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Old 11-25-2007, 02:02 AM   #1
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Default Breaking Up/Food Vent

My boyfriend and I broke up last month.

I was the one who actually broke up with him. We had the most unhealthy relationship ever. When he was bored and horny, he treated me like the best girlfriend in a world. But whenever he had his friends, Madden, or weed...I could be on fire and he wouldn't notice.

He was also verbally abusive A LOT. He called me "B", he called me "C" and everything else. But then he would apologize and start kissing me and I don't know why that seemed to work everytime, but it did and I forgave him.

He once made a joke about how my father "looks better now, since the chemo made him lose weight". Yes he actually said that and I actually forgave him.

But so on and so forth, one day I had enough. Not only was I angry I actually didn't feel any love toward him. Just pity and hate. I didn't want that kind of baggage so I ended it. And now its over.

Of course during this whole time my eatings been out of control. McDonalds, bread, cheese, candy, Blizzards, I had some of each of those things everyday. Eating is really my only source of comfort. The break up also made me feel ugly and useless and depressed. I was with that guy for two years, since I was 17. I had forgotten how lonely I was before.

So NOW I've mourned long enough and I think it's time to get back into the game. I need to lose weight and I've put it off long enough. I don't want to be an obese 20 year old. I don't want to spend my 20's the way I spent my teen years. It's time to end this.

I think I'm gonna start trying to get my eating under 2,000 calories a day. It will be hard (I've averaging 3000 now) but I gotta start somewhere.

I also haven't exercised in forever so I think I'm gonna start doing my 1 Mile Walk Away the Pounds video everyday. I was doing the 2 Mile Walk this summer but that's before all the drama happened...

I also met another guy who...perfect for me! We share the same religious beliefs, politics, style. He doesn't drink or do drugs. He has a job! And he treats me better than I've ever been treated my entire life.

We're not dating yet, I don't know if we ever will. He wants to. But he's perfect. He's skinny. And I mean...skinny. We'll look like the number 10. Plus...he has all these gorgeous girl friends. I mean drop dead gorgeous, with great bodies. Why does he want me? Why is he trying to get me when he could have someone such much better?

And that's the end of my vent. Thanks for reading.
Mini Goal...no longer morbidly obese!
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Old 11-25-2007, 08:24 AM   #2
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Hey, CherryBlossom!

Sorry to hear about all the drama and pain... It's easy to overeat under these circumstances, but eventually people learn (hopefully!) that being upset is not a free ticket to unlimited eating. The body doesn't care what the reason is, it just turns the extra food into fat.

So, good luck on getting back on track! Remember, you have to do this for you--for your health--not because of a new romantic interest. Otherwise history just repeats itself.

"My religion is kindness." --His Holiness the Dalai Lama

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Old 11-25-2007, 08:38 AM   #3
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For starters, i'm sorry about your break up. I can totally relate to you because i had a two year (unhealthy) relationship, and it is difficult when it happens, you go through all these emotions, i know when it happened to me, i felt like i needed him and couldn't really do anything on my own, i'd lost my independence. But sometimes things actually do happen for a reason, and i'm definitely sure it did with you too! you've met what sounds like a fantastic guy, perfect for you! and you've lost the stress of what the other guy put you through (seriously, the things you described about him make me really angry!) but hang on a sec....

Originally Posted by CherryBlossom View Post
Plus...he has all these gorgeous girl friends. I mean drop dead gorgeous, with great bodies. Why does he want me? Why is he trying to get me when he could have someone such much better?
ERRRRM.... have you seen yourself? your picture is gorgeous!! i bet you're ten times more beautiful than any of those girls. You need to have more confidence in yourself hun! Good luck with the new guy and good luck with getting back on track

BMI: 32.6 .................................................. ........BMI: 23
It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get back up again

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Old 11-25-2007, 08:39 AM   #4
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I'm glad that destructive relationship is over and done with, though I'm sure there is/was much pain involved in the break-up. You will get past this.

Forget the cute guy with all the pretty girls surrounding him. You hit the nail right on the head, - you really and truly don't want to spend your 20's being morbidly obese. How I wish I would have felt this way. All those wasted years of being miserable, due directly to my being so heavy. It didn't have to be that way for me. And it doesn't have to be that way for you. Take charge of your life right this minute. Don't settle for second best, when first is well within your reach. You won't regret it for a single second. Good luck to you.
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Old 11-25-2007, 09:49 AM   #5
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I agree with leah, you are beautiful, and you know what I bet you have a personality to match the gorgeous picture so any guy should count himself lucky

Good job on getting back into exercising! You've moved on and now you are ready for you! Keep it up!

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Old 11-25-2007, 10:15 AM   #6
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Hi CherryBlossom,

I agree with all of the ladies. He will definitely be lucky to have you as a girlfriend. You already have the looks and personality and most "beautiful" girls just have their looks. So don't be down on yourself about that.

Also I agree with JayEl, lose this weight for yourself. This is very difficult when you have someone new and exciting in your life but try.

I wish you all the luck on your new journey.
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Old 11-25-2007, 03:15 PM   #7
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CHERRY ~ you are indeed a very pretty young lady, who has lots to offer this world. Many people overeat when they are in a negative relationship. You were brave and got yourself out of it; so, why not take some time for yourself : to heal and build up your self-esteem, while working on your health at the same time.

My mother used to say 'You have the rest of your life to have all the boyfriends you want', but you only have one youth, so why not use it to have some fun and create a good and healthy future for yourself ...

= 10 lbs ...
115 lbs + 16 Single Sizes Gone Forever! -- 100 lb tumor = ONEDERLAND!
Progress Pics: http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/look...ml#post4361876
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Old 11-25-2007, 04:03 PM   #8
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Ummm, maybe he LIKES you? Maybe his opinion of you doesn't depend on your weight? Maybe you should look at yourself the way that HE sees you???
Be proud of yourself regardless of the numbers on the scale. And if you have found someone for whom the numbers are meaningless, you've found a quality person.
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Old 11-25-2007, 09:27 PM   #9
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You might look at a few of the codependency books, Codependent No More. Just to read on what part you might have had if any in an abusive relationship with a guy like this. Also since you know you are an emotional eater, you can figure out what triggers you. Do you have low self esteem, is that why you stayed with the jerk so long to begin with. I think a lot of us are finding that our weight gain is related to emotional eating - when one or several parts of our lives aren't going well. So you can look at your life as a whole and not only diet, but try to improve everything - your life at work, friends, family, spiritual life, your body image etc. The stronger you are, the more you like yourself, the more you are able to set "boundaries" with men/others, the more you'll be able to enjoy your life. Your 20s should be your best years, I hope you can lose the weight and really enjoy them. Whatever you do, stay away from the jerks of the world though, learn to be smart, look for red flags early on. There are many nice men out there, you are beautiful and you deserve one of the good guys.
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Old 11-26-2007, 07:14 AM   #10
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First things first. Your gorgeous no matter what your weight is. Accept it. (I know I know... not the easiest thing to just accept..)

Second things second. It's only been one month since ending things with that boy. Give yourself the time you need to heal. Jumping into another relationship makes it so much more difficult to truly know yourself. (And I say this from personal experience.)

Focus on your health, both physical and emotional. Take steps to be in control. (And it sounds like you're planning on it! Good!!!)

The thing is that relationships take time and effort. And right now YOU need time & effort. You need to get used to a healthy routine so that a new guy won't shake it up too much. (Hey new relationships can cause weight gain, too!)

I'm not saying close the door. Just saying to take at least a few more weeks to put yourself at the top of your list.

Best of luck with EVERYTHING!
~Made of star stuff~
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Old 11-26-2007, 08:19 AM   #11
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Cherry... great job dumping the doofus! You don't need his abuse!!
I would say instead of the boys, focus on yourself right now.

I wouldn't trust the guy who has all the "gorgeous girlfriends" trust me... I've been there, done that and been burnt!!! Not to mention after being with a guy like him, I ended up getting pregnant (at 18)... then found out he was fooling around with other girls... AND GUYS to boot! Blah yucky!

Anyway... Find time to work on you. Feel better about yourself, spend more time with the girls. Trust me, you don't need to feel alone if you don't have a guy.

The right guy will find YOU when you least expect it.

That's what happened with me. After I had my daughter, I went back to school. Got a good job. I went out with a couple of guys, and the last one was mentally/physically/emotionally abusive. I swore men off from that point. And then I met Todd. We clicked.

We're now married. I met him on my birthday in 2000 (when I turned 20).

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Old 11-26-2007, 09:17 AM   #12
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I agree with all the others. Lose the weight for you, nobody else. I tried to lose for my husband for many years and couldn't - then he left and guess what - I'm losing.

Also, be careful with a new relationship. Two years is a long time to forget overnight. Give yourself time to have fun and date. The 'right one' will come along soon enough - if it is your new guy, he'll still be there when you're ready to commit.

Good luck,
- Denise
-----.................................................. .................................bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb.......................--

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Old 11-26-2007, 12:56 PM   #13
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i agree with everyone here...i think you need some time for yourself. You've only been broken up for 1 month. Hello...time for quality YOU time!!!!!!! I think you should go out, have fun, enjoy life and do healthy things for you. I think you're very beautiful and will have no problem finding anyone. Right now, however, i think you need to focus on you. don't worry about getting into another relationship. Focus on yourself and your health. Start forming helathy lifestyle so when you are in a relationship is it more clockwork and less work. I find that jumping right into something after a long relationship is just setting yourself up for disaster. Keep the guy as a friend, go out, hang out and have fun. Do things with your girlfriends...start finding ways to get healthy, focus on yourself.
Trust me you are young and have plenty of time to "Find the right one". go see how much fun life can be while youre single. Its important to be healthy in mind, body and spirit before you can truely be ready for a relationship to work out. so why not discover who you are and what you want in life...and when its time...the right guy will be there. Trust me..i'm living proof of that...i waited a while and now at 34 have the best darn hubby a woman can want. but it didn't happen untiil after i focused on myself first (and i'm not talkign weight loss...more emotional levels)

the monkeys make me do it
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Old 11-26-2007, 05:33 PM   #14
Let's do this!
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I think you are on the right track, and good for you for dumping him! You are a beautiful girl and I doubt you would have any trouble meeting a great guy, but your words reveal a lot.

If you are serious about shaking obesity, then pursuing a new relationship (especially) off the heels of an abusive one is going to make that extraordinarily difficult. I suggest putting new prospects on the back burner (which is really hard if you are boy crazy like I am/was) and getting YOU back on track. The better you can be, the better someone is to you (and I DON'T mean appearances).

I was in your situation a few years ago. I dumped the ginormous jerk at the start of my weightloss journey and literally met my now fiancee the week I hit my goal weight. I still had some stuff to figure out about myself, but I was in a MUCH better place then I was on the heels of the bad relationship.

2011- putting on the baby weight
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Old 11-26-2007, 06:01 PM   #15
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Thanks for all the encouragement everyone.

I know I should really be single right now. I do need to focus on myself. That is true.

I may tell this guy I won't be ready to date for a while. He said he would wait however long until I'm ready. Maybe I should just swear off guys until this summer. Hopefully by then I'll have my weight under control. I also won't have school to deal with which is stressful enough. So if he means what he says, he should still be around in 7 months.

I feel better now lol. Thank goodness for this forum, no one else can understand what it's like.
Mini Goal...no longer morbidly obese!
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