My father passed away this past Wednesday after a 3 year battle with cancer. The past 3-4 months have been very difficult, but for the most part I've managed to keep eating healthy and exercising consistently. This was a necessity, I've found, because I really needed to stay healthy in order to cope with everything.
I've pretty much given myself the past 5 days to eat what I want and haven't gotten any exercise at all since Friday (in part because, with everything going on and all the work that had to be done, there just hasn't been time). But now, the extended family has returned home, the funeral is over and, for everyone else at least, it's back to life as usual. Now that it's all over, I find myself completely worn out and with no motivation to get back on track. Today would have been the perfect day to get back on the wagon but I just couldn't bring myself to move. I ended up eating a ton of bad foods (people keep bringing stuff, and my willpower is nil at the moment) and never did get around to working out. In fact, I barely have the energy to get up in the morning.
I'm trying to give myself some slack, but in the back of my mind is that nagging fear that in one week (which has almost passed, already!) I'll lose all of the progress I made. How do I break out of this funk? Where is the happy medium between strict-super-dieter and total free-for-all?
I'm having a very hard time right now finding the strength and motivation to do this, but I know I need to stay healthy or I'll never be able to get through this.
Anyone else gone through this? Any advice on how to get through it?
i am so sorry to hear about your father. i can't imagine what you are going through, but i can try to offer some love and advice. don't beat yourself up over the last week, things happen in our lives that we cannot control and we deal with them in different ways. through this we learn, and grow. when something negative happens in my life i want to go for the tub of ice cream to make everything seem ok, but it only makes me feel worse. go for a long walk, do some thinking, get out of the house...do something that makes you happy, just for you, that has nothing to do with food. i like to take photographs, and writing really helps me gain valuable perspective on things whenever i am feeling confused or sad.
i don't know if any of this will help, but know that we are here for support if nothing else
I am sorry for your loss. I've lost both my parents, so I can understand what you're going through.
One thing that I'd like to offer up is a bit of wisdom from one of 3FC's other members - kaplods. She says this a lot and it really is something that I keep in the forefront of my mind:
If you trip on the first step, do you go ahead and throw yourself down the rest of the stairs?
You had some pretty serious personal issues to deal with and while you were doing that, you tripped. So now it's time to regain your balance and walk down the rest of the stairs.
You can do it. One step at a time.
.
Last edited by PhotoChick; 09-08-2008 at 09:52 PM.
I think maybe you need to give yourself a little more time. Grief takes a lot of energy and is overwhelming. I remember when my mother died, for the first couple of weeks it was all I could to do function at a minimum level. But where you are at right now is not where you are going to be forever. I know if feels that way now, but you are going to get past this stage of grief. You are going to reach a point where life starts to more forward again, where you want to be doing the things you were doing before, and where you have the energy to do them. I think that if you even just give yourself one more week with no pressure about exercise and food, you'll start to feel like getting back on track is more doable (and by then, the food coming into the house will have slowed, which will help as well).
Maybe try to go for a walk or some other light exercise. But you are going through a lot right now and added stress from feeling guilty about not exercising and eating right isn't going to help. In the grand scheme of your life, this week off plan (and even the next) isn't going to matter that much. Some things are more important than food and exercise. Do what you can for now and worry about getting back on track when you feel a little stronger.
I'm sorry for your loss. I've lost both my parents and a sister, and it's so difficult to go through.
Something to think about: Are you showing yourself love and caring more by eating things that aren't good for you or by respecting your body? You don't have to go all-out at dieting and exercise to make loving choices in food and movement.
Would it help to think of it as something you can do to honor your father? You won't be perfect, of course, but that doesn't diminish it. You can just think about each positive choice adding a little happiness for him, wherever you believe he is.
I am so sorry about your father. I can actually relate really well to what you are going through as I lost my father to cancer last month. I am still struggling with the food thing, but I have managed to get back on track with the exercising. It IS difficult and I agree with BlueToBlue that you should probably cut yourself a little slack. Of course I also agree with the whole don't throw yourself down the rest of the stairs philosophy. I've just been trying to get myself back into more of a schedule as far as both eating and exercising go. I'm trying to set some mini goals for each day as far as the food goes and to be honest, it's still a little hit and miss. I don't know what kind of exercise you're doing but do you have any friends that would be willing to go for a walk with you one night or something like that? Just that small step might be enough to make you realize that a little movement will help you feel better. I run and I will admit that for the first few runs I did I had to stop in the middle and cry because it also brought up a lot of those emotions again, but I just kept getting out there and doing it. It might also help to sign up for volunteer work or do an event that promotes cancer awareness in honor of your dad. Hang in there - each day does get a little bit easier. Just try to remember your dad is at peace now.
i hate hearing about great pain on this site, we all know how hard dieting is anyway, my thoughts go out to you.
I would suggest, when ever i go through something incredibly stressful, is to make healthy choices with food, an concentrate on that over counting, and burning.Just give it a week, eat lots of nice healty food, and it when you want, but it wont do quite as much damage. this way your body knows you are still aware of your plan, your just realxing a bit to let your mind catch up. I know im never in a place to diet when my brain is under immense stress, its normally the last thing i wanna do.
and dont worry about runining what u have done. I have had time away from dieting many times, and always come back stronger, and managed to continue on to loose. Some times we need to re-realise goals, or in this case, give yourself time to breath and think.
I haven't lost a loved one, but I have had situations where I go off plan (like a vacation) and think that I SHOULD be able to just go right back on plan when I get back. And then when I don't, I get frustrated!
I find that I do better when I take "baby steps" to get back on track. One day I might focus on planning some healthier food but don't worry about calories, the next day I focus on portions too... then I tackle the exercise...
But as others have said, your grief is real, and you might need more time! It's okay to take some time to mourn.
Just do what you can. It's hard enough to concentrate on getting through each day, let alone get through each day making good health choices. I would encourage you to continue to exercise. It can be really difficult to do by yourself (at least for me, it left open a lot of time for me to do nothing but think and cry. Then I dreaded exercising, so I stopped because I didn't want to have nothing to do but think.) so see if you can get a girlfriend to walk with you and keep you occupied. And food-wise pick good foods if you can, if you can't, just eat the fried chicken breast and pick wisely next time. And know that we're thinking of you!
Great advice has been given here already. I also would not stress over being off plan. Life happens and will throw us off at times and that's ok.
As others have suggested, I would take baby steps to get back towards your plan. I'm sure a nice walk would be not only good for you but also relaxing in a way.
Take your time. A few weeks on a relaxed plan will be fine. Focus on you and take the time you need.
You have my heartfelt gratitude. I've been a member on this forum for about three and a half years now, and though my visits here are sporadic, I keep coming back. This website/forum is possibly the most supportive group of people I've ever had the good fortune to be in contact with.
All things considered, I think I've done alright over the past week (photochick, you had the right idea - "one step at a time"). I'm not back on a perfect exercise schedule, but I have gotten some good workouts in. Likewise with eating - hasn't been perfect, but hasn't been too bad. I really need to watch my step, but I feel better about getting back in the saddle and I think I can start going in the right direction again. I'm trying to be realistic, too, and remember that I'll have good days and bad days... but I'm feeling especially optimistic at the moment, having read all the supportive posts here
Jenguin, you have my condolences on your recent loss! If you're ever having an especially difficult time, I hope you can stop and remember some of the kind things that have been said here in this thread (including your own words!) - they apply to you, too
free-for-all vs diet ****... happy medium?
