What amazes me is how completely messed about about body issues women in their 40s+ still are. I've heard things like "you can't wear a smaller size than me" begin competitive dieting on their part, several people I barely know have told me they think I've lost enough weight and should stop now, and someone even asked a co-worker if I was okay because "you never know when someone loses weight"! I am clearly really healthy so that was just weird. It's been pretty disturbing because I'd like to think that by my age (and beyond) we've worked through some of that crap. I've stopped talking about weight, even when people ask, and just talk about fitness now. I did go through a period when I wanted to hide though, and it's hard to hide when everyone notices the way you look!
Lately, I just reply to negative comments with, "Hmm, jealous? "
I love this response!
Luckily I've met with mostly positive responses. There were a few who needed confirmation that my weight loss was "on purpose, not b/c I was ill." And a friend who cannot understand how I did it "so fast" while she has been watching for a while and has not seen a big change. I just politely told her she was stating at a much lower weight (ie. she's not overweight at all) and it makes sense her losses would be slower
Anyway, I've enjoyed reading your posts throughout my time with 3fc and wish you some patience and virtue dealing with the malevolence.
You look great and it sounds like you feel great. BEST REVENGE!!!
Last edited by kittycat40; 07-23-2008 at 09:43 AM.
I think what happens is that it reminds people that they too may have had goals they haven't met and it was easier when the people around them weren't doing it, either.
I haven't gotten anyone flat-out cruel to me yet, but I have had the small little things of "But you look fine now! If you lose anymore weight you'll be skinny"
Hello - I'm still 24 pounds away from just being "normal" weight.
The real problem comes when you're not sure who's genuinely concerned and who's trying to sabotage, and you can get a little bit defensive.
But as for flat-out nasty, these are the kind of people who would harp on anything.
You know how well you've down and how much you've achieved, and believe me - so do they.
I wish I could be above it, but this thread reminds me about some situations where I am jealous of others and I think that vikkivma's point about others' success reminding people of their failed (or not-yet-achieved) dreams really hits home with me. I have been a little (or a lot!) bitterly jealous about someone that won a writing award that I tried to win, but did not win. I actually surprised myself about my feelings, and this thread brought that into clarity. I read a piece of the winning work last night, and you know what, she deserved to win. I know that my jealousy really stems from my inability to create something of that caliber---yet. But once I idenitified those feelings, I also identified a plan of action---keep writing and write something better each time. The only one who can keep me from succeeding is myself.
I guess I'm writing a novel right now! But my point is that jealousy tells you a lot more about the person who is jealous than about you. That emotion is all about the person feeling it. Unfortunately, it can rear up and hurt your feelings. Someday those jealous people might be ready to work for abs like yours, Shane, and they may come to you for advice. I know you are big-hearted enough to help them if they do.
Thanks for an interesting and thought-provoking thread.
I never had people jealous of me even when I was really really thin, I must have an ugly face. Seriously though, those people are idiots. I'd be far too embarressed to make a comment like the ones they make because that'd CONFIRM I was a complete bitter loser to everyone!
I got my first taste of hater-ism about a week ago.
This woman at my job (who does not like me) offered me some food from a potluck. I politely declined and she says: "Oh you're on your diet thing, huh?" I say yes and then she says: "It doesn't look like you've lost weight, I can't really tell."
Ugg, I get annoyed at people who are so jealous and make rude comments. I found that it's mainly women (well at least from what I've observed). Back in high school when I dropped a few pounds, my best friend at the time said, "What the ****! I'm supposed to be the hot one in our friendship." And it's not like she said it jokingly; she was serious and almost pissed off.
Thankfully, my current friends are the best and encourage me to get healthy.
P.S. Shane, you're hot and you know it . People tend to get jealous when they see someone hot, when they're just plain looking.
Some people hate themselves so much or feel just like they are losers that the only possible way to feel anything positive about themselves is by tearing somebody else down or proving that at last they are 'better' at something than somebody else.
A really bad and nasty side effect of negative zero self love/esteem.
I haven't had a whole lot of negative comments, most people have been really encouraging and nice. My supervisor at work, though, has been about the only person to make disparaging comments. For example, at one point when I had lost 41 pounds, one of my co-workers said, "she lost 41 pounds! Isn't that awesome?" and my supervisor said, "holy! If I lost 41 pounds, I'd be right skinny!" I guess she was saying that with 41 pounds gone, I was still a hippo! I generally ignore her, I know she is jealous, but if I'm in a spiteful mood, I will tell her how much I have gone now, or mention the new things I am able to do because of my new shape, just to rub it in!
My supervisor is the only one who has really made cracks, but I have heard that several of the other females don't like the thought that I will be smaller than them. I guess they're afraid I will be competition for the men or something.
Emily you aren't ugly, don't say that about yourself. If people aren't acting negatively around you like this you probably have surrounded yourself with good, positive people.
A lot of people feel the only way they can feel better about themselves is by putting others down. It starts in grade school and unfortunately some never stop doing it...so it is no surprise to me that there are 40+ year olds doing it.
So ignore them or give them something to think about. Try not to take it personal because their comments are a reflection of THEM not YOU.
Side not: I'm not sure I'd ever use the jealous comment Shane but that is funny...and who knows, someday I may be in your position. I am moving back to the states someday and will unfortunately meet up with my sister again I'm sure. The same sister who was absolutely gleeful last time I saw her that I was 'fat like her' and has not commented once on my weight loss journal or via e-mail. My other sister has but not her. I am pretty certain when I see her again she's not going to be happy that I chose to do something about my weight. In my entire life I cannot think of a single time she was ever happy for me for something positive in my life.
"
But once I idenitified those feelings, I also identified a plan of action---keep writing and write something better each time. The only one who can keep me from succeeding is myself.
. People tend to get jealous when they see someone hot, when they're just plain looking. 
