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Why would my boyfriend say this???

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Old 12-15-2007, 11:34 AM   #1
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Default Why would my boyfriend say this???

I guess I just want to complain a little because my boyfriend and I bought a new scale last night because I hadn't been able to weigh myself for a month (Which to my surprise I lost 4 lbs!). So we were talking about my weightloss and the scale says you can put in a goal to track your weight loss and I thought out loud what is my goal, and he said "115, 110, is that where your aiming??" Are you kidding me, I don't remember when I last weighed that! He then said "120-125", and I told him my goal on here is 135, and when I met him (5 years ago) I was around 142. He said "oh, well, lets compromise on this, how about 130". I'm not really upset with this, everything was said nicely, and we were just 'chatting'. He said maybe I should set my goal lower so that I work harder to get there. I told him that 135 is really low for me and I am struggling like crazy to get just to that!

Do people try to tell you how much you should weigh? I think that I just wont let him know what I weigh anymore because I've lost 19 pounds and he is really happy with it and really notices a difference. So I bet if I even lose 10 more I am hoping he will think I am where I need to be! But then this means I can't save my weight and progress in my new scale cuz he can look at it! What to do???! LOL!

BTW, I think I would've been a little upset with him if the scale had said I gained some weight, but the fact that I was down 4 pounds made me a little more upbeat in general!
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Old 12-15-2007, 11:58 AM   #2
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I laugh at my fiance whenever he tries to guess the weight of anything. He still doesn't believe I could ever weigh 145 (my highest since we've met), even though I weighed in the 200's before that. He just has absolutely no concept of weight on women.

I think guys are generally clueless when it comes to that. I think he was saying 115-120 because that sounds like a good weight "for a girl" (to him, at least- i would blow away!), whether that would look good on you or not, he just has no idea. I have a feeling you will get to 135 and he will realize how ridiculous that sounded.

I would get the other angle- people would BEG me to stop losing weight (my original goal was 130 and I'm 5'6.5).
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Old 12-15-2007, 12:13 PM   #3
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The first guess of 110-115, I would say clueless male on what women really weigh and laugh it off

The "how bout lets compromise" on 130 would seriously tick me off and I would read him the riot act. You are not losing weight for him, and he has ZERO say in what your goal weight is or should be.

Now I would say to him I dont know what my goal weight is but I will know it when I get there, just because I think about 90% of us end up adjusting our goal one way or the other
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Old 12-15-2007, 01:19 PM   #4
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Eh, I'd say he's just clueless. I've had guys "suppose" that I weigh "about 200" (when I was at ~250) and that my goal weight would be something like "125" (it's 180). Guys have NO idea. There's all this talk around about how Paris Hilton is 98 pounds, Angelina Jolie just lost 20 pounds, models weigh 115 or whatever it is now...there's just NO media talk and no awareness of what is healthy and natural for a woman.

I wouldn't worry about it. He's just clueless. Smile and nod and ignore him.
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Old 12-15-2007, 01:54 PM   #5
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EVERYBODY knows you can't compromise with a woman.....
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Old 12-15-2007, 02:47 PM   #6
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EZ you're too funny

Honestly, you should ask him what you weighed when you met him....He probably thinks that you started out at 115. I asked my boyfriend what he thought I weighed when we started daying and he said I dunno 120 and I said nope 150 and he thought I looked great. THEN I told him I was gonna go to 145. And he said oh ok. He's completely clueless as are most of the guys I have met. They don't realize womens bodies. Anyways, I would've been crabby about the let's compromise thing but thats just me. The rest of it wouldn't have bothered me. I would have a talk with him about the compromising thing because like others have said this is for you not him....you've done great already!
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Old 12-15-2007, 03:04 PM   #7
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He probably was just trying to sound helpful and supportive, but it didn't work out. The "compromise" statement would have had me seriously p*ssed off at him. But, give him the benefit of the doubt.

I think the less involved he is in your weight, the better off you both will be. Weight loss, especially someone else's, is a minefield...

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Old 12-15-2007, 04:27 PM   #8
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I gained 50 lbs with my pregnancy, and when I came home I was only 10 lbs lighter. I was so upset and my husband looked at me and said, "you look about the same to me as when we got married." I gave him a BIG KISS for that one. I still have about 17 lbs to get down to wedding weight, and he always looks at me in amazement and says, "you look beautiful, and I don't really see any difference from when we got married." Every half pound I tell him about losing, he says, "great, sweetie!" and gives me a kiss.

This man of mine has learned the art of women. He's definitely a keeper! Perhaps you should gently educate your boyfriend on exactly how he should respond to your weight loss/gain, and safe responses. hehe! I think my MIL did all that work for me before I met my DH!

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Old 12-15-2007, 06:34 PM   #9
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He's a dude. Their bodies are built different, and most dudes use themselves or other male role models as a measure. Then add in snip-bits they here on the news about models ands movie stars who weigh 105-125. He's just plugging in informations and hoping it sounds good and makes you feel good.
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Old 12-15-2007, 07:07 PM   #10
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Eh, most people, UNLESS they diet/have dieted or have/had an eating disorder, dont know a lot about weight in general! I find it hard to believe given myown obsession, but its true. OR..people manage to see it as Just A Number (I kow...mindblowing!)...and dont get how much it can affect someone.
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Old 12-15-2007, 10:56 PM   #11
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My boyfriend says I look like I weigh about 180, God love him, and therefore thinks that my goal of 140 is completely unrealistic and that I will look sickly. He is convinced that because I'm big boned and muscular that I can't possibly have that much fat to lose. We shall see.
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Old 12-15-2007, 11:22 PM   #12
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I'd be REALLY hurt by that.
Really can't anwser why he would say that.
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Old 12-16-2007, 12:53 AM   #13
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So it looks like I need to just keep him out of it! I suppose next time he asks me (if he even does) I'll just ask him how he thinks I look because I don't want to obsess too much about getting to a certain number, but rather be comfortable at whatever weight I make it to....whether it be 135, 130, or even 115! I think he did just want to know where I was at with my weight because he weighed himself too and I don't think he's done that for over a year!

Next time he asks maybe I'll just tell him he should set a goal weight to and get to workin out because he needs to lose a few!!!! LOL, I don't think I could be that mean! hehehe!

I wonder if it would be wise to even tell him when I drop a few pounds because then I would be involving him again...I guess I still don't know what to do! Maybe I should have been mad at him? Nahh, u guys must be right, guys are just clueless!

What other things do boyfriends say that they shouldn't...??? Maybe I can avoid those suggestions from him if someone tells me what not to say!
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Old 12-16-2007, 01:37 AM   #14
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I don't know. As Emily said, most people who're not dieting/don't have a weight problem seem to be crap at estimating a person's weight or supposed "ideal" weight. Besides (and no offense to the men here, but you have to admit it's very often true...), when it comes to guys in general, I'm yet to meet one who won't end up with his foot in his mouth 99% of the time in terms of weight loss-related talks.
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Old 12-16-2007, 02:12 AM   #15
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Cool Been there, heard that...

Wow, that thread really hit home!!!. I love my boyfriend (that's obvious because if I didn't, he wouldn't been my bf anymore, wouldn't he ?) and he is really sweet and caring, but he is also the kind of person who wants you to act perfectly at any kind of situation. So he sometimes says to me how I should be more organized, eat healthier, do more exercise, feel more empathy with the others. And I can't say he hasn't a point in that, because of course I make mistakes and have bad habits like anybody else (including him) but... huh! Sometimes I have just to ask him, who does he think he is? If I was that perfect, maybe I would keep searching for Mr.Right too instead of going out with him . Not that I don't feel the need to improve myself, (I'm really proud of what I've achieved and how great I feel with my healthy life style and how I'm becoming better in other areas of my life), but he, nor anyone else by the way, hasn't the right to tell me what to do or how to live my life. I know he just wants to be supportive and motivate me, in his weird way, but I'm not in need of that kind of motivation, thanks. I'm pretty confident myself without his "help".

About women's weight, as many people has stated above, he has no clue at all. As a man and a natural skinny person he has no clue about what it means to be on a diet or to make exercise to lose weight. "Eat less, exercise more", it's very simple in his mind. He is just not aware that how difficult, fisically and psycologically, is to lose and control their weight for many people around the world. Or was for me, in the past (one of the reasons I gained a lot of weight when I started to going out with him was precisely that I was unconsciunsly copying he's unhealthy eating habits). Now, he thinks deprivation is to not eat meat (he is trying to be a vegetarian), but I don't think you can feel that deprived if you can stuff yourself with pasta and fried seitan like he does . So his empathy for people like us hasn't increased a single bit .

At least, a good thing about him is that he doesn't care about my weight in the scale.For him, numbers are just that, numbers, without any emotional value, and I'm proud to say that the numbers of my scale had also lost their emotional significance for me (and I realized that without his help, take that!). That's the reason I have erased my tracker from my signature and I don't need anymore a goal weight. I only weight myself from time to time as a way to check if I have to change my calorie intake, because I'm still droping some weight. A number is just a number. What really matters is to feel strong and healthy .

That was a long rant . Now I have to phone him and say "Honey, I have been ranting about you at 3fatchicks. I feel so relaxed now that I can even fake interest in one or two of your today's sensible advices."
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