OK, hi girls!
I've been the absentee poster for a while... started in the 120s, dropped to the 180s, back to the high 120s and on my way back down again.... Moved twice, 4 different job contracts, the loss of a dead-weight boyfriend and the gain of an amazing one.
I feel different... This time, focusing on weight loss feels... different. Is this the sudden ah-ha moment people talk about? Suddenly I don't have a question of "if this is the time its going to work?". I'm not looking at the future and thinking that the main reason I want my weight loss to be the hottest girl at the bar. (heh, i've even stopped drinking!)
This time I'm focusing on how BADLY my back hurt when my weight went back up when it was just "normal" before. How much my self esteem dropped when my weight went back up. When I had a glimmer of "normalcy" and then let it go away - i was able to see the difference a lot more. I'm paying much more attention to my health - not short term so much as *long term*. My wonderful boyfriend and I are both taking this weight loss journey together. He has a goal of 35lbs... heh, considerably less than me, but still. Having his encouragement makes a massive difference. The fact that I cook for him is helping a lot. It's a lot harder to make sneaky runs to fast food joints when you have someone living with you who is working to attain the same thing and will hold you accountable! I've started to get that thought of children in the future. not right now, but definitely in the next few years. how will my weight effect my ability to conceive? the ease of the pregnancy? the health of the baby? do i really want to embark on that stage of my life having never worn a swimming suit in my adult life?!
all of these things running through my head, my mind is made up in a way i didnt expect to be possible.
i'm doing it this time. i'm officially done being the fat girl and i'm going to be the woman i know i can be - living up to the me that i already have inside.