What are we really hungry for?
The Non-Diet Approach, March 13, 2002

Lose weight without dieting? HOW?!?!

By getting to the root of why you overeat in the first place! "Why Weight," written by Geneen Roth, is a non-diet book that contains exercises designed to help compulsive eaters learn how to stop using food as a substitute for handling difficult emotions or situations. You'll also learn how to enjoy eating and still lose weight naturally. This program offers reassuring guidelines on:

-- kicking the scale-watching habit forever
-- learning to say no
-- discovering other pleasures besides food
-- learning the difference between physical and emotional hunger
-- listening to and trusting your body's hunger and fullness signals

Each week at least one exercise will be posted and you are encouraged to share your answers, thoughts, etc..

Please share any insight, ideas, articles or other information that you may have.

Join us in Breaking Free from Compulsive Eating!

Exercise 45: The Seduction of Wanting

Consider the things you have wanted and received in your life. What did you believe would happen when you got them? And then, what actually did happen?

Things I have wanted and received:
As a child:
As a teenager:
As an adult:

Exercise 45: The Reality of Having

Pick one of your responses from childhood, one from teenage years, and one from your adult life and describe how having what you wanted changed your feelings about it:

As a child, I thought that having…
I discovered instead that….

As a teenager, I thought that having…
I discovered instead that….

As an adult, I thought that having…
I discovered instead that….

Exercise 45: The Seduction of Wanting

Consider the things you have wanted and received in your life. What did you believe would happen when you got them? And then, what actually did happen? In general, I've always received what I've wanted in life, but many times I've received long after the wanting had subsided and my circumstances had changed. So I've rarely had to test whether what actually happened matched my original beliefs ... I had mentally moved on.

Things I have wanted and received: Too numerous to mention, but here's a few ...

As a child: I wanted a bicycle; I have terrible balance but thought I would hop on and ride like the wind and be cool. I wanted a book of Shakespeare; the library teacher told me I was not old enough to understand Shakespeare, but I thought that was silly.

As a teenager: I wanted to be recognized as a great writer (somewhere between Louisa Mae Alcott and John Steinbeck). I wanted to have a job. I wanted to go to a dance and be beautiful (by which I meant thin).

As an adult: I wanted to be a reporter; as an adult student in J-school, a teacher said I would never see the inside of a newsroom (this person actually won a Pulitzer Prize that year; I didn't applaud). I wanted a house. I wanted to lose weight and keep it off and be one of the superfit.

Exercise 45: The Reality of Having

Pick one of your responses from childhood, one from teenage years, and one from your adult life and describe how having what you wanted changed your feelings about it:

As a child, I thought that having a book of Shakespeare would prove I was old enough to understand it.

I discovered that I was right; I loved Shakespeare and still do. (As for the bike, it took me six months to learn to ride, but I still have terrible balance.)

As a teenager, I thought that going to a dance and being beautiful would be a dream.

I discovered instead that it was a nightmare because I didn't think I was beautiful. Now I know that I was and am but not everyone is able to appreciate that!

As an adult, I thought that having a job in a newsroom would be great and also serve as an example to the naysayers not to discourage people on the basis of their own prejudices.

I discovered that I was right. It was all those things and more. It was also quite stressful

Addendum to the adult years: The house and the losing of weight have all happened, too. I discovered that these and all things in my life have been mixed blessings, both wonderful and terrible. It is the nature of life and didn't surprise me.

This exercise is a good one for applying to food binges, which I think is what it is meant to be about. So many times I've obsessed about something I want to put in my mouth (e.g., Slimfast ... picturing it traveling down my throat in all its cold vanilla glory, settling in my stomach, calming my anxiety and cooling my body ... often my binges are triggered by the heat, BTW). The binge food IS usually just as satisfactory as my dream, but only for a short time, then it's all over and I have to start obsessing from scratch again, thinking about filling the empty space, which can never really be filled.

LLB: I'll look for the Science vanilla powder. Thanks for the tip (and the exercises; these always make me think.

As a child I wanted to be popular.
As a teenager I wanted to be a great intellectual.
As an adult I wanted spiritual fulfillment.

As a child I thought that being popular and part of the 'in' crowd would be everything. I discovered that it was a prison and after I was seen socializing with the other kids I was kicked out.

As a teenager, I thought that being seen as an intellectual would be so cool. I discovered that it felt false, pretentious and I missed out on being a teenager, since I was married in my teens to a much older man, and divorced 2 years later. [and that's another can of worms!]

As an adult, I wanted spiritual fulfillment, and still do. I've discovered that I'm always changing and I mustn't be too attached to any one set of ideas.

This seems to be the lesson during this stage of my life--that things aren't always as they appear. Ideas, beliefs have a "slippery" quality and I have to be prepared to flow with life.

I'm not sure if I really "got" this exercise--I just went for it as a stream of consciousness thing, because if I deliberated over it I might've lost my nerve to post!

Eydie Whatever you post is right. I wanted to post my answers to this today but the weather is awful and I need to calm down from my drive home first.

Hi, I'm Luckmom1 - As a child, I wanted to be like Joan of Arc. I wanted to save the world and challenge tradition at the same time. In reality, I struggled to fit in and was good at being well behaved. As a Teen, I wanted to be an entertainer. In reality my dramatic arts were limited as my attempt at the flute fluttered away. My dramatic interpretation was not encouraged. So I had no outlet except to dream of other adventures. As an adult, I dreamed of a man who would care for me and a family as large as any catholics although I am Lutheran. I ended up with an elderly spouse who I later divorced and an only child. On the up side is that she is very talented in the musical arts and dramatic interpretation. So life is beautiful. I am single and doing quite well at taking care of her and myself.
Yours,
Luckymom1

LuckMom Of course you can join, with 2 "lucky's" how can we lose (except weight of course).

Good thing I left work at noon because now it is snowing even harder. It's pretty now that I am home and not driving on the roads. They were awful. Just thought of "as an adult I dream of being wealthy or able to work from home so I don't have to drive on these icy, snow covered roads in blizzard conditions!!!!..

Things I have wanted and received:
As a child: nothing comes to mind, which could point to other issues..too old to remember ; or I didn't get anything or I didn't want anything?

As a teenager: boyfriend

As an adult: new car


As a child, I thought that having… would make me more.
I discovered instead that…it didn't.

As a teenager, I thought that having… would solve my problems.
I discovered instead that…it didn't.

As an adult, I thought that having - would make me happy, fulfilled.
I discovered instead that happiness and fullfillment isn't from things.

Cliches are true "you can't buy happiness".