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Old 04-04-2008, 10:44 AM   #1
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Last night I was thinking about why I'm a little freaked out about losing weight. It's because it's starting to become apparent and people are starting to notice. The next ten pounds will make a big difference on my frame and I feel a lot of anxiety about what people at work will start saying or asking me when I've lost 10 more pounds...I can't even think about being at final goal right now. I'm a private person and the thought of being cornered and questioned about my weight loss makes me nervous. Meanwhile I know some people want to hear comments and questions about their weight loss.

I don't mind coming here and talking about my weight because I still feel a sense of privacy here and I also feel like we're all fighting the same battle. But coworkers??? I've already had two comments and I know they mean well but it still makes me feel weird.

Is it weird that it makes me feel weird?
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Old 04-04-2008, 10:52 AM   #2
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You are perfectly normal.

If you're uncomfortable, there are ways of fielding questions and comments so that you close the conversation quickly and turn it to work matters.

A compliment given = "Thank you." No more. No less.

A question such as "Have you lost weight?" = "A little. Thank you."

"How much have you lost?" = "Enough." And a smile.

"How'd you do it?" = "Hard work." And another smile.

And that last answer usually ends the conversation.

You can also quickly give an answer and change the subject.

"Thank you. Can you believe those reports are due tomorrow? Oh, boy... so much work to do before then!"
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Old 04-04-2008, 10:53 AM   #3
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It's not weird at all! Everyone is different. Weight loss is a very personal journey. Of course, realize that people are going to comment whether you want them to or not. What is up to you is how you respond. Start thinking now...so you are prepared.

For me, I am ok w/ people noticing. Sometimes it's that added to boost to keep me moving. I don't need people to notice, but sometimes it's nice. What I will not do again is to tell people exactly how much I have lost (except on here). I did that last time I was losing and then well...you guessed it I stopped doing what I know I need to do and put a bunch of the weight back on. No one said anything, but of course they had to notice!

Good luck to you. Keep at it. I know you can do it!
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Old 04-04-2008, 11:01 AM   #4
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Good answers here.

Faerie's note about the subject closing down when you mention hard work ... too true ... mention calorie counting or walkin 90 minutes a day .... that'll put an end to that conversation.

There will be folks who are truly happy for you and excited for you progress. You'll be able to tell =who's who= hugging is fine.
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Old 04-04-2008, 11:05 AM   #5
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Normally I LOVE when people notice... but this time around trying to lose weight, I have been very sqeamish about the whole thing. (My husbands grandmother asked at Easter if I was losing weight, and I knee-jerk reacted with a 'no') I think b/c my attitude is very different this time around. I am more focused on how I FEEL and how HEALTHY I am being. Looking better is really just a bonus for me. And also, up until just the last week or so, I have been losing weight I have lost before yo-yoing up and down.

Anyway = enough about me, I KNOW that it is perfectly NORMAL to feel the way you do. People noticing something as personal as you losing weight and then commenting can feel like they are intruding. I think Faerie has some fantastic ideas about how to respond. (Esp. the changing the subject idea!)
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Old 04-04-2008, 11:06 AM   #6
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Comments usually make me uncomfortable, as I end up over analyzing the comments. What were their intentions by saying that? Did they say that just to be nice/make me feel better? Were they being sarcastic? etc etc etc..
It makes me nervous.
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Old 04-04-2008, 11:14 AM   #7
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Laryi ... my husband says ... "Susan, you are many wonderful things but a mindreader is not one of them."


If Jill Till says .... "That skirt is cute. You've got some nice things since you lost weight" ..... big Big chance that she means you look nice in your new clothing.
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Old 04-04-2008, 11:16 AM   #8
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Thanks Fairie for all the examples!

And thanks for the responses. I was starting to feel like there was something dark and mysterious about the way I was feeling. I mean I know it is natural to be curious about how someone lost weight but the truth is most of us know how to do it...it's the doing it that's the hard part.

It really is a very personal journey isn't it? We all have very different experiences.
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Old 04-04-2008, 11:18 AM   #9
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Oh I wonder about intentions too!! I know some people I work with do not have the nicest personalities. hrmph. That could be a whole thread on its own...people and their ulterior motives!
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Old 04-04-2008, 11:37 AM   #10
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I love it when people notice!
It is so motivating to me and it keeps me motivated when I'm tempted to "stray" from my plan.
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Old 04-04-2008, 12:04 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Faerie View Post
You are perfectly normal.

If you're uncomfortable, there are ways of fielding questions and comments so that you close the conversation quickly and turn it to work matters.

A compliment given = "Thank you." No more. No less.

A question such as "Have you lost weight?" = "A little. Thank you."

"How much have you lost?" = "Enough." And a smile.

"How'd you do it?" = "Hard work." And another smile.

And that last answer usually ends the conversation.

You can also quickly give an answer and change the subject.

"Thank you. Can you believe those reports are due tomorrow? Oh, boy... so much work to do before then!"

Love these and have used similar responses to different things (other than wt.) many times in my life. Took me a loooonnnnggggg time to realize that "No" is an answer and that I am under no obligation to provide further explanation, even though people feel they are entitled to one. Makes people fluster when I do this, but sometimes "No" is enough. The 'changing of subject' is great for a variety of uncomfortable situations, especially if you turn the subject around to the focus on the other person.

In the past I'd mostly just joke off any wt. loss because I didn't want people throwing questions at me and mostly because I don't think I ever really thought I'd keep the wt. off, and then what would they say?

When I was a teenager - geesh, 'weight' goes back quite a ways - my grandmother once asked me if I was 'watching my girlish figure'. I said 'yeah, and it's getting easier to see all the time.' End of conversation!

I'm actually looking forward to someone noticing -- just as long as they notice then move on to another subject!
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Old 04-04-2008, 12:13 PM   #12
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I'm very strange about this situation.

It totally depends on the person doing the asking. If it is someone "like" me, someone who has put on some weight after kids and is also making changes, I love the recognition and I can talk about it ad nauseum.

If it is someone I know to be athletic (ie marathoner), then I also love the recognition and will talk about it.

If it is someone younger than me who I have always known to be slim, I don't like it very much.

If it is a good longtime friend, I am happy when they notice.

If it is someone I can't really identify with and I am not very close to, it irritates me. Mainly cause I am surprised that they would even notice. Or care. And usually if I am talking to such a person, I have other things I need to be talking about.

And sometimes a certain person might bug me on one day but not another. Figure that one out!!!

And sometimes when someone asks how much I have lost, I am proud to say I have lost over 30 pounds. And sometimes right after I say that, I feel embarassed....like I "should never" have gotten so overweight to begin with.

So, you are not alone. I think many of us have different reactions to these situations and I think a simple, "Oh, thanks" will always be enough.
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Old 04-04-2008, 12:19 PM   #13
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Faerie has the best response.
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Old 04-04-2008, 12:30 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SCraver View Post
(My husbands grandmother asked at Easter if I was losing weight, and I knee-jerk reacted with a 'no') I think b/c my attitude is very different this time around. I am more focused on how I FEEL and how HEALTHY I am being. Looking better is really just a bonus for me. I think Faerie has some fantastic ideas about how to respond. (Esp. the changing the subject idea!)
I think a lot of our reactions can be different depending on our frame of mind at the time we get the comment. Just a few weeks ago someone posted a smilar question and I answered all pouty that no one had noticed. Thought I would be thrilled when someone finally did. Then it happend - coworker said "your DIET is working isn't it?". Of course, I just smiled and said "thank you for noticing" but on the inside I was all indignant and bristly thinking to myself "this is NOT a DIET! This is just the way I eat now"
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Old 04-04-2008, 12:43 PM   #15
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I have lost weight before and I felt awkward about the comments...like the person is saying yeah I noticed you were fat before..but you look great now. It's even more awkward when you've only lost like 10 lbs and people notice...like they have been closely monitoring how much you weight everytime they see you. Whenever someone would say something I would blow it off and act like it wasn't intentional (when I'd been literally working my *** off). I would say something like, yeah since last semester ended and I haven't been so stressed I've just stopped eating as much...I really haven't been doing anything. Then promptly change the subject. I'm not ashamed of dieting, I just don't want people to know. I don't want them to think I'm going off my diet if I take a day off and eat something fattening in frount of them. I really just don't like that kind of attention. I would prefer to be told I look great in general (rather than specifically mention the weight).

Even though I don't revel in them at the moment...it feels good to have someone notice.
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