This is a long, depressing post, I want to apologize for that up front.
I've read a few threads here about people hitting a plateau, so I know I'm not alone here. But, it seems that most people are stalling after substantial weight loss - 30 lbs or more. I've only lost 13 lbs and I've been stalling - not losing or gaining - for 4 weeks.
I have:
- continued to eat reasonably and fairly "clean", and within my caloric requirements. (in fairness, the eating is probably my biggest potential problem)
- continued to exercise 5 to 6 days a week
- dialed up the intensity on the cardio (mainly with intervals) and added more weight training (I started doing cardio only and have been adding the weights/bodyweight training gradually). I've seen progress in both areas.
I was sure the increased workout load would keep me getting stronger and leaner, and keep my weight heading south, even if my eating wasn't exactly perfect 100% of the time.
The stalling alone is not the main problem, though. I'm also totally discouraged that my family is making it extremely hard. My husband is constantly bringing home box after box of Little Debbies and Tastycakes, pizza, donuts, soda, ice cream, fast food... usually because his daughter's visiting and he wants to make her visits more "fun" and indulgent. This might be tolerable if she wasn't here quite so much, but she's over a lot and the junk food intake is almost constant. Even worse, they have sort of a bonding experience sitting in front of the TV eating Burger King/pizza/candy/brownies/cookies/etc so I'm usually excluded from this. I know from experience that spending time with them during these interludes almost always means giving in and eating things that halt or reverse my progress.
I am a food addict, in a nutshell, so this is something akin to an alcoholic living in a bar, married to a bartender... or wine taster, maybe? My husband and his daughter are both genetically lean - they can eat those things and still remain very fit and lean. My stepdaughter is 16 now and while I'm gad she has a healthy body image, a small part of me is thinking that maybe it would make life a *little* easier if she jumped on the usual "I'm soo fat, I need to go on a diet!" bandwagon. I've discussed these concerns wth my husband and he gets the puppy dog eyes and says he's sorry that it's hard, that he supports me, blah blah, but he very clearly doesn't support me enough to STOP filling the house with crap.
I'm right on the brink of giving up. In fact, I think maybe I HAVE given up. I should have worked out the past three days and it just didn't happen. I've eaten more than I should have. Nothing terrible, just too much of it. I'm constantly anxious, angry and resentful (which is a HUGE drain on my energy) and of course, too tired to workout. I actually gained a pound this weekend and I can see all the progress slipping away.
I'm starting to wonder if I have to choose between staying married and being healthy. I have very serious doubts about my ability to realistically lose excess weight while living in a virtual health/nutrition minefield. The obstacles are just too great. Has anyone else ever had to make that choice? Has anyone been in a similar situation and overcome it without moving out? Am I forced to choose between married and fat (and miserable! ) or healthy but single?
I know this sounds like a big pity party... I just don't know what to do. I'm angry, depressed, and my motivation is out the window.
Comments of any kind are welcome, even if it's just to tell me to stop whining and get on with it.
I've hit two plateaus since I started losing in January. One at 10 pounds that lasted for 5 weeks, and another at 18 that I just broke through two weeks ago. I've found, for myself, that it helps to operate in "maintenance mode" for a while. I ease back on the dieting, and pretend that I'm at my goal for a few weeks. I get used to living like that, and once it isn't such a hardship anymore, I gear back up. The little break seems to give my body time to rest and regroup.
Does you husband really understand how hard those things make your life? It took almost 2 years for my husband to really grasp that having his "fun" foods in the house were just too tempting.
Maybe you could talk him into scaling it back. Rather than an ENTIRE BOX of little debbies, he could buy one package for each of them at the gas station, and stop revolving the family time around feeding at the boob tube. He also has to consider his daughter's health, great metabolism or not.
I don't think it's fair of you to ask your husband and his daughter to change their eating habits just because you want to change yours. No matter what food your husband brings in the house, you have control over what you put in your mouth and I think you need to take responsibility for what you eat.
My SO can and does eat whatever he wants. He has all sorts of food in the house that I can't fit into my diet, from high-end chocolate bars, chips, frozen Mexican food, cookies, pasta, bread, cheese, etc. It's his food and I don't eat it. Heck, not only does he have this food in the house, since I do most of the grocery shopping, I buy it for him. Sometimes I spend a lot of time picking out decadent treats for him that I can't eat (it's like I'm eating vicariously through him). Occasionally I'll even bake treats for him that I can't eat.
One food he has in the house that I have trouble with are chocolate covered espresso beans. I think the problem is that I can dip into the container and take a few without him noticing. And if all I ate were a few, it wouldn't be a problem, but lately I've been eating a lot of them. But my solution isn't to ask him not to buy them. He wants to eat them and he absolutely has the right to do so; it's not fair for his treats to be off limits for him just because I'm having a problem with them. My solution has to be that I stop choosing to eat them. I have to be responsible for the food that I eat; I can't expect my SO to be responsible for it. And I'm working on it. This week I start the second great chocolate espresso bean embargo. I had a lot of success with the first one, it's just lately that I've gotten lax; I hope to have equal success with the second.
I don't know what your work situation is, but let's say you work in an office and your co-workers bring in their lunches every day and put them in a community refrigerator. You would never in a million years help yourself to what was in their lunches, would you? Even if it was a lot of really tempting food, the same kinds of food your husband eats, their lunches would be totally off limits to you. Try to think of your husband's food the same way. It's not yours and you can't eat it.
I think you are going to have to accept the fact that your husband and his daughter are always going to be able to eat foods that you won't be able to fit into your diet. Some things in life just aren't fair. You probably have advantages in other areas that they are envious of. My SO can eat whatever he wants and is thin as a rail. I can't do that and, yeah, sometimes it . But his professional life is a mess whereas mine is fabulous. He also doesn't have many close friends in the area anymore, whereas I have several close friends and get to do fun things with them all the time. Everything balances out. I know I sound really pollyanna-ish here, but try to count your blessings instead of focusing on the negatives. And remember that life is about more than food and eating. You are disadvantaged in this area but surely you have other advantages that other people envy.
If you are watching TV with your husband and his daughter, try to have something for your hands to do. I am always doing something while I watch TV. I pay bills, I fold laundry, I go through the mail, I flip through catalogs, do a crossword puzzle. It's hard to eat when your hands are busy. Take up knitting or needlepoint. Also, don't sit within reach of the food. Sit where you would actually have to get up and walk over to the food to eat it. If you have to, re-arrange the furniture to accomplish this.
Once you decide that you are in control, it gets easier over time. The first few days of the first chocolate covered espresso bean embargo were the worst. After I got through that first week, I stopped thinking about them so much and it got a lot easier to ignore them. I think the main reason I'm so successful at not eating my SO's other food is that I've been not eating it for so long now that I don't even see it. It can help to provide a little motivation for yourself. Maybe plan a little treat (non-food related) for yourself at the end of the week if you can get through the whole week on plan.
I disagree that he has the right to keep ANYTHING he wants in the house to eat. You are trying to do something healthy for your body, and he should respect that. To bring in endless high calorie, tempting snacks is disrespectful of what you are trying to accomplish. To say that you should 'just leave them alone' is not fair -- and truthfully, he and his daughter, no matter how lean they are, should not be sitting in front of the TV stuffing their faces with garbage. That is not showing his daughter love. That is setting her up for health risks later in life when she is not sixteen with a teenage metabolism. Or, even if she is lucky enough to keep her high powered metabolism, at least a life of substandard nutrition. I would ask him, if he has to buy junk, to buy it in individual quanitites and to just buy two -- one for him and one for her. That way, it will be a lot easier for you to leave it on the shelf because it is not just a box that can be dipped into. It is just enough for him and for her. If he keeps it up, and is not willing to compromise by buying 'individual portions', I would simply tell him you will be taking the 'treats' out of the house when you find them. Then, follow through. Start throwing it away. Everytime you find it, throw it away. He will learn.
I agree that your husband should try to be more supportive...and being thin and having a high metabolism is not always healthy. They are still clogging the arteries just the same and when they get older it will catch up. I think the idea of them buying individual sizes and eating out is a good idea and also i think that you should have your healthy treats in the house as well..try to compromise and you husband needs to respect and the support your new lifestyle...good luck...try not to end the marriage though unless there are other issues involved
I have kind of the same situation here, I am the only one on a diet, and I live with three other people. Of course they have all the treats they may want in the house. I don't demand that it is removed... I've just got to learn to leave the sweet treats alone. It's hard and I know that, but YOU can do it!
Don't give up! As bad as you feel right now, you'd feel worse if you gave up ground on those 13 lbs. you've lost! Go pick up a 10 lb. bag of rice and realize what an accomplishment you've made with your 13 lbs. and how you don't want to go back to that other side.
I used to have the food fixation. My son currently has it. For some reason, a light switch went off in me and I no longer had the fixation on food, I just had the results of that fixation to deal with. Probably the light switch was my diabetes diagnosis. I've learned that, in addition to losing weight, the one thing that will help my blood glucose is that I have to mostly give up starch. I *just* figured that out. Have to do it. Need better blood glucose numbers, so I can't have the starch - period.
My husband brought home rugela (sp?) anyway -- sweet, wonderful pastry. He has never had a weight problem either. And, he doesn't quite *get* my issues. So, he asked if I wanted some. I told him no. (Because I *can't*). He said, okay -- he will take them up to his office tomorrow -- would I like him to leave me some. I debated that question (a couple wouldn't hurt, right?). I finally said, no. I want to keep that starch switch turned off -- and it means bread, pasta, potatoes, and rice.... no more.
I have to treat that stuff like it doesn't exist. But, I know the fixation. I used to have that. My son has it. It breaks my heart for him, because it's no fun.
Blue to Blue had a great idea with treating the stuff like it's in your co-worker's lunch sacks. Just not yours.
I really feel for your struggle. I hope you'll fight through it. Cheering from the outside. You can do it!
i agree that maybe you cant ask them to remove the items from your house, but maybe you could ask them to keep them away from where you keep all the usual food? Maybe have a chilly bin or something that is purely for their treats. Then at least you wont have to look at it. I find i can resist anything if i cant see it
Please dont give up! If you keep going, the worst that could happen is that you will stay the same. If you give up, you'll probably gain back everything you worked hard to lose
I have kind of the same situation here, I am the only one on a diet, and I live with three other people. Of course they have all the treats they may want in the house. I don't demand that it is removed... I've just got to learn to leave the sweet treats alone. It's hard and I know that, but YOU can do it!
Are you married to any of them, or are they roomies? IMO there's a big difference there. I've always felt that if one member of the family is adjusting their eating patterns (for any reason) the rest should rally behind them. Hubby now, after many long years of misunderstanding, keeps his treats out of the house or in single serving sizes. If he wants an ice cream sandwich, he buys a single ice cream sandwich to scratch his itch and keep me from having something to gnaw on when stressed.
When I was younger and on my first diet, my parents refused to change anything. They insisted it was unfair to have to change the entire house just because I couldn't control myself. A few years later, my mom went on a diet {everything changed! no bread, no pasta, no rice!} and my dad developed diabetes {everything changed! I couldn't even bake cookies without getting yelled at!}. To refuse to change for a family member is just selfish, and the person refusing to make the adjustments needs to think of what they would want from their spouse/child/parent if the shoe were on the other foot.
As you can see, there are a variety of opinions on whether and to what extent family members need to adjust when one of them goes on a weight loss plan. In my case, my SO and I separated our eating pretty much entirely--bought our own foods, cooked our own meals.
If the person trying to lose is in charge of groceries and meals, it makes it somewhat easier. That way, you can cook weight-loss-friendly meals and add on for those not dieting.
I'd say your plateau is because you're eating foods you shouldn't be.
I agree that it's terribly hard to have treats around... but I also think there's a limit to what one can ask family members to do. My SO also has the chocolate-covered espresso beans in the house--only I don't know where! I asked that they be hidden. But even if they aren't, I have gotten better at not eating something that "doesn't belong to me."
I'm curious about your question, lilith9, regarding staying married versus being healthy. Perhaps there are other issues in your marriage that make you want to leave? I ask because it doesn't seem like a marriage should break up over something like food choices, unless there are other things not working.
You need to get to the gym and not eat Little Debbies. You know that. So the question is, HOW do you do that? You must find a way. Other posters have made good suggestions. A separate cupboard for the bad foods, which are off limits for you, is a good one. Anything you can do to separate yourself from those foods! Also, find substitutes for yourself. If they are having junk, then plan a safe snack for yourself, so that you're not the only person trying not to eat.
I coudl have written your post, except for the stepdaughten and junk food/TV watching.
I have found all of teh posts in this thread helpful, and I will take bits and pieces from each to work with my family.
My dh loves cookies, adn I tend to eat them if they are in the house. So I'll bake him a batch, put them in a gallon ziplock bak, and ask him to take them to work. That way, he has them for lunch every day, and I'm not tempted.
I aslo agree that you (we) have to take teh ultimate respinsibility for what we choose to eat. Yeah, it's not fair taht we can't eat sweets and junk like others can. But that's when you have to realize that you could sit on the couch w/ Lil Debbie... but that you CHOOSE not to, you choose Health over taste.
I liek teh idea of finding somethign to do with them for these TV sessions. Maybe that's when you have your air popped popcorn, or maybe chew some gum. The keeping your hands busy is a great suggestion too.
Hang in there, it is tough. You CAN succeed with the junk food around, but I won't pretend it is easy. My husband wants to be supportive, but he can't seem to give up his own bad eating patterns so I am having to learn strategies to live with them.
One of the best strategies I've got so far is to make sure that on the night when we are about to watch a movie together and he is about to eat a whole pizza and a bag of chips and have drinks (with me sitting right next to him) that I have planned and budgeted the calories to have my most-loved, most-decadent, favorite on-plan meal. Usually this is some form of black bean burrito, healthy mini-pizza concoction, or vegetable sushi. It was hard the first few times, because inside I was a ravening, crazed, angry BEAST screaming for the food he was eating. But believe it or not, it WILL get easier as it becomes habit. There are still tough moments, but it won't ALWAYS feel like an all-out war inside your head.
But you've got to gut it out in the beginning. I'm just not willing to give up spending those fun Friday/Saturday evenings with my husband, so it is up to me to find the way to do them... and eventually to have fun!
a while back, a friend of mine, her husband decided to quit smoking.. they were both smokers when they met... but one day HE decided that they should quit and wanted her to all of a sudden stop too, or at least smoke only outside, downwind from the smoke, wash her hands so she didnt smell, etc... her opinion and i agree was... i was a smoker when we got married.. im stayin one till I Am the one to decide to quit...
did you and hubby used to eat those foods together? if you were thin and could eat what you want would you give them up now? prob not.. so why should he? You decided to get healthy.. and kudos for it... but i dont believe on making anyone do something just because im doing it...
my hubby is 6'5 and 200 lbs.. can eat anything and loves chocolate.. i buy it for him to take to work in his lunches, and he is considerate enough nt to eat it in front of me.. but i NEVER asked him not too..
hope this doesnt sound harsh.. i dont mean it to be.. but you are going to run into temptations all over.. family dinners, work bar b ques, etc... you cant control what anyone else eats but you... good luck hun.. and maybe as a suggestion, when they are done eating their snacks, you could all three go on a walk if they wanna, or play a board game.. something to bond with them..
Perhaps you make an agreement with your DH that at least on some occasions when his daughter is visiting they will eat the junk food out of the house? I mean, if they are having burgers, let them go to McD's, Burger King etc.
I'm so sorry to "post and run" -- I don't really have time for a full response right now but I wanted to check in quick and thank every single one of you for the encouragement and the constructive advice. It really means a lot to me, and the suggestions have already been extremely helpful.
plateau.. sooo discouraged : (
) or healthy but single?
. But his professional life is a mess whereas mine is fabulous. He also doesn't have many close friends in the area anymore, whereas I have several close friends and get to do fun things with them all the time. Everything balances out. I know I sound really pollyanna-ish here, but try to count your blessings instead of focusing on the negatives. And remember that life is about more than food and eating. You are disadvantaged in this area but surely you have other advantages that other people envy. 
So the question is, HOW do you do that? You must find a way. Other posters have made good suggestions. A separate cupboard for the bad foods, which are off limits for you, is a good one. Anything you can do to separate yourself from those foods! Also, find substitutes for yourself. If they are having junk, then plan a safe snack for yourself, so that you're not the only person trying not to eat.
