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Old 03-11-2008, 01:33 PM   #1
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Unhappy Comparing myself to others...

Back in high school I had this friend (let's call her Sarah). She and I were very close, and we were both somewhat slender back then, but she always had a bit of a tummy, and my thighs were a little thick. We had a falling out at the end of high school, and a few years later I was at the end of college, and she was married and had a beauiful baby. I had dinner with her family, and while I had gotten bigger over college, she looked incredible, even after having a baby! Her tummy was completely flat, great legs, the whole package. I was embarassed just to be there. The though of this has been haunting me lately, since it is even a few years since that, and I'm only about 10 lbs down from that weight, and 30 lbs from my goal. Sarah and I talked that night at dinner, and she said it was pretty easy to lose, since she was a housewife at the time and had time to exercise every day, but no matter if I'm in school, at work, a housewife, whatever, it is still difficult and tremendous for every woman to lose weight and get in shape. I keep thinking today, if she could do it, why am I still struggling, why am I not succeeding? My 25th birthday is comming up, and every year on my birthday, I wake up and wish I had lost the weight. If I could be down 10 more lbs in 2 months I would be thrilled. Just wondering if anyone else out there compares themselves to people on the street, or people from their pasts? I know I need to be my own woman and just own what I am doing, but I do get a little bit down thinking about Sarah's success. Anyone have an opinion? It's nice to hear from you guys out there;!
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Old 03-11-2008, 01:48 PM   #2
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Comparing is, in my opinion, COMPLETELY destructive, not only to yourself, but to the relationships you have with the people you are comparing to.

I am sort of on the other side of this...my partner and I lost weight together. Well, I lost faster and hit goal sooner. Now, she'd lost 100 lbs and dropped from a size 22 to a size 12...but she felt like a failure. What's more, since she saw me as the reason she felt like a failure, she started resenting my success. And it was very destructive and led to lots of fights.

You've lost 17 lbs. For someone who started at your weight and height, that is an incredible success. Don't cheat yourself out of celebrating that success by comparing yourself to someone who has completely different circumstances than you have, probably even in things you have no control over (like metabolism or propensity to build muscle...both at least partially genetic, both with a big influence on the rate at which you've lost weight).

On your birthday, why not wake up and say "Wow! I've lost 17 lbs since my last birthday! Awesome!"

Celebrate what YOU have done, and what your friend has done also. Her being at goal doesn't devalue your success in any way, shape, or form.
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Old 03-11-2008, 01:54 PM   #3
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I agree, it is not useful to compare yourself to others. Each of us has our own challenges and we have to deal with them, no one else.
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Old 03-11-2008, 01:57 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by audreymonroe View Post
Sarah and I talked that night at dinner, and she said it was pretty easy to lose. . . . . I keep thinking today, if she could do it, why am I still struggling, why am I not succeeding?
I don't know of anyone who thinks that losing wt is easy. It may come off quicker when you're younger and eat right and exercise, but easy? Nah, I think she was just funnin you. As far as 'if she could do it why am I still struggling?' -- don't worry about Sarah. You are you and (she is is she) and YOU are not her. Everyday we have to make choices about what we eat and how we move. Some days are better than others. But if you do nothing things will either remain the same or get worse. But if you take one step then another then another, I can tell you that it does get to be more of a habit rather than a 'diet'. Hmm, maybe that's what Sarah meant by 'easy'.

You have to change your mentality and be in this for the looong haul. I'm tellin' ya, my whole mindset was always, always 'I'll lose the wt then I can eat however and whatever I want'. Wanna know how that worked out for me? Well, here I am - - yet again.

Planning is imperative to being successful at this; you simply cannot 'wing' losing wt. Sarah was successful because she did what worked for her. Find what works for you -- and it takes lots of trial and error sometimes -- and have at it. Tweak things along the way. Browse around here; tons of information, tons of support and people who know exactly how you feel.
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Old 03-11-2008, 02:13 PM   #5
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The grass is always greener, right?

Sure I get jealous of other people's success, but I know they've worked hard for that success. My brother, for instance, is losing weight while I am. He's lost just as much as me in a lot less time. I know part of that is that he's a guy so he has an easier time, but I see what he's doing. He works out, watches what he eats, he's doing everything that I am. I love my brother way too much to let a tiny bit of jealousy get in the way of being SUPER PROUD of him for every pound he's down. He'll get to goal waaaaaaayyyyy before I do (he has less to lose... again... he's a guy...) but I'll be so super excited for him. It might even be a little inspiration for me down the road.

But to let that comparison rule what I do and what I need to change? Very destructive. As stated before, for both the relationship & my mental health.

As for Sarah claiming that losing weight was easy... well... if it were easy I doubt 3FC would exist still. Who knows? Maybe she did have an easier time, being that she could devote much of her time to eating wisely & exercising. Now, I'm a busy woman, I've got crap to get done. So doing all the crap I need to do WHILE losing weight? I'm practically a super hero.

And how in the world is losing 17 lbs NOT successful??? Every pound, every drop of sweat, every "no" to a piece of cake, every STEP is a success.

Life isn't fair. That's why comparisons never will be either.
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Old 03-11-2008, 03:32 PM   #6
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Thanks so much for the frankness, and the inspiration you guys. I guess I did need a little jolt of reality. I'm sure it wasn't easy for Sarah, but I am so longing to get into the size I feel comfortable with. I will remind myself of my success so far, and stop worrying about what anyone else is doing or has done. Im going to eat right and exercise today, and keep living days like that over and over, and soon enough, it'll come off. Thanks again!
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Old 03-11-2008, 03:45 PM   #7
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On your birthday, why not wake up and say "Wow! I've lost 17 lbs since my last birthday! Awesome!"


Wow - oh wow. What a great way to look at it. I'm using that one this year!

(sorry - I don't know how to copy quotes...)
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Old 03-12-2008, 08:53 AM   #8
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If it helps at all.. I'm very jealous of your 17 lb. weight loss! Way to go! Right now it feels like just getting to that first 5 lbs was a huge struggle for me!
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Old 03-12-2008, 11:21 AM   #9
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Audrey, you're doing great so far so hang in there tough! Be proud of yourself - I am proud of you and I don't even know you.

Anyway, it's human nature to do what you do. I do it too. But then I snap out of it and get back on track. It's not easy, sometimes I cry a bit. You have lost a LOT of weight - more than ME so that's GOOD!!

Keep it up girl and remember that YOU are the most important person.
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Old 03-12-2008, 01:58 PM   #10
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Oh my gosh, you ladies are incredible. I have lost 17 lbs. My highest weight was 4 years ago, and Ive yo-yoed, but I'm really starting to make some major lifestyle changes. Thank you all so, so much for the support. I'm really going to keep focusing on me and my goals now. I really genuinely feel better. <Sigh> I love this website!
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Old 03-12-2008, 04:24 PM   #11
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Hey... if it helps... my mom was a housewife and the LAST thing she would EVER say was "losing weight is easy".

She also certainly would never say "I had all this extra time to do ANYTHING because I was a housewife." My mom had four kids and would say all the TIME how she would have worked less if she had a "job" than she did as a "housewife"

Maybe you're friend is just lucky all around!

I think if you polled the average american, 75% would say dieting is NOT EASY.
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Old 03-12-2008, 04:41 PM   #12
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I used to compare myself to others all the time. Then I came to the realization that if I were going to compare myself to them physically, I should be equally comparing myself to them in other ways. I look at it this way... everyone has problems and insecurities. I may be bigger than them, but I'm smart, kind, a successful entrepreneur, and I know when people love being around me for who I am instead of how I look. Reminding myself of that really helps, and I can't remember the last time I felt inclined to compare myself to someone... the next time you do, instead of thinking "why can't I be like that person," ask yourself "how might that person wish they were more like me?"
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Old 03-13-2008, 07:10 PM   #13
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Wow...this hit home for me. I'm in college and I am surrounded by (mostly) thin young women. It's bad enough that I am old, but fat too? Not fun. I am constantly looking at other women at school and thinking, "Her leg is the size of my arm" or such stuff. And I have thin friends, too. I remember a particularly stinging incident when I was shopping for lingerie for my wedding night with one of my closest friends who is very small. She wanted to pop into Victoria's Secret to get something and I felt so stupid, there was nothing in there for me and I just had to twiddle my thumbs waiting for her. I watched as she picked out things that I would love to be able to wear. I ended up with a not-so-sexy piece of lingerie from Lane Bryant. I felt so awful. All I could think about was how she was skinny and I was fat and it was just so unfair. I agree with the others, it's very destructive. And it is a waste of time: we could be using that time to put positive messages into our heads.
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