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feeling bad: nasty and negative comments from family members

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Old 07-28-2008, 05:38 PM   #1
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Default feeling bad: nasty and negative comments from family members

So, I still live with my family. My older brother and my mom just keeps me telling me really negative stuff that affects me: they'll tell me to sit on my big fatty butt. Another example is my mom telling me when I'm starving given it's been 5 hours since I last ate that it doesn't matter since I've got so much fat to loose.

They are not supportive at all. When they learned that I was doing push-ups, they just totally laugh at me and said that it might be funny to see a fat girl like me doing push-ups and that they should see me do that once so that they can both laugh. She is currently reminding me of how fat I am, she's like hey you got bigger legs than me, there's so fatty. My brother laugh when he heard I was working out and I can't even sit one second or he'll tell me to goo workout instead of sitting even when I've done an hour of intense workout the same day. when my brother say something negative about me my mom will just laugh it off with him. Or she's like at other times telling me that I don't lose weight fast and that all my effort are worthless.

I'm so ******* sick of all that. I don't know how to react to all that. I have problems with self-esteem cause of my weight and my mom and bro just keeps reinforcing that, they aren't helping at all. I tried once telling her that those things that she and my bro tells me hurt me and not just a bit and she just said that I get angry too easily and that she just loves me. Lol, why don't she says nice thing to me instead, she's just incapable of doing that, I don't think she has ever tell me something positive.

I also dont know how to react when she and my brother tell me something negative, how should i react aside from getting angry at them and just going to my room ? im lost.
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Old 07-28-2008, 05:46 PM   #2
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Kaytlin, I'm guessing from the 90 in your user name that you are 18 years old? There's probably not a lot you can do to change your family, unfortunately, other than to just keep doing what you are doing and don't let them get you down. Siblings are cruel to each other often, and sometimes mothers and daughters don't perceive what they say as being hurtful. Can you try to talk to your mother without your brother around?


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Old 07-28-2008, 05:47 PM   #3
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I'm not much with the advice but I am sorry this is happening. I hope you can find something to get them to lay off, there are so many helpful folks here, I am sure one of them will have gone through something similar and have the perfect advice. Don't give up, you are living your life for you, not them. I know it is hard to close your ears to their mocking but try. You are a lovely beautiful person who is worth all the hard work you are doing!
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Old 07-28-2008, 05:51 PM   #4
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im 21. I tried telling my mother but she just is making no efforts at all to try to not say those hurtful things to me. They seriously hurt me, they really affect me when they say those things and I have no idea how she cant realise that and make efforts. I hate them, I am so angry at them and they are so getting me down. I dont know what to do.

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Old 07-28-2008, 05:57 PM   #5
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Possible comebacks to incredible rudeness and insensitivity by family members:

*with a look of just quiet curiosity, no other emotion* "Do you realize you just said that out loud?"

*calm, without emotion* "When you talk to me like that, I don't feel like being anywhere near you." *then WALK AWAY and go to your room, totally calm*

*calm again* "You're entitled to your opinion, and to say whatever you like, however hurtful and rude it may be."

*absolute, utter silence, while you continue reading or doing whatever you were doing as if they never spoke at all* (I highly recommend this one, the silent treatment drives rude people insane.)

The key here is just to let their comments roll off of you as if they have no effect at all. If you continue to react violently, then they will continue to provoke you...because contrary to the "but we love you!" statements, they are actively TRYING to provoke you.
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Old 07-28-2008, 05:59 PM   #6
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I find that just not sharing my expreience and plans with neg people ie keep them out of the loop has been my best survival tip. Find people who think like you do and share with them. Like the lovly people here. You may want to find someone live tho for those real hugs one needs sometimes.
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Old 07-28-2008, 06:03 PM   #7
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But they always ask me questions about it : my workout, my diet. so they just can both laugh together about it right in my face. How should i react ?

Last edited by kaytlin90 : 07-28-2008 at 06:04 PM.
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Old 07-28-2008, 06:06 PM   #8
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I completely understand. My mom is still somewhat that way and I am 33 with my own children. I just keep on working hard at losing the weight because then they won't have anything to talk about. They will be speechless because of how I have worked hard to be healthy and thin. Kind of like "I'll show them."
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Old 07-28-2008, 06:22 PM   #9
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you can use their mean negative comments as a boost for you to get healthy. I have family members that thrive off negativity. I have pretty much given up on them and just let them say what they need to say and simply ask them if they are done talking so that i can move on to a more interesting conversation. Some people just get a kick out of putting people down. Don't let it get you down, use it against them!
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Old 07-28-2008, 06:22 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kaytlin90 View Post
But they always ask me questions about it : my workout, my diet. so they just can both laugh together about it right in my face. How should i react ?
Open your mouth like you're going to answer, then close it, smile and say "wow, you really had me going there. I almost thought you cared" Turn and leave the room chuckling and shaking your head.

And, as WarMaiden said, no matter how you feel on the inside, keep the outside looking calm and your voice sounding calm.
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Old 07-28-2008, 06:27 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kaytlin90 View Post
But they always ask me questions about it : my workout, my diet. so they just can both laugh together about it right in my face. How should i react ?
Maybe you could say something like, "I would love to share with you what I'm doing, but not if you're going to make hurtful comments about it. I'm trying really hard to be healthier, and I need all the support I can get." If they KEEP laughing at your efforts, I would just refuse to discuss that aspect of your life at all with them, since they obviously don't understand how important this is for you.

I agree completely with WarMaiden: you MUST stay calm - they are trying to provoke a reaction from you! If you get angry and lash out, that only adds fuel to the fire. Don't give them what they want!! After a couple weeks, they will realize that you are SERIOUS and they will probably lay off you.
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Old 07-28-2008, 06:29 PM   #12
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Quote:
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But they always ask me questions about it : my workout, my diet. so they just can both laugh together about it right in my face. How should i react ?
I would tell them calmly that this topic is off-limits until they learn to be supportive, and then go about your business. Don't get mad, just repeat this every time they ask you.

At some point they will either get the point, or stop asking you - either of which would be good!
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Old 07-28-2008, 06:33 PM   #13
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I find that a simple "This topic is not open for discussion" works really well. Repeat as necessary (and it might be necessary a lot) until they get the hint.
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Old 07-28-2008, 06:40 PM   #14
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If you are 21 you are old enough to be on your own. Do you have a job? Could you afford an apartment, maybe share one with someone. What your relatives are doing is abuse And the best thing for you is to stay as far away from them as possible.
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Old 07-28-2008, 07:00 PM   #15
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agree with Bargoo.

You are in a very sick family situation and it is good that you even know it considering you were raised in it. Family and friends should give unconditional love & support, call you out on bad behavior, prop you up when you need it, etc. Do your mom and brother do any of that?

Do you have friends who are supportive? Are you working full time? Find an apartment or rent a room in someones house. You'll be amazed at how much better you'll feel about yourself when you are on your own, taking care of yourself. It builds self esteem. Then you can choose to see your family on your terms.
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