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Old 06-29-2008, 09:03 PM   #1
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Default i know i can, don't i?

In my head I do, and I know all the reasons are there for me to be strong an just get started. I know it all. And yet I dont start, or i do and then by the end of the day realise i ate more than yesterday, or find a million excuses to justify my overeating, my lack of discipline, or punish myself by saying nasty things to myself. My DH says nothing, does nothing, he doesnt sabotage but he doesnt help either, sometimes acts like he was my son! and then complains when i take over and do everything at home and take care of all the bills and just do things. its annoying. i feel so alone, in everything. is this weight loss journey supposed to feel so lonely? i ask for support and all i get is "but i like your tummy, and i have no problem with you being fat" well i do! damn, i do! i dont care if he likes me fat, i don't. i've been fat all my life, i've felt huge and of course i know have not been comfortable with the way i look since i was a kid, family didnt help, usually made things worse by making me the fattie and pointing it out whenever they could, they still do. there is this big emptiness inside of me, it wont go away, not with foods, not when i have a fag. im tired and im fed up with my lack of self everything. i wish i'd find a way or get someone kick my behind and make me snap out of this self pity.
i feel a little better just letting some steam out. sorry for this.

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Old 06-29-2008, 09:13 PM   #2
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Sorry you're feeling so lonely. The weight loss journey doesn't have to be lonely, but you do have to find people who share some of your goals and interests. Like any with a support group like weight watchers or TOPS (take off pounds sensibly). Also, have you considered counseling for yourself? You deserve a healthy self esteem no matter your weight and it sounds like you, like most of us on this journey, have some baggage that needs to be taken care of. I wish you the best of luck!!
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Old 06-30-2008, 08:48 AM   #3
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Nightingale, I've moved this into Weight Loss Support. It'll get more coverage here.

First, a big hug for you. You're not alone here. Many of us have felt very much the same way as you do now. And still do.
And like you, most of us know how to lose the weight. It's not rocket science. We've read all the books, magazine articles, online tips. And yet we still keep searching for something new. Something that will do the job for us without any effort on our part.

You really have to accept that no one can do this for you. Really. I think that deep down, you know that. Regardless of how much your family may love you, you need to commit to this journey as something you can and will tackle on your own. Not without support. I think that Winning the War's suggestion of therapy is an excellent one. And there's lots of support here and in many other places. But if you're not getting it from your family/friends at home, don't keep looking for it there. Accept that this is something they can't help you with.

When you're putting something in your mouth, stop and think. There's no one to take the food from your hand to physically stop you. But is that necessary? Are you an adult? Do you make decisions on your own? Do you have a choice?
We can fling around words like "willpower" and "strength", but it all boils down to choice. That's an incredibly powerful word, and you can use it to make small steps. It takes practice to stop and choose. We're on autopilot where food is concerned. It may not feel like a choice when we're feeling sad or lonely or depressed, but that choice is still ours to make.

And stop saying nasty things to yourself, hon. You're sabotaging your efforts. If you make a good choice, congratulate yourself! And if you make a mistake, acknowledge it and move on. Sometimes we just need to say, "I'm doing the best I can right now. It's not as good as I'd like, but it's my best for right now."

You know this: You're only human, and not perfect. Never will be. But deep inside, you're a powerhouse. No one else has the capacity to use that. It's yours alone.

Hang in there, girl. I'll bet you can make... let's see... how about three good choices today?
I am a runner!

"Wouldn't it be wonderful to take all the evil people and put them over there, then we wouldn't have to deal with them. And all of us good people would stay right here. The problem is that the line separating good and evil cuts right through the human heart." Alexander Solzenitzen
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Old 06-30-2008, 09:44 AM   #4
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What ellis said!

I feel your desperation. You're not alone! Many here at 3FC really "get it."

Try to come up with a plan... maybe starting with those 3 choices mentioned. You don't need to change everything at once to get started. Maybe choose one food that you know you overeat, and limit it or give it up altogether for now. Maybe decide to do some walking for twenty minutes, or to get an exercise video like Walk Away The Pounds and just do part of it. Small steps! And then congratulate yourself when you follow through on these small changes.

You're not alone--give it a try--don't worry about anyone else.

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Old 06-30-2008, 12:02 PM   #5
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A view from the other side, speaking as a husband. I know you are frustrated with your husband, but it is more likely your interpretation of the things he says and does that is upsetting you, as opposed to any sort of genuinely negative attitude that he has.

The truth is that blokes simply don't know a damn thing about women, women are a complete mystery to men, they certainly have no idea as to what is, and what is not important to women, such as empathising their feelings and validating them. Your husband probably doesn't have a clue how upset you are and why, and he probably never will unless you tell him straight. Once he finally understands exactly what you need from him, he may well become a great support for you.
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Old 06-30-2008, 12:16 PM   #6
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Truth of the matter is ... weight loss doesn't have to be lonely ... but you do have to do it ALONE.

And what I mean by that is that your weight loss is YOURS - no one else, even someone who is losing the exact same amount of weight as you are, is going to understand YOUR journey.

The basics are the same for all of us: eat less, exercise more. That's non-negotiable. But for each of us, the motivation, the drive, the *commitment* has to come from within. And what we do to trigger that commitment is 100% uniquely individual, no matter what your husband, doctor, boyfriend, best friend, or boss says.

It's not always easy, but when you start to see the results and you start to realize that you have control of your life in that way ... it's an amazing revelation. It really is.

Hang in there. I'm not going to wish you "good luck" because it's not about luck. It's all in you ... and you can do it!

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Old 06-30-2008, 07:22 PM   #7
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Thank you all from the bottom of my heart, for your support.

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