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I admit it, I have a problem.

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Old 07-01-2008, 09:15 AM   #1
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Unhappy I admit it, I have a problem.

I'm obsessed with food, and in a negative way. I've previously battled eating disorders... ever since I was about 12-14 years old (I'm now 20). After a serious meltdown I saw a therapist and slowly started getting better.

My old roommate (I kicked her out. She was a really toxic person and just bad news all around) had anorexia. She recently got out of inpatient so she was 220 lbs and starving her way back down. Seeing her lose weight so quickly, and the snide remarks she would make to me about her losing weight so fast brought back too many bad memories and habits.

The last couple of months I've been going back and forth between starving and binging and taking laxatives. Right now I'm at 145 lbs. I didn't think that I had a problem. I thought that I was okay and that I could handle what I was doing and go back to *normal eating* when I was ready.

Yesterday I started trying to eat normally, to lose weight healthily. I put myself at about 1200 calories a day... and yesterday I ate more like 1400 and I was so upset at myself. This morning I got on the scale and gained a lb from yesterday. I got SO MAD, and I just wanted to break the scale and cry.

I know, logically, that your weight fluctuates from day to day. I know that sodium and hormones can make your body retain water but I don't know... it's like there's this other, irrational side of me that takes over and makes me feel like crap.

I want to go see a therapist but in about a month I'm moving back to Seattle from NC, so I don't want to start seeing somebody and then have to leave.

I guess I just wanted to vent, and get any support or advice that anyone has to give.

Sorry it was so long.
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Old 07-01-2008, 09:18 AM   #2
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ya know I think 1400 might be a good amount of calories for you to eat esp if you are young and getting some exercise.... that one pound is water i'm sure...




i'm sorry you are struggling so.
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Old 07-01-2008, 09:36 AM   #3
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Melissa -

You have already come a long way. Don't ever beat yourself up if you don't have a perfect day. That's called living life.
Have you checked out the Chicks in Control board? For people who struggle with the types of issues you are talking about. The link is here
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Old 07-01-2008, 09:42 AM   #4
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Hang in there hun things will work out! You have already done so great you should be proud of yourself!
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Old 07-01-2008, 09:48 AM   #5
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I think its very important for you to understand that during any persons weight loss that the recommended lowest calories a person should ever go to are 12000 a day. So if you start out at that - where are you gonna go? so maybe you should start at 1400 and see how that goes. You can do it - and just because the scale is up a little don't let it dishearten you
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Old 07-01-2008, 09:54 AM   #6
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It's not surprising that you would gain a pound, after how you've been treating your body. You probably need to gain more than that in Lean Body Mass! (not fat)

200 calories does not make or break a weight loss plan. It's probably better for you to be eating 1400 calories.

Please try checking in with the members in Chicks in Control, if you haven't been over there already. Here's a link:

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=64

Quote:
it's like there's this other, irrational side of me that takes over and makes me feel like crap.
That is exactly what is happening. You need to ignore that irrational side! It will have you going down the wrong road if you don't.

Please get into counseling as soon as you can--this is not something that you can fix easily yourself, because you can't tell what "normal" is...

Hang in there! Get enough food! Don't worry about the scale for awhile.

Jay
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Old 07-01-2008, 03:53 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovelypurple View Post
The last couple of months I've been going back and forth between starving and binging and taking laxatives.
I was on this cycle for 5 years until I realized that this is exactly what was keeping me fat. I had to give it up or I would stay in that cycle forever and never get anywhere. I would just be miserable. You pretty much have to come to those realizations for yourself, no one can force you. Maybe that is where you are at right now.
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