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Old 04-08-2008, 02:30 PM   #1
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Angry Just need to vent...

My "former" boss had the nerve to tell me that I would be gorgeous if I lost weight. IF, IF. That's what bothers me the word IF. So since I'm not skinny I can't be gorgeous, I'd even settle for pretty. But I guess since I got junk in the trunk I'm this fat ugly chick. The nerve. IF. People stereotype so much. Me being fat doesnt mean that I'm lazy, uneducated, poor, boring, ugly, etc. It just means I weigh a little more than you. That's it. My conversation with her made me feel like I was a leper. I should be put out've society until I reach a normal BMI. Does anyone else feel this way? Where's our Martin Luther Kings of big people. We have a dream too. To be able to eat in a restaraunt and not get the stare. You know what I'm talking about. They look at you like should you really be eating that. Maybe you should just order a salad, or better yet don't eat at all. It won't hurt you to miss a few meals. For the love people. O.k. I think I'm o.k. now, I'm going to take my large gorgeous self and go eat lunch. All this venting made me hungry.Thanks ladies.(and gents)
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Old 04-08-2008, 02:37 PM   #2
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How terrible! You ARE gorgeous! No if's and's or but's about it! Ignore that backhanded "compliment". BTW, I would've said something like "And you would sound somewhat intelligent, if you could stop putting your foot in your mouth."
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Old 04-08-2008, 03:00 PM   #3
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It was a stupid comment, but don't let it get to you. Vent here, but don't eat over it. Eat what you planned to eat for lunch. No more, no less. Idiots aren't worth sabotaging ourselves over.
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Old 04-08-2008, 04:11 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Faerie View Post
"And you would sound somewhat intelligent, if you could stop putting your foot in your mouth."
I love it! Wish I'd thought of something like that. If you're gorgeous, you're gorgeous.
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Old 04-08-2008, 04:27 PM   #5
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BTDT except it was always my mom. And at the time she was saying it to me I weighed maybe 150 lbs. I'm almost 100 lbs over that # now. She said it repeatedly when I was a teenager and things like "boys would like you if you'd lose weight". I've heard it all. And it has played a big part in me not being able to lose and keep weight off because she's never been supportive. In HER mind she is, but everything she says is always negative. "Oh, you've lost 20 lbs. That's nice, I hope you plan to lose a lot more though." Thank goodness I have a wonderful DH and he finally got to the point that he couldn't stand seeing me hurt by her words anymore and he told her, politely - they still like each other LOL but I KNOW she had a hard time dealing with it at first - to back off and that he didn't ever want to hear her saying anything about my weight again. She finally has backed off and I try to keep in mind that even if she says something stupid again in the future as I'm losing weight again it's her cross to bear, not mine. It's hard to get to that point, especially when it's your mom saying these things, but I'm getting there little by little.

Just remember that great comeback from Faerie should your former boss speak up like that again
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Old 04-08-2008, 04:40 PM   #6
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My ex actually had the nerve when to tell me I looked like I could go a few days without eating when I was asking him for my child support money and had no food in the house for my daughter or myself. Oh, and if I lost maybe 50 lbs (I was probably around 160 at that time) he'd consider taking me back. Yeah right!! 19 years later he has a beer belly and balding head (once had a very full head of thick curly Italian hair) and hopefully when he comes back to NY to get married in July I will have a smokin hot bod and YES I will flaunt it in front of him. My fiance loves me for who I am so he gets the privilege of my soon to be smokin hot bod.
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Old 04-08-2008, 04:56 PM   #7
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My mother actually told me that I'd better start losing weight or my husband would leave me. Mind you, she said this within months of the wedding, and we were both fat when we met and only slightly fatter (from all the celebrations of dating and early married life) when she said this. We've always been within 30 lbs of each other (he's a lot taller, so I'm fatter but this hasn't changed since we've met). so to be honest I have no idea where her head was at when she said this.

People say stupid stuff. If it's an isolated incident, it can be forgiven and forgotten. If it's a pattern, it shows a level of hostility, arrogance, or rudeness that you have to address. If not with the person, at least with yourself, knowing that the problem is theirs, not yours.
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Old 04-08-2008, 05:15 PM   #8
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Your former boss sounds like a real turd. Some people just get off on being hurtful.
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Old 04-08-2008, 05:18 PM   #9
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We all know that society frowns upon those of us who are "well rounded". Heard'm all, actually. IF.

"You would be soooo pretty IF you would lose weight."

"IF you'd lose weight you could play that sport".

"IF you'd lose weight, you'd get more dates."

"IF you were slimmer, you could wear that dress."

"IF you weren't so fat, you would have more confidence."

"IF you'd get skinny, you'd make more money... have lots of friends... life would be so wonderful..." blahblahblahblahblah

Sure, losing weight might actually bring all those things and more. But most likely, it would just make us.... slimmer.

It's a damn shame that people can't see beauty in larger people.

And as I've said 100 times before, BODY IMAGE & SELF IMAGE are two different things. OUR WEIGHT DOES NOT DEFINE US!
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