Well, I posted about managing calories on days with parties, dinners, etc. (especially during this holiday season) in calorie counters forum. I also posted in here about holiday drinking. I received great advice all around for both issues. Anyway, I really planned things out and stuck to my decisions. I was so proud of myself. I ate a light breakfast (oatmeal and a banana) and a light lunch (veggie salad), went to the party and really kept to plan. I looked at everything first, made decisions on what to have and the amount. Chose a glass of white wine as part of my caloric intake and even 1/2 a small holiday cookie was within reason. I was so pleased with myself, but didn't want to toot my horn so much so I didn't even post about it. I figured I still have a couple of things to go this season so I would wait and just stay focused without being overly pleased with myself.
Anyway, like I said, things went well. Then, TOM strikes 2 days later. I immediately blow up (which ALWAYS happens) and weigh myself because I can actually see things have grown larger and find I've put on 3 pounds. Now, I actually had weighed myself the day before and was down 1 and that was after the party! Now, on a normal day, without doing anything other than being a woman, I'm up 3. So, I know I should've posted then and there and asked for help, but then I wouldn't be a person with an eating problem! So, what did I do? Well, I'm not keeping snacks in the house (chips and such around me is just asking for a world of trouble so I won't have them around), but I still have food. So, I grabbed a box of breakfast cereal and started making my way through oh, about 1/3 of a box. Then I actually COOKED food in HUGE amounts and just abused myself -- eating everything in sight. Then I went online and looked up websites about people who absolutely hate fat people and read their comments and blogs thinking, yup that's me, I'm disgusting, I'm everything they say. I promised myself when this started that I would no longer punish myself and yet here I am. Will I do this every TOM? I'm so sad right now and had to actually build up courage to admit to all of this because above all, I'm ashamed.
I don't know what I'm looking for here -- someone to yell at me, support me, give me advice? I really don't know. Whatever you have to give, I'll take it. Thanks.