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I'm Just the Fat Friend.

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Old 06-29-2008, 10:20 PM   #1
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Default I'm Just the Fat Friend.

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Old 06-29-2008, 10:48 PM   #2
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That can and does happen to anybody. While you don't like the guy that's interested in you, the fact is, you are getting attention. Just not from the guy you want. No fun at all to be sure, but not necessarily related to your weight. Hope it gets better.
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Old 06-29-2008, 10:54 PM   #3
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My only two friends are pencil thin, so I feel your pain as the "fat friend"...
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Old 06-29-2008, 11:15 PM   #4
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I totally feel you pain too. Just remember though, that just because you don't find the second guy attractive doesn't mean that he has bad taste...he's into you, and that's a great compliment! He sees something special in you, and that's what you should focus on. Maybe you'll get to know him and really like him.
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Old 06-29-2008, 11:15 PM   #5
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I'm thinking that the guy you're attracted to was attracted to you. But, when he found out that his friend was into you, he stepped back (probably because it was obvious that his friend was MORE into you). On the other hand, it could have been, that from the start, he did have his eye on your friend, knowing his friend had his eyes on you - with plans for a fun double-dating kind of thing.

One thought though, why do you think that the guy that is into you doesn't count? I understand that you're not attracted to him, but it seems that you completely dismiss his attention as a sign that you are attracting male attention, even if not the specific male you were hoping for.

Why are you "second hand garbage" when one guy isn't interested in you, but another guy is. You know that happens to super skinny and/or gorgeous girls and guys too - two girls like two guys and the guys happen to turn out to be interested in the "wrong" girl (in the girls' opinions) or vice versa.

Why doesn't the interested guy's attraction matter to you? I understand that you aren't attracted to him (but are the reasons superficial or based on different interests and outlooks on life), but why are you worthless unless the guy you're attracted to is attracted back.
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Old 06-29-2008, 11:31 PM   #6
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I agree. I think the guy you like was interested in you first. I think if anyone is second hand garbage, it's your friend. Of course, she's not. I say it that way because I don't think you'd talk about her that way, yet you talk about yourself that way. Obviously, you had TWO guys into you and you were the first choice for them both! If anything, you should be flattered. It sucks that the guy you're into is now focusing on what he thinks he can attain without destroying his relationship w/ his buddy. That shows that this guy you like is a good guy. However, sometimes, things aren't going to be smooth and I don't think weight is the issue here. I understand why you think so though, because we have all felt this way in the past.

What are you going to do? Quit and gain back all your weight? That would be a self-fulfilling prophecy. You should take good care of yourself because you're worthy of the best...no garbage anywhere in sight! Take care of yourself and hang in there so that you can look back at this time and see what a fighter you were..that you held on even when it got really, really tough. Go workout that stress of yours and feed your body right because if you don't love yourself, how can you find the love you want?

I hope I'm not being too harsh, but I just feel for you and I don't want you to quit.

Take care.
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Old 06-30-2008, 01:11 AM   #7
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Don't quit! It sounds like you're going through what I've gone through...everytime I liked a guy, it seemed he liked someone else, usually someone thin. I used to think "what's the use?" and comfort myself with fattening foods. Now that I have nearly 100 pounds gone (for reasons that have nothing to do with finding love), I am getting more attention from men, some who creep me out or who I just am not interested in. Still feels kinda nice. I try not to validate myself on whether I attract men or not, I try to look at my accomplishments and personality and get validation from that. If things don't work out with this guy, someone else will come along who will make you forget all about him. Things may work out with this guy...who knows what will happen.

As I've said, I've been thought of as the "fat chick who could never get a guy". Now that I'm getting smaller and some females may be seeing me as competition, I am on the receiving end of catty comments from some of these girls. Before,that might have had me heading straight for the fridge...now it gets me in my sneakers and out jogging...I am trying not to let others have that much power over me that I undo all that I've worked so hard to achieve, weight-wise. You'll do o.k...just don't quit!
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Old 06-30-2008, 01:23 AM   #8
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I have always been the bigger girl out of all of my friends... and still am. One time I was even told he would take my brains and my girlfriends body, I'm the smart one, she's the pretty one.
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Old 06-30-2008, 01:39 AM   #9
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You know, it is possible that it has nothing to do with your weight. Just as you are attracted to a certain type of person, he may be attracted to a certain type... who knows if that type isn't you without actually asking him. If you talked off and on, and he was somewhat into you- which he definitely seemed like he was into you for at least friendship if nothing else... you should ask him. Only he can tell you what he was thinking.

I was watching Joy Nash the other day on Youtube and I couldn't help but yell AMEN! To her rant that we instantly think men aren't attracted to us because of our weight. It's definitely something to watch

We do more damage to ourselves by constantly turning it over in our minds that are plagued with negative thoughts--- chances are... it didn't have anything to do with your weight

Rach

p.s. If it is your weight... even when you've lost all you have to lose... would you want a guy who wouldn't date an awesome girl because she's a fat chick? LOL I can't help but wonder.....

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Old 06-30-2008, 02:37 AM   #10
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Don't give up. Keep on losing like a maniac, chicky. Then, you'll be the hot friend, and won't have to worry about the "fat friend" issue ever again. As for guy1, just corner him and ask him if he's avoiding you. You were talking, now you're not, so approach it from that angle. He might just be trying not to get in the way of his buddy, but whatever the issue, he's the only one with the answers.
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Old 06-30-2008, 02:56 AM   #11
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Don't give them that kind of power!! You're losing weight/getting healthy for YOU, not anybody else! When you give someone else power like that it just makes it worse. Trust me I know. I've done it so many times I've lost count and I'm tired of it!

I agree with the others, some people are just more attractive to others. It is probably not even related to your weight. That is "you" talking. I know, I used to do that too and after watching the Oprah show all about the "The Law of Attraction" I stopped because what they were saying is the truth. "You get back what you put out." So if your putting out negative vibes about yourself, then what are ya gonna get back? Negativy.

I found that in my situation I had recently. So brush it off and I'd just be friends with those two guys, show them that it doesn't bother you at all. Go out and have FUN!!

Okay there is my 2 cents, well okay 5 cents worth!!! lol. I know its "easier said than done" but really just try it once, see what happens!!!

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Old 06-30-2008, 04:58 AM   #12
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Old 06-30-2008, 05:05 AM   #13
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You are getting attention, but from the wrong guy and its not common. It happens to the best of us... skinny or fat. And most of us like people who it seems don't return those feelings. So you're not alone. But the thing is you cant use the 'I'm the fat friend' excuse because this has nothing at all to do with your weight.

I personally think that this guy did like you, but if his friend does too he's going to be a good friend. Don't feel too bad about it, it's just how life goes
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Old 06-30-2008, 06:40 AM   #14
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Don't you dare quit Missy!!

Look at well you have done!!

To be honest how it comes across to me is that the guy you like, likes YOU! But for whatever reason feels your off limits because his friend likes you... so may seem as if he is "off with you" but in actual fact does not want to step on anyones toes.

He wanted the details passed to you about the film..he told your friend to pass them to you!

Oh honey, I really feel for you...I know what its like to feel the fat friend..the "bubbly" one.. Your changing that with every single day! Don't you dare quit!

Bigs hugs

xxx
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Old 06-30-2008, 09:08 AM   #15
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Quote:
I just seem to go through these enormous moodswings. I feel fantastic, I feel beautiful, and then I feel disgusting.
I think this is the core issue you're facing. I think whether it's one guy or the other is just the most recent example.

Have you considered counseling? Sometimes it helps to get the opinion of someone who isn't "a friend" and can give a more objective viewpoint.

Also I trust that you have other things in your life that you can turn your attention to. Cute boys come and go, but life continues... Don't give up your weight loss program. Your health and fitness are hugely important--much more important than who likes whom.

Jay
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