Definitely can relate on this one! My mother's home based business for the past 30 years now has been her own weight loss program. She sees me not seeing results in my workouts and is always pestering me to eat different things, talk about how many calories are in each part of the meal if I'm at my parents' home for one, and is always on my *** about making sure I get my gym time or dvd time in. What she thinks to be encouraging me feels like over the top nagging. Any time I have a physical issue, such as being totally uncomfortable in heels more than 2" or extreme stiffness and pain in my right ankle (break around 10 years old that was never treated) or any other issue of the sort, she says "If you just lose the weight, you wont have these problems".
It's not just in the house either. I've actually developed almost a phobia of actually going out in public. I worry about what people that either I knew before the weight gain, or just people in general are saying or thinking about how I look. It's not as simple of just being unhappy with how I look either. I do have days where I feel great and confident and love how I look, but the fear and self-induced shame definitely win the battle. I have been turned down for jobs that I wanted badly many times and started asking myself why bother, just because of my weight. I'm a certified bartender and cannot seem to get hired anywhere, no matter how skilled or people friendly I am, simply because I "don't have the look they're looking for". One of my two younger sisters on several occasions walked into a place to inquire about a job and was hired on the spot for her looks alone, the employers didn't even care that she had no experience or training. I could walk into the same place with experience and certifications and great skill, but would come out empty handed. Unfortunately, I picked an industry where looks are apparently what matters more than a good martini or quality of service.
I found myself confining myself to the house more than is probably healthy just because of insecurity. I've even been too ashamed of my body to go to my family's summer home on Cape Cod because a neighbor stopped by last summer while I was there and made a comment on my weight. "Weren't you skinny last time I saw you? You really let yourself go, what happened?" I actually sucked it up until the guest left and burst into tears.
I look forward to the day where I can finally be happy with my looks and show off what I accomplished. "How do you like me now!?"
My "best friend" gave me a workout DVD for my birthday one year. She's quite thin and is the homecoming queen type.
Also, a co-worker asked me if I was was ready. I asked, "Ready for what?" He replied, totally serious, "Ready to have the baby?" Mind you, we had been working together an entire year.
A couple years ago when I was probably around 186 lbs, and gaining weight rapidly due to medications I was on for bi-polar disorder, my father said to me, out of nowhere while watching a movie, "So how much weight have you gained?" It wasn't so much what he said but how he said it. I shrugged, left the room, and cried. It's the only things anyone in my immediate family has said to me about my weight that hurt me. My dad usually just doesn't comment on anything related to appearance.
However, he's since made up for it. As noted, he doesn't talk to his children about their appearances (like, seriously, he did not comment or even seem to notice when I had pink hair, or when I pierced my nose), but when my mom told him last week that I wanted to get below 154.5 so I'd be in the "normal" BMI range, he said BMI was clearly flawed because I looked fantastic and didn't need to lose anymore to be "normal." He also tells me sometimes and he admires my persistence when it comes to jogging (I jog 5-6 days a week).
He's kind of weird.
Last edited by RubyGuggenheim; 07-12-2009 at 08:21 AM.
They didn't when I was 150. But now that I'm 120 it's "OMG UR TOO SKINNY!!!"
Um, I'm extremely pear shaped, with a long torso and short legs to boot. I've ALWAYS been small on top, and unfortunately at a more ideal BMI, I look very (though not anorexic-level) thin on top, even if I look "vaguely chubby" from below the waist.
Location: Between where I came from and where I'm going
Posts: 42
Yeah, I get those comments all the time...
But in a way, I'm glad I do because I think they gave me the final extra boot to try harder and prove them wrong. I love proving people wrong!
I'm not sure how old I was one of the few times my dad got after me, maybe 13 or so. I was reaching into a bag of snacks, probably cookies or donuts, when he yelled at me to start watching what I ate because I was getting way too fat. That was around the time I'd become asthmatic and was just starting to get chunky. I'm sure he meant well but jeez, did that hurt. It still sticks with me.
I was working really hard to lose weight as a late teen, dropping from a size 22 to a size 14. My mom was telling my dad about how proud she was of me, yet he loudly replied that I didn't look any smaller. The weight crept back on me the following year.
I think the people in this forum are so brave. To go through what most of us go through pyshically and emotionally, and still march on takes alot of courage.
I think it's important to take a step back once in a while and reflect on life, and be grateful that we have a body, focus on the good things we did for that day rather than the bad.
I was out shopping with my mum when I was about 18, after being out of home for a year and piling on a heap of weight. I was really upset because I could only fit into the 16s (I think 12/14 US), and she said to me - you might as well get used to it, you'll never be able to wear really cute or fashionable clothes.
I wasn't that big! I'm sure she was trying to say - just be happy with yourself, no matter how you look - but it didn't come out that way. So I rebelled, not by losing weight, but by becoming obsessed with clothes.
My grandma says, everytime she sees me - "you're a big girl, aren't you Megan!" Like she's taken by surprise every time.
My heart goes out to all who have posted in this thread... I feel chocked up...most of the comments were so cruel... I take my hat off to you all, and know that you guys will acieve your weight loss goals as will I mine, god bless
I wonder if these rude people actually realize the affect their cruels words have on us?... perhaps our reaction to the comments makes them think we are o.k with them? or maybe they just don't think
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Now my mother knows I am trying to eat healthy&exercising. I still have alot to go I know. So when I saw her yesterday, she said you are still watching. When I said yes. She said you look like you lost a alb or two. But your stomach is still hanging out!I had on jeans& a long top.It wasn't like I had a tank top on.I decided i will never tell her anything about my diet again.
I wonder if these rude people actually realize the affect their cruels words have on us?... perhaps our reaction to the comments makes them think we are o.k with them? or maybe they just don't think
I think sometimes we do lead people to think we don't care.
And sometimes people have never been taught manners and kindness and it hasn't occurred to them they shouldn't talk like that.
And I think usually, it's just that people's need to bolster themselves up somehow by talking like that, outweighs their ability to be kind and respectful.
New Comment
Now my mother knows I am trying to eat healthy&exercising. I still have alot to go I know. So when I saw her yesterday, she said you are still watching. When I said yes. She said you look like you lost a alb or two. But your stomach is still hanging out!I had on jeans& a long top.It wasn't like I had a tank top on.I decided i will never tell her anything about my diet again.
Okay. That is the point at which I would never speak to my mother again. I am so sorry that this was said to you!
My dad has on several occassions, but the most hurtful thing was this:
Last year, they had this "create your own Simpsons" character application online. You choose everything from facial features to body type, to outfit, etc.
My half brother, who I do not have a relationship with because he's a jerk, made a collage of "Simpsons" characters that represented our family. Everyone had a cute little character but me. My character was fat.
My dad had printed the collage and put it on his refrigerator, along with all of the family pics he has. I went to visit him and saw it, and asked why I was the fat Simpson. He said that i wasn't. Oh, I so was. I asked him why my half brother had to make me the only fat one, and he kept saying that my brother didn't make it, he did (trying to protect my half brother) and that if the shoe fits.......but he didn't see the character as "fat". I'm 35 years old, and that conversation STILL bothers me.
I had on jeans& a long top.It wasn't like I had a tank top on.I decided i will never tell her anything about my diet again.
I am so sorry that this was said to you!
