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Old 08-08-2008, 12:15 PM   #1
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I work as a nanny for a 2 and 6 year old. The whole family and I were talking last night and the mom meantioned she wants another baby. She has two months to get pregnant because we are moving and you can not find a job as a lawyer while your pregnant so she wants to have one before the move. Well the 6 year old blurts out "Meagan's pregnant", and of course the mom says no I am not and laughs. Well then he goes "she looks like she's pregnant". I could have died! Not because his comments but because he said them in front of his parents (who btw are very fit) and they proceded to make a big deal of it. I know that he didn't mean to be offensive, because he has ADHD and lacks empathy, but at the same time I was hurt. He makes comments like this a lot. If he sees a Jenny Craig commercial about losing 20 lbs during summer he's always telling me that I should do it. It's highly offensive and annoying. I've worked with a lot of kids in the past and he is the only one who comments on my weight. It's highly annoying! I just wanted to rant to get it out of my system!
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Old 08-08-2008, 12:18 PM   #2
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Rant away!

Most kids have ZERO filters on what they say...those get developed later, as we grow older. It is a little embarrassing, but laugh it off...you're on your way to never getting insensitive, annoying (but not intentional!) comments like that again...congrats on the 9 lb lost!
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Old 08-08-2008, 12:28 PM   #3
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Hmm... I know he's just a kid and everything and you said he has some problems, but all the same... you (and his parents too, I assume) don't want him to be the kid at school making the other kids cry with his comments.

What did his parents say to him after he said you were pregnant? Did they just say that it wasn't nice or did they tell him how someone's weight is off-limits and that it's rude to talk about someone else's weight and comment on how someone else looks? It makes people uncomfortable to have others judge them, etc etc...

I'm not a "kid person" by any means, and I've had kids make comments to me ab my size when I was heavier and I *hated* it, didn't think it was cute in the least, and I got mad. But then, I'm not a "kid person." When I was 16 and like 250lbs, some kid told me "You're fat and you need to lose weight bc you're ugly." I ... didn't have to most mature reaction to that... ahem... but I was 16 myself.
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Old 08-08-2008, 12:37 PM   #4
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With, say, 3-year olds, you just have to roll with the punches, so to speak. The silver lining is that they may say something like, "You're fat!", but then climb up and cuddle with you for a long time. In other words, it's just factual to them. It doesn't even occur to them that it changes anything about how they love you. It's nice to be loved that way.

On the other hand, while 6-year olds may be expected to make those kinds of mistakes, it's entirely too old for them to just be allowed to talk like that. Plenty old enough to have some limits set and start learning. Problem is, it's a very fine line for anyone but their parents to do it.

Sorry, I guess I didn't have any answers for you. You're in a tight spot as their employee. Hard to say, not really knowing what the parents are like.
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Old 08-08-2008, 12:43 PM   #5
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Oh Lord, I know exactly how you feel. Funnily enough I'm an au-pair and I've had a child comment on my weight in front of his parents and I was just mortified.

But, just like Mandallin said, young kids don't have filters....they can have verbal diarrhea Maybe you could tell him that his comments hurt your feelings and that you are working towards being thinner and healthier. When people give me negative feedback I usually turn it in to something positive, use the negative to motivate yourself.

And good on you for losing nine pounds, thats what really matters, that you've taken steps to better your health!


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Old 08-08-2008, 02:36 PM   #6
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Okay...I have three kids, ages 1, 7, and 9. My 7 year old would not DREAM of saying something like that to someone, and he wouldn't have said it at 6 years old, either.

I taught my children very early on (discussing things like this at age 3 and 4) that certain things were not nice, and that they hurt people's feelings. I absolutely would have not let that comment slide with a 6 year old, especially when he knew full well that you were not pregnant. He was just being a and he knew it. Kids can have proper decorum and manners at age 5 and 6, for the most part. They can learn boundaries and discretion...and in my opinion, ADHD doesn't have anything to do with being rude. He would have been reprimanded, made to apologize, and gotten a priviledge taken away for sure.
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Old 08-08-2008, 02:45 PM   #7
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Yeah, when I was 6 years old, I would have never DREAMED of commenting on an adult's weight or appearence in a negative way. I was taught that kind of thing was disrespectful and imo a 6 year old should NOT feel at liberty to say whatever pops into his head to an adult and get away with it bc he's "only 6."

I could see if this was the first and only comment he's ever made about the OP's weight (which could be chalked up to just not having filter) but according to her post, these comments are frequent.

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Originally Posted by aphil View Post
Okay...I have three kids, ages 1, 7, and 9. My 7 year old would not DREAM of saying something like that to someone, and he wouldn't have said it at 6 years old, either.

I taught my children very early on (discussing things like this at age 3 and 4) that certain things were not nice, and that they hurt people's feelings. I absolutely would have not let that comment slide with a 6 year old, especially when he knew full well that you were not pregnant. He was just being a and he knew it. Kids can have proper decorum and manners at age 5 and 6, for the most part. They can learn boundaries and discretion...and in my opinion, ADHD doesn't have anything to do with being rude. He would have been reprimanded, made to apologize, and gotten a priviledge taken away for sure.
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Old 08-08-2008, 04:08 PM   #8
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I feel for you. My housemate has a mild developmental disability. He started asking me if I was pregnant last year at my highest weight. He knows I really not pregnant, he's just kidding me. He doesn't know how much my feelings were hurt. Fortunately he didn't say it around other people. He's basically dropped it as I've lost some weight. When he has said it again, at least I feel better because I know I'm on a good path.

Then there is my brother who would ask me where I got the tent (meaning my shirt) when I would walk into the house in front of a few family members. He had a head injury when he was a teenager, and now he doesn't have a very good filter as to what comes out of his mouth. Now he is at his highest weight asking me how I'm eating to lose weight. But I would never make fun of him.

Good wishes & positive vibes to everyone!
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