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Old 01-01-2008, 10:31 PM   #1
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Angry I need HELP/SUPPORT!

I am 23 years old. I am 5 feet 10 inches tall, I weigh 225 pounds. I wear a size 14-18, or 36 in Jeans depending on the brand. I went shopping for tops over the weekend and could not find anything that fit. I tried on XL-2XL NONE of the shirts I tried on FIT. I was really upset. I have never bought a shirt larger than a 2X, I don't understand, I still fit into the clothes I have but I can't find anything NEW that fits right. Probably because most of the time I wear hoodies/tshirts (90% of the time they are Mens) I have cute girly tank tops that I can wear, but for some reason shirts with sleeves don't fit, I have very broad shoulders I guess, but it doesn't help that I am FAT!

So anyway, I have been upset since then.
I have been trying to lose weight it seems like since FOREVER, over the last month (before the holidays) I had lost about 7 pounds buy eating healthier. Now after the holidays I am back where I started, at 225.

My fiance is the sweetest person ever. BUT he is NOT supportive or encouraging AT ALL with this issue. He keeps telling me that I look great, weight is just a number it means nothing, you can look good at any weight blah blah blah, you don't need to work out, blah blah blah, you have lots of cute clothes, BLAH
HE on the other hand goes to the gym at least 4-5 days a week. He wants to bulk up, he is already a big guy, but he works in a very physical job and wants to be bigger/stronger.

So I am just irritated that he is so eager to go to the gym so he is HAPPIER with himself, yet I should just be content with the way I am no matter what I happen to think. I am obviously wrong and blind because I "look great".

I'm TIRED OF IT. I'm tired of being FAT. I have an elliptical at home. The last time I used it was Thanksgiving. Until tonight, I ran 2 miles in 30 minutes. Which is not great considering 5 years ago I could run 2 miles in pretty much half that time, but it is better and more than I have been doing in the last oooh say ... 4 years.

In 2002 I weighed 185, so I have gained 40 pounds since then. And I need to get rid of it!

I am SO sorry this is long and crabby sounding lol.
If you managed to get through it all, thank you very much.
I have been a lurker here for a while, but don't post much.
BUT I see all the wonderful people who post here, and you all seem so supportive and willing to help and give advice and that's what I need.
Sure it's nice to hear someone say you look great, but not when you just think it's a big LIE lol. I want to look better for ME, and feel better for ME.

That is all.
Thank you!
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Old 01-01-2008, 10:55 PM   #2
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I think he is trying to be nice to you. You should probably be grateful, but I know what you are saying.

Could you interest him in taking you with him to the gym? Maybe if you showed that you were really interested in working out with him, he would be supportive.

I also feel your pain over not finding anything that fits. I am short with a thick waist, so I can't find any pants that fit. They are all way too big in the behind.
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Old 01-01-2008, 11:01 PM   #3
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I always tell him he's just saying I look great to be nice, but he get's all upset, and says how a lot of people think I look great, and I'm just crazy. And that makes me more upset because I feel like he's just lying to me you know, he doesn't have to say "Hey you're fat", But he could say something more like ... "if you want to lose weight, then thats great, I want you to be happy" and not that I am just crazy and don't need to lose weight at all cuz that's a bunch of crap.

I don't want to work out with him, he goes with a guy from work and they pretty much always lift weights. Plus I have a fear of people lol, that's why I bought my own elliptical. I just need to get my self motivated to use it more often. Maybe once I get more comfortable with myself I would consider going to a gym ... I know that sounds bad, but I can't help it, it's something I need to get over, but I don't want to wait for that to happen so I am going to try to do it at home.
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Old 01-01-2008, 11:05 PM   #4
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I agree, he is probably trying to be nice. He doesn't want to sound critical, or hurt your feelings. That is a nice trait in a guy, really. You just need to communicate with him clearly. Tell him you are thrilled HE is happy with you no matter what, but YOU are not happy, and you want to get healthier. Maybe he will understand if you can explain it using his desire to bulk up as an example. Tell him YOU think he fine the way he is... Maybe he will get it.

That is great you got some exercise in. Keep that up and the excess pounds will be history in no time!

Good luck! I will look forward to hearing about your progress!
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Old 01-01-2008, 11:17 PM   #5
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That's the thing, I tell him ALL the time how I feel. Saying pretty much EXACTLY what you just said lol. He just won't give in. I guess it's a good thing, but not when what I really want is for him to support me in what I'm doing and not just tell me I'm fine.
Oh well. I will keep working hard, eating healthy, and I will start to feel better physically and emotionally. That is all I want.

Thanks!
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Old 01-01-2008, 11:29 PM   #6
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When I started my husband wasn't really that supportive, but for different reasons. He was also quite heavy and was not ready for a change. For years I had used his disinterest in eating better as one of my excuses not to start. Then I realized, it doesn't matter what he does, I am the one who needs to eat less and move more.

Do it for you! And perhaps he will become more supportive as time goes on! Mine sure did!
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Old 01-02-2008, 06:44 AM   #7
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Hey! Glad to see you've posted, Bass!

I agree with Heather. This isn't about your fiance, it's about you. Are you going to change your eating, lose the excess pounds, start moving more? It doesn't matter what he thinks--don't use his attitude as a reason not to start.

Your BMI (body mass index) puts you in the obese category, not just overweight. So you have good reason right there to find a good plan and stick with it.

Good luck with it!
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Old 01-02-2008, 08:03 AM   #8
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I was just going to post about "doing it for you", but I see Heather and Jay jumped in ahead of me.
It sounds as though he feels good about himself. (lucky guy ) And that's how you have to be... feeling good about your self. It's nice to have encouragement, but no one can "make" you feel good. It's all up to you, and you can do it!
Find a plan that works for you, and just get at it. It's going to be a great year for you.
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Old 01-02-2008, 08:24 PM   #9
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Thanks guys. I am feeling better about myself already. I just need to keep myself motivated. I did a little over 2 miles tonight. Ate pretty healthy today and drinking lots of water!
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Old 01-02-2008, 08:45 PM   #10
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Well...not to imitate, but if that's you in the pic, you're gorgeous! (And very photogenic, I might add!)

I completely understand where you're coming from. Maybe if you told him that you're thrilled he thinks you're hot regardless, but you want to feel hot so you can beam with joy when he tells you, rather than shrinking away from the compliment.
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Old 01-02-2008, 08:49 PM   #11
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Quote:
but you want to feel hot so you can beam with joy when he tells you, rather than shrinking away from the compliment.
That's exactly what I do! I feel really uncomfortable when anyone compliments me, like I don't know how to take it lol.

That is me in the pic though, and him too haha. And thank you!
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Last edited by BassAckwards : 01-02-2008 at 08:50 PM.
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Old 01-02-2008, 08:53 PM   #12
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Ugggghh. My fiance does the SAME thing. He tells me NOT to lose weight. I am gorgeous just the way I am...and he gets mad if I say something about not feeling pretty. It really urks me. Just because YOU think I am pretty doesn't mean I think I am LOL.

Good luck to you!!
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Old 01-02-2008, 10:35 PM   #13
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Wow, my husband was never that type. He's big on the self-improvement thing.

Even now, last time I saw him we started poking each other's bellies yelling "Masa!" (dough in Spanish). That did not get any weird looks at the airport, really.

And, yeah, I agree with everyone. This is about you and what you want from your body. Remember, it's still yours, you can do what you want with it.
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