I feel like I have been ranting a lot lately... So here's another one
So I have an issue with this whole "life story" thing I'm having to go through lately...
When I did Weight Watchers the first time, I did SO well, and I felt completely unstoppable! I didn't feel ashamed of the fact that I decided to eat healthier than my boyfriend's friends (when they ate fondue, they set out a bowl of carrots for me with a sticky-note "Carrots - 0pts
"!!) I was proud to say to my family that I was losing weight, and I told my dancer's parents what my "big weight loss secret" was once they started to notice how thin I was getting!
The only thing that made me feel icky about losing weight was the fact that I do teach impressionable little girls Irish Dance, and I'm absolutely terrified of turning into one of "Those Dance Teachers" that call students fat, or that insists on their students staying rail thin in order to be any good at their craft! (or at least, by being thin, appearing as one of those teachers, even though I would NEVER say that).
And I think what my previous Weight Watchers experience has turned into is "I lost 35 pounds once", and it's really put me into a funk knowing that I had gained that back plus some.... (though I'm skinnier now than I was when I started last time
So something happened this week where I had the chance to start talking to a gal that makes custom Irish Dance Solo Dresses. And this would be my FIRST Solo Dress! I've been dreaming of getting one since I was 12, so this is a HUGE deal for me to finally have the funds to do this! (they're anywhere from $1500-$3000 typically..) I'm pretty sure this is more important to me than a wedding dress... lol
I wrote the gal an email saying that I would LOVE to get a dress made by her, and in the email I told her about my current weight loss (with no "I did this once before" crutch), how I've lost about 13 pounds since 12/31/07, and how I'm hoping to lose 40-50 total by sometime in September (or close to.. you know, whatever
). And I felt SO awkward telling her all of this!!!!! But she deserves to know! If I'm reluctant to give her measurements because they keep changing, and she doesn't know why--- that would probably make her really uncomfortable during this process that's supposed to be SO cool!
And the issue is really that I'm telling a LOT of people without them really asking, because I feel like it's ~vital~ for them to know... Like I told my Dance Company's leader because we need to be prepared to make me a new dress for St. Patrick's Day.... And I told my Brother's Fiancee because I'm going to be a maid, and her mom is custom making the dresses, and I didn't want to show up in Texas not being able to fit into a dress, and ruin her wedding!!! ....
I just feel so EXPOSED!!!!! And "more accountable"????? I don't know. I sort of feel like if I fail now, everyone's going to say "but what happened to 50 by September?", or something.... Ugh.
I'm not going to stop being on plan, I'm not doing this for any of them--I'm doing it for me and my poor joints!!! But I don't like feeling like I'm under a microscope....
It's almost like I've come out of the "diet closet" without being ready... If that makes sense!!!
I just feel so UGH!!! Help?? (Although I don't really know what I'm asking for, whether it's condolences, or relatable stories...???) Anything would help at this point!!
Thank you, everyone!!! For always being here to support!!!
10% by St. Patrick's Day! I want to fit into my Dress!! Aiee!!!