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Really Struggling all around!

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Old 01-03-2008, 08:33 PM   #1
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Default Really Struggling all around!

Well I began my journey again prior to christmas which was a mistake because we traveled home for the holidays and every time I travel away I go off routine and completely fail. I think I should quit traveling till I get this under control.

Then we came home and for the past 3 days prior to today I have done nothing but binge on pure junk food - accompanied with my husband who doesn't really have a big weight problem like I do.

Today I ate pretty well - and I got my butt to the gym. I usually can manage to go and do my workout and not really care what others might be thinking but whoaaa after not being there for 2 weeks and feeling like I had put on major weight in that time - I felt like everyone was looking at me thinking "god help me if i ever look like that".

And I just had to call and place my order for my bridesmaid dress for my sisters wedding in June. I ordered the dress too small - I always do and I always lose the weight - and I always put it back on after.

I guess all around I'm feeling pretty lousy.

I have been begging my husband to help me - to go to the gym with me, eat healthier foods with me, really be there to give me the push that I so desperately need and I find myself getting angry that he always says he will and then doesn't when in all reality he is too busy working and going to school to have to worry about helping me lose weight.

I know I have to do it for myself...no-one can do it for me....just wish I knew someone that has similar goals as me and to go work out with.

Sigh - thanks for letting me get it out.
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Old 01-03-2008, 08:44 PM   #2
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Kari - you are right to realize that no one, including your husband, can do this for you, or make you do it. It ultimately has to come from within you.

I can almost guarantee, particularly given the time of year, that no one at the gym was thinking that they didn't want to be you. People focus on themselves, and their own goals, while at the gym. I used to believe people were staring at me too, but I can honestly say that the one or two times a heavier woman has caught my eye at the gym now that I am smaller, I am so PROUD of her I could burst. And usually I don't even notice people at all.

Is there any way to change the size on that dress? Hear me out on this one. There is a famous quote (attributed to either Einstein or Benjamin Frankin) that reads "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result". I'm guessing that what happens is, when you order a dress you HAVE to fit in too small, you have to be pretty strict and extreme to get it to fit on time. So when the event is over, you've motivated yourself to be so strict purely because you HAVE to fit in the dress...once that motivation is gone, you have no drive to be overly strict, and go back to your old ways. Unfortunately, "because I have to" can make people do things for a little while, but it usually doesn't make people change -habits-, crucial for long-term weight loss success. So order the dress the size you are NOW, if you can change it...you'll have less "I have to be X size by X date" pressure, and can focus on changing your habits, not just getting through until the wedding. And you'll feel awesome when you have to get the dress taken in!

Have you considered asking your gym if they know people who want exercise buddies? They might let you put a sign up in the Women's locker room. It'd be good business for them, considering it is New Years resolution season, and I bet you'd find some takers!
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Old 01-03-2008, 09:30 PM   #3
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I SO know what you are feeling re: people in the gym but I've got to tell you, I'm with Mandalinn on this one....people are really only into themselves. If they are looking, it's only to distract themselves while they are plodding along on their own exercise path. Plus, I have found that regular gym goers really ARE supportive and not near as judgemental as I thought they were. Occassionally I've had people come up to me over the last couple months (people I don't know) and give me encouragement and support on how well I'm doing. Although I really hate the idea that they have SEEN me (I'm the fattest one in the gym right now), there is also a part of me that is very grateful for someone else recognizing how hard I'm working and how difficult it is to develop new habits.

This is a great site to come to for support and I've also found that there are some fabulous blogs that I try to keep up with. It truly does help to keep yourself surrounded with people (even cyber people!) that are walking the same path.

Good luck and don't give up.
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Old 01-03-2008, 09:42 PM   #4
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i think alot of thse "stares" at the gymyou are seeing are all imaginary. Trust me...everyone is there for one main reason (well at least 95%). Today in fact i saw a girl at my same weight running...and running hard...and i have to admit i was staring a bit...but for a good reason...she was kicking butt in her workout big time...i was telling myself that she is my same size and look at that girl go. So yes i was staring....but for a good reason..i needed the motivation. I also went up to her afterwards and tell her how impressed i was at how hard she was working out and that it gave me motivation to work just as hard. So just focus on yourself when at the gym. I just put my headphones on and go to town.

As for you BF not helping..well really this is your battle..not his. Only you can take control of your life. You can decide what you do or do not put in your mouth. there are things you can ask him to do..for example, i told my dh not to give me a hard time when i turn down dessert..at first he didn't understand...but now he realized why and won't banter me if i say no. He always asks (since hes a loving hubby and loves me no matter what weight) but if i say no...he doesn't ask again.

and i agree with mandalinn - check to see if you can change the dress size. Long term weight loss isn't about extremes (dieting/exercise). Its about learning the small baby steps that will make a lifetime of changes to help keep the weight off.

And then remember this...we've all been in your shoes..most of us are still loosing wt (and other learning maintaining) we all have been there. We have to start one day at a time, take it day by day, week by week. also remember the weight didn't come on overnight...and it won't go off overnight (and stay off that is).

Good luck!!! breath...and just remember you ultimately control your weight loss..not anyone else. I would highly recommend looking at some of the wt loss success stories on this forum...they are some great motivations!!!
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Old 01-04-2008, 12:45 PM   #5
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Default Thanks!

Thanks girls for all your responses, encouragement, suggestions.

My husband tells me all the time the same thing - people are at the gym to do their own thing. And who knows - they could have at one point been starting where you are. I normally can overcome that but it was just soo hard last night.

I try not to stare at people either - I normally put my headphones on and just try to block out everyone else. But there have been a couple times when there were girls there the same size as me - and they were running - like not just jogging but running. And I soo wanted to go up to them and say "wow - watching you run like that really inspires me" because I think - holy crap if they can do it I really must be able to as well. One day I almost did go up to the girl but then I was afraid of it offending her.

The dress is ordered. I normally wear a size 20 and I ordered a size 20 dress. To fit the dress in the next 6 months I need to lose....

Bust = .5inch
Waist = 4.5 inches
Hips = 5.5 inches (though it's A line so this won't really matter)

I completely understand what you are saying about not doing this but in some weird twisted way it motivates me to work harder. I wont go to extreme measures doing some crazy diet or pills or anything like that - just clean eating and exercise. Only this time I am going to use variety in my meals so that I don't get bored and tempted to revert back to my old ways.

I am visiting my Dr. Jan. 10th for my yearly and to discuss my weight, ttc plans, and overall health. I wanna get the ok from her that I'm healthy to try and start running. I downloaded the c25k podcasts and will attempt them. Then I was thinking maybe once I got started - maybe I could join a running group or something.

I know what it means to do it for yourself. It was a year December 17th since I had quit smoking. I was a smoker for 8 years and had attempted to quit several times. I never imagined I would be a success however I still kept trying. I did it and most importantly I did it for myself and my health and my happiness.

I just keep telling myself my weight loss journey is somewhat of the same. I have struggled with this a lot longer...have been overweight a good 15 years and the weight has continued to add on. Even though I have attempted to reach my goals several times with no success - I will keep trying. One of these times I will make it.

I will make it because I want it badly - more than anything in my life right now - and because even though I have continued to fail - I still have faith that I can do this!!!!

Sorry this is soo long but really Thank you everyone!

oh yes - I read the success stores quite often. Like when I dont feel like going to the gym - I take a look at a few stories and that inspires me to go!!!
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Old 01-04-2008, 12:54 PM   #6
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I have the same fear often that people are staring at me, but then I have to remind myself - even if they are staring, what do I care?? Hopefully they're staring because they're happy for me that I'm working my way to a better lifestyle. Occasionally you even grab a smile from some people I dealt with this last night in a cardio kickboxing class.. I live in LA and I swear everybody else there was about 1/2 my size. I kept up though, and tried not to think that everybody was staring at me. At the end , I decided - "You know what? I'm here too, and who cares if I am bigger than everybody here - I"M HERE and I KEPT UP and I'm COMING BACK!" . That's the way you have to think about it. PS I'm sure anybody that stares at you is just wishing they had your hair, because that's what I did
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Old 01-04-2008, 01:48 PM   #7
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I was mocked regularly in gym class as a kid, so a big obstacle for me was the fear other gym goers were going to laugh, mock me. They only laughed once & that was because I was doing free weights under a tv showing a Seinfeld episode. They weren't laughing at me, they were laughing at Seinfeld. As I've begun to get more comfortable/start making eye contact/speaking with other gym goers, I find they're an incredibly supportive group. There's a group of women who go at the same time as me & we end up getting dressed for work around the same time (we go in the am before work) If they don't see me for a few days, they'll ask where I've been. In a nice friendly way, but it's motivation to go when I don't feel like it.

Maybe you can try reaching out to your fellow gym goers? As for travelling, even if the food doesn't stay on plan, some comfy sneakers, clothes & music means you can walk anywhere you go. So even if you indulge foodwise, you can stay somewhat on track exercise wise.

Anyways, don't beat yourself up. You're back on track & that's what counts.
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Old 01-04-2008, 02:04 PM   #8
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Kari, that's a great plan you've got going there. Clean eating, and exercising.

Good thing you found those C25K podcasts, as a graduate of the program (made my own diploma) my only wish was that I started it sooner. Those podcasts made it easier for me, I didn't have to take a watch. BTW, when he says "Ready" he really means "GO!", my first time I just kept on walking waiting for the "go!"

Good luck and keep us updated.
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Old 01-04-2008, 02:08 PM   #9
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I think the gym you choose makes a big difference, too. There are some "hardbodies" gyms out there, populated by hardcore lifters, bodybuilders, and fitness competitors, where a person who was significantly overweight probably would be a little out of his or her element. The ugly truth is, there might well be some snickering. Then again, there are loads of gyms that are more welcoming and encouraging. You just have to choose the one that fits your needs.

I know when I've been at gyms before, my thoughts when I've seen a signficantly heavier person working out have been "Good on her for getting out here and doing it, it must be intimidating". I think most people are silently cheering you on. Even if it's tough, getting to the gym and "just doing it" garners a lot more respect (especially from yourself, and that's what matters the most!) than hiding at home and not getting any exercise!
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Old 01-04-2008, 02:42 PM   #10
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after i'd been going to the gym for awhile, i 'outgrew' the weights in the women's section - i could easily lift more. sooo, needing the challenge, i started to lift in the men's section - all that clanging and grunting and stuff, and don't forget all that posing and flexing in the mirrors!!!!.

just about all of them were absolute gentlemen! they'd stop swearing. they helped me not break a nail when i was switching out grips overhead. a couple of them became lifting buddies - and here i am, this still-overweight, middle aged bat, old enough to be the MOTHER of some of them!! [although, maybe seeing me lift fairly heavy scared them a bit!!!!]

anyway, all this rambling to suggest that you'll find good people and allies there. not everyone will be your buddy, but you'll get to know people at all stages, and, since you're all there for the same reason, there's a lot of encouragement from people you'd never expect!
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Old 01-04-2008, 02:46 PM   #11
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and one more point. you mentioned that you saw a couple of people who inspired you. keep your eyes open - you'll see more!

there was one woman at my gym who is my hero. she's paralzyed from the waist down, and gets around by kneeling on a beat-up skateboard and pushing herself with her hands. to get to the area of the gym she wants, she has to climb a flight of stairs. literally crawling up one step at a time, dragging this skateboard behind her.

she goes down the hall to the cardio equipment, puts her knees into the nordic track ski machine, reaches up to the handles, and goes to town. and then crawls downstairs, changes into a swimsuit, and does laps. a couple of miles of laps.

feel inspired??? i'm ALWAYS in awe of her.
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Start your day with a smile, and get it over with.
Keeping it off is a hundred decisions a day that help you maintain what you achieved. And that's the hard part. - L Sanders

start: 506 [Sept 2001]
weight at gastric bypass [Jan 29, 2002]: 409
current weight: 225
weight for plastic surgery: 200
final goal: 180

Posts by members, moderators and admins are not medical advice. See your physician before taking advice found on the internet.
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Old 01-05-2008, 08:13 AM   #12
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Ditto to everything that's been said about people staring at the gym. I've been a regular gym-goer for about 4 years now, at 6 different gyms, and I've never seen anyone taunted, snickered, or rudely stared at. Like everybody has said, most of the time people are zoned out, into their music or watching the tvs. The only people I take the time to look at the ones that inspire me because they are in phenominal shape and are lifting heavy weights, or doing a creative exercise that I want to try, etc.

I actually find the gym very freeing. It's the only place I can go to where I look like a complete mess and I don't care!
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