I have 2 things to vent about here. I'll start with the general and move to the more specific issue. Warning this is a huge long vent!
Why isn't my family more supportive of my losing weight? They have all been nagging me for years about my weight (especially my mother), and then when I find an eating plan that I enjoy, I get people doing some or all of the following:
- unhelpful or critical comments
- pushing food on me
- having unhealthy foods around me
- no compliments or encouraging comments (for the most part)
- complaining that they want to lose weight too but not willing to consider my eating plan
Here is specifically what upset me recently.
2 times my brother has shown great interest in my eating plan. He has talked about how fat he feels, and how much it bothers him. And he has said that my eating plan sounds really good, and he'd like to learn more about it. But his wife interrupted him (she was pregnant at the time, in her third trimester) and said how she doesn't want him going on a diet at that time because she doesn't want to be the only "fat one". [That hurt my feelings but I didn't say anything. But I was thinking, "Oh, it's ok for me to be the fat one? That is how you think of me?] I understood that she is hormonal and feeling weird about the changes in her body. So I let the issue drop.
Well they had their baby, and we were visiting together. The baby is 2 weeks old. And my brother started complaining about how much his back is hurting him and how he thinks he needs to lose weight. I asked him if he was still interested in my eating plan and he said "YES" with a visible look of relief on his face, like "Yeah, I want to eat healthy!" I thought that perhaps his wife looked a little put out by it. But I wasn't sure. I went home and thought about it, and then I read somewhere that it is not recommended that pregnant women go on a diet for the first 6 to 8 weeks because their bodies are healing and the milk supply is being established. So I emailed her and let her know that it dawned on me that maybe she would rather not hear more information about dieting right now, because I wanted to be sensitive to her needs right now. She wrote back and said that it is true she is not interested in thinking about diets right now, and when the time comes, she will be looking for a "low fat plan". I interpreted that to mean that she doesn't want to learn about my eating plan because it's not a low fat plan, per se.
Then I started to feel really persecuted because all I want to do is help my brother, since he keeps telling me that he is interested in learning about my eating plan. I mean, if he wants to follow my eating plan, why should it bother her? If he cooks and prepares his own food, it should not matter to her.
So I wrote to my brother and told him more about my eating plan.
Then I emailed my sister-in-law and let her know that I had shared some information about my plan with my brother via email, but that I hope that is alright, so long as he is helping with the cooking and food preparation.
I haven't heard a word back. I'm sure she is annoyed with me. But honestly! I just don't understand why she is being so negative about my eating plan unless she either (A) Doesn't want to have to cook special meals for my brother, or (B) just wants to reject anything that I have to say.
This is the same sister-in-law who made such a HUGE deal about cooking only healthy meals after my other brother (not her husband) had bariatric surgery last year. It was this brother's birthday, and I wanted to make him a birthday cake and she (SIL) made this huge issue about it, saying that we should have steamed pears instead for desert, as well as spinach souffle and other strange things for dinner. Before the party, I felt I should call my brother (the one having the birthday, not her husband!) to explain why I wasn't giving him a cake, since I had promised him to make a really special batman cake for him. (He is a super heroes fan). When he heard the reason why, he said that he didn't understand why she was so insistent on keeping a cake from his party, since he could just take a tiny taste of it, or he could just enjoy seeing it and not eat it. It wasn't such a big deal to him, except he was looking forward to me using this special, vintage batman pan that he had bought off of ebay for me. (LONG story, but this brother has been really supportive of my interest in cake decorating, and has bought some vintage pans for me, including superman and wonder woman). It was honestly the weirdest birthday party ever with all the food being soft like baby food. My brother said he appreciated her concern, but he didn't have to eat baby food because he was back to eating solid food for months previous to this day!
Evidently, now that I am having success on my diet and looking thinner, my health doesn't matter? I don't need to be encouraged? I just think it is weird how controlling she is being about not letting my brother go on a diet. Why does he have to stay fat until she is ready to lose weight? I mean, if he lost weight now, he could HELP her later on when she wants to start losing, by cooking all the healthy recipes he learned!!! Plus, he could just feel better, be in a better mood, etc.
Heart disease runs in my family. My grandfather died of a massive heart attack. My brother takes after him a lot. I worry about his heart health. I guess she doesn't care? She just keeps saying to him, "I don't think you need to lose weight. You look fine."