How twisted am I? - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

freiamaya · 08-23-2007, 08:09 PM

SO, I admit that I've been binge-like eating for 4 months now. I'm afraid to get on the scale, but I am sure that I am up 15 lbs. I don't want to readjust my ticker, because that would mean that I've failed AGAIN at weight loss maintenance. And I'm really, really good at taking everyone else's inventory and telling them how to do it while I can't seem to manage to hold it together myself. What a hypocrite I am! I hate weight loss shows, where people with challenges FAR GREATER than mine actually succeed. BUT, I feel oddly compelled to watch them over, and over, and OVER again while eating huge bowls of popcorn ...SIGH...when will it end? How does one get back on track after falling off the wagon? I feel like I've fallen off so many times that the wagon has actually run me over, broken my legs, and I'm lying in the dirt with a bowl of ice cream in my hand and chocolate sauce on my face and not even caring...
Help!!!

LadyLai · 08-23-2007, 08:27 PM

Hi there! You just took the words right out of my mouth and perhaps tore a page from my own situation. You are not alone in this. I too have been struggling for months. Eating whatever my heart desired and then trying to step back into the game after noticing a few pounds up. But after many failed attempts and giving in to so many temptations throughout the summer..I'm up 25lbs.!! It doesn't take long that's for sure! Like you, I can't understand why people who have much greater challenges seem to make it look so easy getting to goal. I belonged to a support group but after feeling so disappointed in myself and not much of a supporter nor motivator I stopped posting. I felt that I was the biggest hypocrite to continue. Fast forward a few eye opening weeks and here I am. I realized I have to stop this continuing cycle of eating then trying to be OP if I am going to spare the last pounds I've actually lost. I'm ready to hit it hard again with new found strength and will. Nothing is set in stone, we can't get back our days of bad choices..but we can change the road that lies ahead of us. Take back the reigns of wagon and start steering with eyes wide open. I just put out there a new thread dedicated to what "we're" going through if you'd like to come check it out...please do! Here's the link:

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=120996

Hope to see you there!

JayEll · 08-23-2007, 08:43 PM

Hey! Great idea to start a thread in Support Groups! I'm sure there are many who have gone off plan and are hesitant to post. This give folks an opportunity to climb back on board 3FC.

All I can say is--the day will come when you realize that there is no going back to the "old way" of eating. It didn't work then, and it won't work now!

The key is to find a program or plan that you can stay with, even after you've lost the weight. I'm a calorie counter, myself. I'm still at the "record everything" stage--and so far it's working.

Most if not all diet programs have a maintenance phase--and sadly, that's where many people stop! I know I did, years ago on WW. It was a mistake.

So, glad to see you fine chickies are coming back and starting again! Welcome!

Jay

sockmonkey70 · 08-23-2007, 09:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by freiamaya

I feel like I've fallen off so many times that the wagon has actually run me over, broken my legs, and I'm lying in the dirt with a bowl of ice cream in my hand and chocolate sauce on my face and not even caring...
Help!!!

LOL! Atleast you have a sense of humor about it

I know how you feel though. I have gotten too comfortable with the weight I have lost so far..and I feel like I gave myself a free ticket to eat eat eat eat. I have FINALLY got back on track the last few days...But man...there for awhile it was fast food everyday! I weighed in at 192 even this morning, but I REFUSE to change my ticker!
Just crawl back up on that wagon girl. It's never EVER too late!

Glory87 · 08-23-2007, 09:34 PM

Hey Freiameya, I was wondering where you've been!

I'm sorry you're having a hard time right now, getting from weight loss to weight MAINTENANCE was the hardest thing for me. I could always lose weight, I could NEVER keep it off, not for 20 years.

So, as someone who has managed to make the transition (knock on wood, it's only been 2.5 years and I hopefully have a long time to be doing this), let me bounce around some stuff for you to consider.

What about your plan is hard to stick to? Do you not like the food, do you long to eat other things? Is it too restrictive and not flexible enough for "real world" I was very careful to modify my "old eating" and make it healthier while still incorporating HOW I used to eat (like - I used to looove pasta, but it was always a HUGE plate of pasta and 6 pieces of bread, now it's a 2 oz serving of pasta and NO bread, but I'm still eating pasta and sauce, it was a change but not a radical change!)

Why do you eat after dinner? Boredom, no planned snack, dinner is unsatisfying in some way? Maybe a true "food journal" where you write down WHY you eat might be helpful. "I ate popcorn because I like to eat popcorn while watching TV." Maybe swear off TV for a week? Or keep your hands busy while you're watching it - fold laundry, knit, brush the cat. Drink lots of herbal tea. Brush your teeth. Call your mom. Write a letter to an aunt. Busy hands. "I ate popcorn because I was still hungry" - plan a healthy snack!

Why do you have trouble getting back on track? Tired of cooking, tired of going to the grocery store? I look at it like this - I don't like doing a lot of things. I hate flossing, mowing the lawn, ironing, paying taxes, but I do them all anyway. If the cats needed food, I wouldn't skip the grocery store becaue I didn't feel like going - they are hungry and need me to bring them food! You are just as important as a pet! You need healthy food too!

Why is it tough to get back on plan? Do you feel that if you eat something "wrong" that the whole day is wasted and you might as well just eat whatever? Someone said something I thought was brilliant - if you break a dish, do you break all the dishes? One of my biggest accomplishments was learning to FORGIVE myself and move on. That doesn't mean I don't think about what happened and how I could cope better, but it doesn't give me permission to throw up my hands in dispair and eat a cheesecake. One misstep does not lead to a day or week or month of eating off plan.

Have you stopped being accountable? One of the things I promised myself was a crystal clear view of myself, no more hiding my head in the sand. I weigh every week. I used to write down everything I ate, if I were struggling, I would do it again. It's a lot tougher to eat a big bowl of ice cream if I know I MUST write it down.

My suggestions:

Menu plan for one week - every meal, all healthy foods you like - pick your favorites. For example, I absolutely adore healthy pizza I make at home with Boboli whole wheat crust, marinara sauce, spinach leaves, onion, garlic, kalamata olives and fat free feta. I look forward to eating that. Pick meals for yourself that fall into that category. Make a shopping list for everything you need to eat right for one week. Go to the store and buy everything on your list and only those things (with the exception of stuff like "oh, I forgot toilet paper" - buy THAT if you need it, heh)

Plan a healthy snack for after dinner, something you really like, like a baked apple with blueberries or a whole wheat tortilla smeared with warmed peanut butter, wrapped around a banana. When you are done eating your after dinner snack, brush, floss and declare the kitchen "closed."

De-junk the house completely. If you live with people (friends, family) explain you are in a crisis situation and YOU NEED THIS for at least a week. Get rid of everything, ice cream, chocolate syrup, cold cereal - anything that makes YOU eat restlessly. For me, that includes relatively healthy stuffl like cashews and dried fruit. Get rid of all of it.

Do as much as possible in advance to make your eating super easy for the week. Consider making a big pot of soup in advance or a healthy casserole or maybe pasta sauce. Cut up vegetables, portion dip, make your lunches in advance. You want the same grab and go convenience as someone who can jauntily stop by fast food for lunch. Put out an attractive bowl of fruit. Splurge on something healthy you love but rarely buy - fresh raspberries, a mango.

Write down everything you eat. Every bite - no lying to yourself. Use Fitday as a helpful tool.

Make some goals you can meet - decide to try 1 new healthy recipe, try to get to bed on time 3 nights a week, avoid all fast food, sugary soda, exerise 5 times a week.

Figure out how to reward yourself by sticking to your plan for the week. This is a big week, because you are struggling to get back on plan. Once you actually do it for a week, it should be easier and easier, but right now, you have to think BIG. Pedi, massage, new sandals? A DVD you've been wanting?

petra65 · 08-23-2007, 09:36 PM

I had one of those revelation moments today too and this one may scare you. I'm a psychiatrist. I fell off the wagon several months ago and just started trying to get back onto some sort of healthy eating program in the past week. I'm sitting there talking to a new patient today who is an alcoholic (I work at a VA so most of my patients have some sort of substance abuse problem). He has had some success with sobriety in the past and wants to get sober again and is talking about how hard it will be and all the things he will have to change in his life and how this has to be a priority for his health and I realize he and are talking exactly the same language. I sit there all day telling these patients how to run their lives and I can't run my own-at least not this aspect very well.

freiamaya · 08-23-2007, 09:41 PM

Hi everyone! Well, Glory87, you were wondering where I was? I was stuck in my fridge and had to eat my way out!!!

Thanks for all the advice, everyone. I'll refocus, and give it another shot. But, boy do I lack motivation...not that you need it to make a change, you just have to DO it. And do it I will try...I'll keep everyone posted..
Thanks!

Glory87 · 08-23-2007, 09:54 PM

As far as motivation - do you have any before pics? You've lost so much weight, done such amazing hard work, come so far. Put those before pics on the frig, try on your old pants, think of all the things you can do now easier. Make a list of everything you have accomplished. Did you chart your weight loss - print it out.

Imagine what it would be like if you regained all the weight. The sad, empathetic looks from your friends/family. The way they will carefully NOT say anything, but you know they know. All your new thinner clothes? Won't fit, they will just sit in your closet as sad reminders.

I know all these things, because I have lived them and I would never want to live them again and I'd like to spare anyone the pain of living it. Whenever I regained weight, I felt like a helpless, out of control, no will power loser. Not liking myself was a bad feeling.

Most people don't succeed. They lose, they regain. They get heavier than they were originally. Most people don't succeed because weight loss is hard and it's endless and we live in a culture that glorifies unhealthy eating and it's SO DAMN EASY to eat badly. It's so much harder to eat well. It's hard work. Do you want to be a statistic? Are you a fighter?

What are your goals for when you are at goal weight? Can you go buy some fabulous size 6 dress (estimating based on your goal weight) and hang it proudly and visibly on the front of your closet so you can see it everyday?

I actually don't believe in motivation as a key factor in weight loss maintenance/success. It's really hard to keep up that level of enthusiasm for anything for every long. Think of it as more as commitment and habits.

I firmly believe that if I can do this (lazy, scone-eating slug that I was) anybody can do this.

petra65 · 08-23-2007, 10:07 PM

Freiamaya, it looks like you did the most important thing already. Reach out and let someone know you were struggling and asked for help.

Jeannette311 · 08-23-2007, 10:07 PM

I completely know what you are talking about.

Due to medical reasons recently I haven't been able to work out but I can eat!

Thankfully I saw a doctor and I should be all set. It's my 1st week on medication so I should be able to workout normally again now.

I'm hoping that this will be the thing I need to keep me going!

freiamaya · 08-23-2007, 11:07 PM

Its so interesting about the before pictures -- I have them at my heaviest at 250 lbs, and at my low point and I honestly, and I'm not making this up, don't really see any difference. That in itself scares me, because it indicates that I probably have a distorted body image...ANOTHER piece of luggage to carry through this weight loss journey...but anyways, I'm going to clean out my fridge in the morning (it's late here and I'm going to bed) but I'll post what I threw out tomorrow. 'Night!!!!

almostheaven · 08-26-2007, 09:44 PM

Failed? What in the world gives you that idea? You've lost 67 pounds. So step on the scale. Let's say you DID gain 15. You've STILL maintained a 52 pound loss. I wouldn't even BEGIN to call that a failure. Sometimes we gotta see the glass as half full instead of half empty.

remtana · 08-27-2007, 10:09 AM

You can do it!

freiamaya · 08-27-2007, 11:01 AM

OK, so today I WILL update my ticker...sigh...
Thanks for all the support!
I'll see if I can start a thread in Support Groups.
I'll keep everyone updated!

K8-EEE · 08-28-2007, 12:25 PM

I think that 90% of people who are successful in the end with their diet goals have faced & come back from your exact situation. It's all in admitting it so you can jump back on the horse. And you did that already, so you're on your way!

Hurray for you!!