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*Sigh* Advice needed, please

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Old 03-28-2008, 05:32 PM   #1
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Unhappy *Sigh* Advice needed, please

I should preface this by saying that I'm normally a very positive person. To my detriment, I'm also a people pleaser, and I care waaaaaay too much about what others think of me. I'm working on it, but it's not easy - my legs go to jelly at the thought of too much conflict.

That said, I've been thrown for a loop this afternoon. It's a long, complicated and messy story, but suffice it to say that a family member has made it very obvious today that, not only do they wish to have nothing more to do with me, and they know that I'm always going to fail at this, blah blah blah. Without going into detail, I can say with utter honesty that this is NOT my fault. There are other parties involved and this is a result of lies and embellishments on the part of another person. It is, however, well beyond my control now as I've done all I can (more than that, if it were possible) to set things right.

I'm more angry and hurt that as someone who works very hard to always be there for others, that I'm being tossed away so easily. I'm not really lamenting the loss of a relationship - what would be the point? Such is life, I guess, and I have far too many other loving people in my life to lose much sleep over it.

However - it's gotten under my skin in regards to my weight. I know I should be feeling fired up and ready to "show 'em!!" , but instead I just feel agitated, doubtful and defeated. Maybe it's the fallout from the whole situation, I don't know...... What I DO know is that I don't want to feel like this, but feel like I don't have the perspective right now to see my way back to the path I was on just this very morning. I haven't wanted to eat - I've lost my appetite, actually - but I'm not feeling very strong or sure, either.

I don't even know what I expect to happen from posting this here - all I know is I had to get some of what I'm feeling out before my head pops clean off! If anyone has anything they can add that might help me find my footing again, more the better.

I hate when good days just all of a sudden go bad.
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Old 03-28-2008, 05:39 PM   #2
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sorry that happened. stuff with family can get ugly rather quickly can't it? and for some reason family remarks sting worse than friends' remarks. least in my opinion they do.

that being said...

don't let it get ya down or derail ya. only you get to decide if you fail at this...nobody else gets that privilege. just you. remember that.

and if all else fails...tomorrow is a new day. and with each passing day this one will seem less crappy. hang in there.
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Old 03-28-2008, 05:43 PM   #3
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"I hate when good days just all of a sudden go bad." you can say that again!
know where you are coming from actually had the same thing happen to me, i think what bothered me the most is the rejection thing, i don't like it, lol, nothing more or nothing less. i'm not very religious at all, but there is a prayer that does get me through.

"god grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference"

the problem probably doesnt even have anything to do with you (even though, your the one that got clubbed over the head, so to speak) this is probably something that the other party has to "fix" in their lives. at least that is the situation in my case.

good luck, and try not to let this sabotage you
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Old 03-28-2008, 05:55 PM   #4
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I'm so sorry that this has you feeling this way. We cannot change how we feel about things. We can change how we react to them. There is no "should" when it comes to emotions. We feel the way we feel. So, don't start getting down on yourself due to that.

I can tell you that when I'm upset I like to exercise. Working out my emotions, or even just forgetting them for a few while I focus on how far & how fast I can walk helps.

I realize you feel down at the moment. But you're not going to let that stop you. Even if it just means going through the motions for today or the next couple of days, you can do that. And when you start to feel better given some time, you'll at least be content knowing that you came out at the other end doing some healthy things for yourself.
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Old 03-28-2008, 06:37 PM   #5
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I'm sorry, honey. Reading your post reminded me of something simmilar in my life, and I know how family criticism can sting. However, don't let anyone's remarks take anything away from what you know about yourself. If you felt confident about your weight-loss goals this morning, no matter what others say, you should stick to your own true feelings about your life. We at 3FC are confident in you, and we want you to succeed! From my experience, as time will pass, you will remember your self-confidence. I hope you feel better sooner than later about this. I know you are worried about what others think, but don't forget what YOU think: You can do this!!!
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Old 03-28-2008, 07:38 PM   #6
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I'm so sorry -- the people who are close to you can really hurt you, I know. Remember all the people in your life who DO love and support you, and most of all keep faith in yourself -- you are smart, and you are motivated, and you CAN reach your healthy goals. Take care of yourself, and stay in touch.
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Old 03-28-2008, 07:46 PM   #7
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This person is trying to make you fail. They know how to hurt you, how to knock the legs out from under you. Stay out of their line of fire, and focus on yourself and your own challenges! It's not about revenge, and it's not about their being wrong or right--it's about you getting to decide what's important to you.

Give yourself some time to let your feelings simmer down. Take a walk or do some other kind of physical activity--that often helps. A soak in a tub or a long shower is also really good--or swimming! And then, when you feel a little better, make sure you stay on your plan.

Hang in there!

Jay
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Old 03-28-2008, 08:51 PM   #8
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They are playing dirty! Hang in there and dig-in--not to "show them," but to "show you!" Eventually you will get to a place where you may still mourn the relationship, but not doubt your strength or resilience.
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Old 03-28-2008, 10:44 PM   #9
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Wink You show um!

I am so sorry that happened. Being let down by a family member hurts. Family is supposed to always be there. I like your show um attitude. It is easy to get discouraged though. Try to focus on the people in your life that are supportive to you.


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Old 03-28-2008, 11:52 PM   #10
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Sorcha33, I'm so sorry. I really sucks when family doesn't support you.

Treat yourself to something that makes you feel good. Watch your favorite movie, get a pedicure, spend time with the people who love & support you. Just focus on the positve & it will help rebuild your confidence.

It's been a long, bad week at work and I got a "prayer" from a friend of mine that totally made me laugh so hard I thought I might wet my pants...yes, I'm somewhat delirious & have a sort of sick sense of humor....

The Friendship Prayer: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.... Amen.
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Old 03-29-2008, 05:49 AM   #11
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Been there and done that, and you know what? Who needs that kind of person in their life anyway? Is this someone that once you become thin and start feeling better about yourself, and knowing what you know about this person NOW, would you turn to them for help? Heck, no! With family or friends like that, who needs enemies?

My heart goes out to you, hun. Don't let ignorant fools like this dictate your healthy journey to a more healthier, happier you. Once you get there, this person will still be a miserable "B" while you'll be successful in many areas in your life. Hang in there!
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Old 03-29-2008, 11:57 AM   #12
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Thanks, you guys

You're all right, and your words have helped a lot. I spent ages talking with DH last night, and we came to a lot of the same conclusions - this is beyond my control, wasn't initiated by me, but is likely (as hard as it seems to say) a positive move for me. I just don't have the time or energy for toxic relationships, you know? I can't control what this other person has done or said, but I can control where I go from here.

Steelslady - it's funny. It dawned on me at one point yesterday that, even if I were to lose my house, be unemployed, and in the worst downward spiral of my life, this person is someone I would never approach or even think of approaching for help. Even if what happened yesterday DIDN'T happen. That woke me up a lot!

I love the "prayer" - thanks for the laugh!

It's amazing what a cry, a rant, a little brandy and some sleep will do. Together with your kind words, I'm feeling a lot better today.
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