how 2 keep home the safe place w/ no support from family???
I am so frustrated. I dont want junk in my house period...I had set a day aside just for junk food so that my kids and husband can have it and so that if i wanted it i could have it on that day. But like there really isnt support from my husband. Like I told him i needed him to support me then he begs me to get cookies....hes not even fat and he loses weight doing NOTHING... anyone that has watched the movie "why did I get married" How that guy helped shela (sp?) Like not just say do something about it or ok i guess I wont get cookies...Like he excercised WITH her. THAT IS WHAT I FLIPPPING want. but to get that thru to my husbands head. He says he doesnt have a problem with my weight and a while ago he said he wanted to help me so he found these ultra 90 pills but i didnt take them for very long...to many reasons to list...instead of not asking me for cookies and even if it is him lifting weights while i am doing and excercise machine in the same room...that is support....I know that it is me doing it and I shouldnt let them affect me but like someone had said dont have the junk in your house because your house is to be your safe zone...if it isnt here i dont eat it or want it. But when i am up late and on a hunt in the kitchen just for something to munch on....if there are cookies I WILL EAT THEM....even if I dont like them or want them....so if they were there and all that was there was my bag of carrots then I would be fine with the carrots...uggghhhh I am so ready to cry I am just so frustrated I want to lose this weight but there is no support here he could care less if I did or didnt lose weight...i have no clothes to wear...My 4 toddlers & baby want to go outside and play and I am too fat and outta shape to do that so what do I do sit down and watch them play because I cant even keep up with them....I know my 5 year has no clue but he will say stuff like yeah if papa (husband) will eat those cookies he will get a fat belly like you.....I was never really over weight i wasnt skinny minny growing up i was always like a 10/12 growing up...after college i had some issues and I would play basketball then go home and swim then eat a meal then go for a walk and then go to bed and do it all over again...and i was down to like a 7/8 and everyone made fun of me how I hardly ever ate.... I cant do all that now...it has to be everything to get me back down to me prekids weight....I HATE HATE HATE the way I look, feel, cant breath, cant even like kneel the whole way over (in dramas) because my fat wont let me... I guess this is such a down day...i have been ready sucess story after sucess story and frustrates me that I cant get there I try and keep failing!!! sorry this is so long...thanks for listening
Dang girl! You got it rough. What about getting the family to keep the crap food out of sight in a cupboard/back of fridge?
Who does the grocery shopping? I do and I buy pretty healthy stuff; if DH wants crap food, he goes and gets it.
Buying you diet pills doesn't sound too supportive to me, IMO. Are you following a particular diet plan? Maybe we can give help with that and how to tailor it around your busy life.
If this makes you feel better, I don't have kids, but I teach pre-k. There are day when I can't keep up with them either, ha ha! Hope you feel better soon!
Well KIDDO, you do have a tough road ahead of you...with all those kids and a husband that may not be as supportive as you like...in your weight loss...or maybe doesn't quite get it just yet.
My suggestion for now would be to try and find a way to get your family all going in the same direction on this journey of yours...so what better way than to get in my 3FC Memorial Day Week-End 5K! If you don't know about it check out the following links and see how many ladies got their families involved...walking...hiking...pushing strollers...etc...
You can do this...you don't need anyone else...but by golly it sure helps! If you have any questions on the 5K please feel free to PM me ~ Gary
The first is how you feel you are unsupported by your husband. He did think of you when he went out to go get those pills. I don't actually thing that was a brilliant idea... pills and all , but the point is he thought of you, and was trying in his own way to be supportive. Maybe he just doesn't know how to be supportive. It's time to tell him what it means to you. Perhaps he thinks you have a problem with the way that you look, which is why he keeps saying he doesn't mind your weight at all, that you look good to him. So, tell him differently. Tell him "I feel unhealthy. I'm upset that I'm not able to play with the kids. This isn't about how I look, it's about how I want to be healthier." Also, as much as it pains me to say... some people cannot be supportive in the way that we need them to be. Perhaps you're expecting too much when you compare your husband to the guy that works out with his wife. And just because you ask once, doesn't mean he won't need to be reminded occassionally. So if you say "You can have your treats elsewhere... but please don't bring them into the house" and a few weeks go by and he's been good, but then brings cookies home... gently remind him again.
Second, we can lose weight and still be content with ourselves. We have to accept that the changes we make will slowly build over time. Those success stories that you've read... did it take them a month to get where they are now? No! Many of those stories started years & years before they reached goal. With many stops & starts along the way. Some stories begin with many failed "diets" before finding the one that stuck!
Honestly ... I think you're relying too much on your hubby for support in what really does have to be a very personal commitment to losing weight.
And I say that from a very personal standpoint as well. My hubby is overweight, although not hugely so. He eats junk food. He buys junk food. He'll go out at night and get Taco Bell as a snack (and bring me a taco and then not understand and get his feelings hurt when I say I don't want it). He's not doing it maliciously and he's not *trying* to be unsupportive ... he just flat out doesn't get it. He doesn't get why I want to lose weight, he doesn't get how to lose weight (because if he really wanted to lose weight, he'd stop drinking Coke for a few weeks and drop 15 lbs - the twerp! ), he doesn't get any of it. That doesn't make him a bad person or unsupportive. It just makes him ... well ... to a large degree, a guy.
And I cannot rely on him to be my motivation or more support than he's capable of being.
You need to make the commitment to YOU that you're going to lose weight. Yes, it's harder when there's junk in the house and when you have to fight the temptation - but it's doable.
A couple of things:
You need to accept that your hubby is not going to exercise with you - your life is not a movie. Neither is mine. I bought a family gym membership, thinking that if I encouraged it, hubby would come workout with me. Nope. After a year, I dropped him and I just go with a friend or by myself.
You need to plan out your snacks. If you know you're going to get the munchies at night, then you need to have a healthy snack ready in the fridge. That way you're not "hunting in the kitchen for something to munch on" and stumbling across food you shouldn't eat - you just go straight to your snack and you eat it.
If your hubby begs you to buy cookies, tell him no. Tell him that you're not going to object if he buys them and eats them, but that you're not going to buy them and bring them into the house. He's a big boy and can buy his own snacks if he wants them.
This is YOUR journey. Take control of it. You can do it.
Maybe you need to have a sit down discussion with your husband and let him know how serious you are about weight loss. Let him know this is not a "how I look" issue but a health issue. Would he be able to take care of you, the housework and kids if you became ill, had a stroke or heart attack? It's something for him to think about.
Because of my weight I have high blood pressure and other health issues. Does your family have the extra money for medications if you develop a health problem? My mom has Type 2 diabetes, and her meds. are expensive.
Your children deserve a mom who can play with them and you deserve to enjoy being with them. They will not be young forever. Now is the time to teach them good eating habits and how to avoid too much junk food.
Hey! This issue often comes up... we have another thread right now on something similar, from a younger member who lives at home.
One solution is to have a separate cupboard or at least a separate shelf in a cupboard that is "his foods." Here you put the cookies, whatever else he snacks on. You also have a cupboard or shelf that is "family food" or even "my food," where you keep foods for everyone, and food for yourself--the healthy snacks you can eat. Some members find that this helps them to not eat the cookies or other off-plan foods, and at the same time the spouse has the foods they want.
Ultimately you will learn not to eat all the cookies just because they are there. Really! You will! Right now it's hard, so you have to find ways around it. If the separate cupboards don't work, then you may have to put a moratorium on cookies in the house, as another poster suggested.
I agree with the other posters that you may be expecting too much from your husband as far as support goes. Don't let his lack of support become an excuse for why you "can't" lose weight. You're doing this on your own--life is full of temptations, and part of successful weight loss and maintenance of weight is learning to deal with that.
I can hear the frustration and pain in your words. I think you are at the end of your rope. That's good.
Yes, that's good.
Because you are close to the point where one night you will go out looking for something to eat, you will pick up the pack of cookies or whatever, and you will PUT them BACK!
I think it was Robin who so wisely said, When the pain of being obese outweighs the pain of making changes, change will happen.
We all have barriers to weight loss. Some are time or kid related. Some knowledge related. Some husband or parent or sister related. But many of us overcome barriers everyday, and you can too.
You cannot control him. You cannot make him understand. The only person who can generate changes in your life is you. If the only thing he ever does is corral the kids for 4 hours a week so you can exercise, that is more than many many of the mothers here can expect.
You have the tools and power to make this happen. You are stronger than a box of cookies. Your body will only obey what you tell it to do. You can do it, and you are the only one who can do it for you. That is the paradox of weight loss. We possess all the power to change, but we are the only ones who can change ourselves. When you are ready, no one can stop you.
I'm not sure what diet program you are following, but have you considered joining some kind of diet support program? Something like Weight Watchers, for example? I think we all want and need some kind of support system for a major life change like this. The benefit of Weight Watchers or similar program is not only the diet "plans" and suggestions, but also the support you get from the other members that are going through the very same things that you are. It's just a thought!
I can certainly relate -- we ALWAYS have junk food in our house. I have two skinny teenage boys with hollow legs and a hubby (with no weight problem) who can eat anything. If he gains 10 pounds, he can drop it in a few weeks just by cutting back on the amount of ice cream he eats at night. ARRRGH! So my answer to that was to buy my OWN "treats" to satisfy the junk food need. When they have ice cream and popcorn, I have my skinny cow ice cream treats and 100 calorie popcorn bags. I'm not deprived, I just do my own thing. I don't know if this will work for you, but it's something to try.
Hang in there though, this is certainly NOT easy!! It is a process that takes time, one day at a time.
I hear the frustration in you voice and please know that many, if not all of us, have been in your shoes (or very similar shoes) at some point.
I know how much your want your husband's support but in all honesty, this is your journey and no one can do this but you. Yes, it'd be nice to have him workout with you or eat healthier but in reality, you are the only one in control of what you put in your mouth. You are the only one who can get your body moving.
Not buying the junk food or having a separate place for it is one strategy that works great for some folks, especially in the beginning, but -- and this is just my take on things -- food is everywhere. Whether its in your pantry, locked in the basement, a 5 min ride to Wawa or a 10 min ride to the grocery store, its all around us. When I was younger I used to drive to the Wawa to pick up a pint of Ben and Jerry's mint choc cookie ice cream (of course I ate the whole thing! ) and it didn't make one bit of difference that I had to get my butt out the door and drive to get it, even if it was at 11:00 at night, even if it was pouring rain, even if . . . whatever. I guess I'm just trying to say that we all live with food surrounding us day in and day out and we have to find a way to stay on plan no matter what temptation is lurking. Is it easy? I didn't find it easy in the beginning at all. Sheer determination, and anger (at myself, at the fat, at the food, at anyone who didn't need to lose weight) got me through. And what I discovered was that after a bit, maybe a few lbs lost, maybe a little further walked on the treadmill, maybe lifting some weights without falling over, things actually got easier. Not all at once but bit by bit, slowly but surely. I get really, really angry at food that it has such a hold on me. Its just food!! Why do I let it make me into a zombie just shoving my hand from bag to mouth? I don't have the answer just that I got really fed up having food run my life and dictate my wardrobe and how I felt and what I could do, so I used that anger as a jumping off point -- again (many times I've lost then gained and yo-yo). This time is the final time.
One thing I did was to change my mindset. I often took several weeks of mentally preparing myself to do this. Thinking about it, planning it, etc. That's just me but it did seem to help. Are any of us perfect at this? lol, **** no!! We ALL stray, go off plan, veer in and out at various times and for various reasons . . . BUT -- and this is big -- we ALL get right back on plan, no matter what the slip up. Eating 6 oreos DOES NOT mean we have to fininsh the other 10 in the package. It just doesn't. It DOES NOT mean 'oh well, I blew it I may as well just gorge the rest of the day/week/month'. Nope. I've learned that slip ups happen, life happens, and to just get right back on track with the very next meal you eat. Doesn't matter that you feel like 'oh well', just acknowledge the feeling but don't give in to it. Get right back on track by just doing it.
Another thing that works for me is to set mini-goals. Sometimes teeny, tiny mini goals. I find it too overwhelming to think about the whole amount of weight I want to lose, so I set my goals at a few lbs here and a few lbs there. The big picture is there but I've put it on the back burner in my head. I focus on the next lb or two and on how far I've come; I don't dwell on how far I have to go.
Your husband may not be able to give you the support you want or need but there are TONS of folks here who can and who will. Some great advice has already been given by the other posters.
I agree with what has been said above. There are some wise women who post on this board. Sometimes I think we expect too much of our husbands--that's when girlfriends come in, for support in things like this (shopping, too in my opinion). And places like this board.
You need to point out to your husband that you want to get healthy not just for yourself but for your children and even him. The children deserve a healthy mother and need to learn a healthy way to eat. Hey, I love cookies, too but can't have them in the house. An occasional treat is OK but not everyday. I think you need to sit down with your husband and point out the health issues that obesity can cause. You could print out some articles fom the internet on the subject, diabetes, strokes and other problems to name a few. Your husband just doesn't understand this, yet. On the other hand he might be a diet saboteur.
Wow wow wow.....so much to take in...Like now I feel like I can run and not eat the junk food...but there comes times when i wont feel like that...so what do you do to keep yourself motivated at those times??? I think like a few said its good I am getting to this point..and I have been going over so much different things for weeks now about losing weight and kinda trying to plan it. I wasnt feeling so awful until we made this move and it just went down hill from there. You guys are right that I cant expect my husband to do all that it would just be nice...there are times when I will just stop eating whatever junk I was eating because it is wrong but there are other times i dont stop...thank you for all the help...i will have to go back thru and write some notes down on stuff...oh yeah someone asked what plan I am doing..Right now I am counting calories..I am leaning towards the ww...but i have been writing it all down what i eat and drink and the calories...ok thank you again!!!
but there comes times when i wont feel like that...so what do you do to keep yourself motivated at those times???
If anyone knows the secret to continuous motivation, I wish they'd tell me!
It boils down to commitment. I made a conscious commitment to sticking to plan. This includes those times that I don't want to go and walk on the treadmill. I made a promise to myself. And I sure better keep it. Especially when it's most difficult to.
There are many, many times when that 'other voice' in my head whispers at me 'nah, don't exercise today. You need a break, you've been working hard, one day skipping won't hurt' or the other voice that says 'nah, you can go ahead and eat that snickers. You 've been working hard and doing great, one candy bar won't hurt. Go ahead, eat'. Sometimes these voices get to me and yes, they win. Briefly. But the further along I go on this journey, the stronger I get. And I realized that by listening to these voices and acknowledging these voices does not mean that I have to do as these voices say! A kinda 'duh' moment for me, but I finally figured out that for me it was ok to say 'yeah, I really, really want that xx food' but then . . . I just don't go get it. I literally don't move towards it. I distract myself, I'll go to bed (lots of my voices are really loud at night! ), I'll pop a few hard candies and drink water, peeled baby carrots dipped in a bit of lite ranch dressing has been working great for that 'crunchy munchy' mode. I finally realized that its ok to listen but that absolutely does not dictate that I have to act on that acknowledgment.
The other thing is -- and rockinrobin is to thank for this one! -- is that I started mindfully eating. I started paying attention to what I was putting in my mouth. I tasted the food rather than just shoved it in. Not saying that I've completely overcome the shoving in part, it will always be there lurking for me, but that I've gotten waaay more control over it.
Two steps forward and one step backwards gets you to where you're going. Staying on plan 90% of the time gets me to where I'm going. Going off plan 10% of the time keeps me sane. You absolutely, positively CAN do this!
how 2 keep home the safe place w/ no support from family???
If you don't know about it check out the following links and see how many ladies got their families involved...walking...hiking...pushing strollers...etc...
, but the point is he thought of you, and was trying in his own way to be supportive. Maybe he just doesn't know how to be supportive. It's time to tell him what it means to you. Perhaps he thinks you have a problem with the way that you look, which is why he keeps saying he doesn't mind your weight at all, that you look good to him. So, tell him differently. Tell him "I feel unhealthy. I'm upset that I'm not able to play with the kids. This isn't about how I look, it's about how I want to be healthier." Also, as much as it pains me to say... some people cannot be supportive in the way that we need them to be. Perhaps you're expecting too much when you compare your husband to the guy that works out with his wife. And just because you ask once, doesn't mean he won't need to be reminded occassionally. So if you say "You can have your treats elsewhere... but please don't bring them into the house" and a few weeks go by and he's been good, but then brings cookies home... gently remind him again.
), he doesn't get any of it. That doesn't make him a bad person or unsupportive. It just makes him ... well ... to a large degree, a guy.
You're doing this on your own--life is full of temptations, and part of successful weight loss and maintenance of weight is learning to deal with that. 
) and it didn't make one bit of difference that I had to get my butt out the door and drive to get it, even if it was at 11:00 at night, even if it was pouring rain, even if . . . whatever. I guess I'm just trying to say that we all live with food surrounding us day in and day out and we have to find a way to stay on plan no matter what temptation is lurking. Is it easy? I didn't find it easy in the beginning at all. Sheer determination, and anger (at myself, at the fat, at the food, at anyone who didn't need to lose weight) got me through. And what I discovered was that after a bit, maybe a few lbs lost, maybe a little further walked on the treadmill, maybe lifting some weights without falling over, things actually got easier. Not all at once but bit by bit, slowly but surely. I get really, really angry at food that it has such a hold on me. Its just food!! Why do I let it make me into a zombie just shoving my hand from bag to mouth? I don't have the answer just that I got really fed up having food run my life and dictate my wardrobe and how I felt and what I could do, so I used that anger as a jumping off point -- again (many times I've lost then gained and yo-yo). This time is the final time.
Some great advice has already been given by the other posters. 
), I'll pop a few hard candies and drink water, peeled baby carrots dipped in a bit of lite ranch dressing has been working great for that 'crunchy munchy' mode. I finally realized that its ok to listen but that absolutely does not dictate that I have to act on that acknowledgment. 