight... and getting worse and worse. And I kept telling myself it would take SO LONG to get down to a healthy weight and I didn't want to waste the time that it would take. What... so I could eat more chips? lol!

So one day I said... it's going to take me at least a couple years to lose 225 lbs. I could spend those couple of years packing on another 50 lbs, or I could spend them getting healthy, making changes and DOING something about my size. But either way these next two years are going to go by.

So on September 27 I made a commitment to myself to get healthy. And now just over 50 days later I have lost 37 lbs by counting calories, eating 1800 a day, eating all whole foods with good fats, lean proteins, lots of fruits and veggies, complex carbs. Drinking my water and staying active. It's been fairly (dare I say it) non eventful.

We will help you. We will love you even when you don't love yourself. But keep coming and keep talking and it WILL happen for you. Because you deserve it.

*mega hugs* from me to you. I started at 376... and now I'm 339. Which is far from my goal weight but I'd LOVE to travel this journey with you
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Old 11-18-2008, 04:39 PM   #15
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I think alot of us get wrapped up in thinking there needs to be rapidly progressing timetable for weight loss to be "worth it", and if we're not keeping up, we're failing miserably.

I told my husband recently that it was going to take me ten years to lose all my weight at the pace I've been going, and he said "so what?" I said a similar thing to my doctor, and he had a similar response. At first my inclination was to say to both men, "you just don't get it," and I realized maybe it was me who wasn't getting it, after all how much will I weigh in ten years if I stop trying, because it's going to take me ten years to get there.
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