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Old 08-21-2007, 12:27 AM   #1  
I have less blubber!
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Default When no one notices...

It makes me realize I have SO far left to go. I am not even half way there yet! What am I doing feeling all confident??..I have atleast 40 pounds left to lose.

I went back to school today. NO ONE noticed I lost weight. I got several "You look different"'s, but..no one actually got it. And I was too embarassed to tell anyone who "noticed I was different" because I must be a freaking whale if you don't realize I lost over 30 pounds since the last time I saw you!!!! Rawr.
So there is my self esteem blow for the day. Not to mention I just came off ANOTHER binge and was feeling kinda low anyway. I swear I just felt so embarassed! I was SO proud of my weightloss..Now I feel stripped.
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Old 08-21-2007, 12:44 AM   #2  
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Stay proud, girl! You've come so far, and you WILL go so much farther. Your awesome new hair confused them. "Is it the hair? Did she lose weight? I'll say she looks good and I'll be covered either way!"

Think on your motivations. Is having people comment on your weight loss a goal? Don't let it be so—creating goals based on forces you can't control is a recipe for failure, and you can't control what other people say. I'm sure your goal is to be healthy and fit and look good, and receiving positive commentary on your progress just kind of slipped in. We can't help hoping that other people will notice, comment, and approve of what we are doing, but because we can't CONTROL that, remember to keep at the forefront the goals we DO have control over.
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Old 08-21-2007, 01:05 AM   #3  
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Hi, Mary,

Owie. I'm sorry you had to go through that painful experience. As someone who has to lose many, many pounds before even changing a size, you have my sincere empathy.

But now, in the gentlest voice possible, I am going to ask you a few questions: For whom are you doing this? You, or those people at school? Please, don't let their inattentiveness deter you from your goal! You have so many good reasons for wanting to lose weight besides just impressing your classmates (which will happen at some point, no question!) -- and you're nearly halfway there! That's a very significant accomplishment. Don't diminish it by letting anyone else define your goals!

Classmates are frequently insensitive.... I remember the year in junior high school when I returned after the summer, having learned how to apply makeup with more skill (read learning to apply a whole lot less of it)... not one but TWO acquaintances asked when I had stopped wearing glasses. I didn't start wearing glasses till I was 46!!! In the total scheme of things, what these people think doesn't mean much.

Create yourself for yourself, chick. Focus on your accomplishments and remember your reasons for starting this adventure in the first place -- we're cheering for you!

Rae
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Old 08-21-2007, 02:46 AM   #4  
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You've come so far, please don't be discouraged!! And this is true: a lot of people are reluctant to comment because sometimes if you say, "have you lost weight?" people go, "why, did you think I was fat before?" Seriously!

Also, the first day of school, people are very preoccupied with seeing everyone and face it a lot of people are concentrating on making a good impression themselves.

Wouldn't it be funny if somebody that didn't comment on your FAB WEIGHT ACHIEVEMENT....OF WHICH I MYSELF AM VERY JEALOUS BTW....was upset that you didn't comment on their braces being off or something?

Chin up! People will notice, many probably already did, that's a lot of weight to lose. Very inspiring!
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Old 08-21-2007, 03:12 AM   #5  
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Oh, Mary, my dear. You just hit on my secret shame. I get really bummed out when people I haven't seen in a while don't say anything. And it's not because I'm doing it for anybody except me, but because I use it as one of many measuring sticks for my progress - especially when I don't necessarily feel a lot different.

Here is one thing I've learned, though. Sometimes people DO notice and don't say anything for fear of being wrong or (oddly enough) fear of embarrassing you or fear of it being construde as impolite. Many times I've had people not say a word and hear after the fact that they talked to someone else about how great I was looking.

Don't let it get you down! They'll say something if you keep doing the great job you're doing...
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Old 08-21-2007, 05:30 AM   #6  
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Oh I am sure SOME people noticed, my friend. I personally prior to starting this whole weight loss bizzo again generally didn't say anything at all even if it was obvious that the person has lost weight and was looking good. Know why I didn't say anything? Jealous, that's why. Not proud of it but there it is.

Now that I'm a loser too I might be more inclined to give out a compliment!

Also what others have said is also true: sometimes people don't want to say anything because by saying 'wow, you've lost weight!' they are kind of implying 'and you were fat before!' so some people don't like to say it.

Don't worry about it, the compliments will come. And why don't you take a look in the mirror and compliment yOURSELF? That's who you are doing this for after all.
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Old 08-21-2007, 06:20 AM   #7  
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I agree with what everyone else had to say. You've done an incredible job and I am sure people will make comments, in time.
The first day of school is usually an "all about me" day for everyone. Even those people that seem to be the most popular of all are insecure on those days, it's a stressful day. People don't know where each class/room is, they worry about who will be at the same lunch as they are and if there is going to be anyone they know in each class. They are very self involved on those days. People you know will notice and eventually comments will be made.
I remember one year I got contact lenses over the summer. I went to school the first day hoping that by some miracle that I would be like a butterfly coming out of a cocoon and that everyone would notice me and my social life would be amazing. Well, only a few people noticed. I was ME all along, like it or not, with or without those contacts. But, the contacts did make me feel better about myself and as a result I was more secure meeting and talking to people and in the end, life did improve for me but maybe it would have with or without contacts.
Someone asked who you are doing this for. I'll bet your answer would be for both reasons, for the others in your peer group and also for yourself. Being in a school situation creates it's own set of insecurities and having to worry about your body not fitting in to the "norm" is really a hard thing. So, you are well on your way to really "fitting in" and being able to wear all the cool clothes you want to wear and to be able to be in your P.E. classes without feeling like a stumbling idiot that cannot do a thing.
You'll be fine, you will continue your wonderful success and people will notice. When you get those positive comments, it will inspire you to continue.
One thing I want to ask you, do you exercise? My 16 year old daughter goes to Weight Watchers with me and has lost about 20 pounds, on her 5'3" body it really shows up. But, people didn't really start noticing and her clothing sizes didn't really start to change until she started going to a gym regularly. Maybe you need to do something like this as well to shape up after the losses. If you can't afford a gym, it doesn't cost any money to put an exercise video/DVD in and do that or to walk.
HUGS,
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Old 08-21-2007, 06:45 AM   #8  
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Oh come on now. Don't you go and feel bad about yourself and your incredible accomplishments.

Although I do understand how you would want people to notice, it's just not always so clear cut for people. In fact I got some of the same reactions that you did. People would tell me how good I looked, but they weren't exactly sure why. Some people are also reluctant to mention weightloss because they think they may be insulting you.

Whatever you do, don't let it get to you. You are doing amazing. Simply amazing. It's just a matter of time before everyone can't help but notice and contain themselves from saying so. Use this to spur you on if you must, not hold you back. Get more and more determined then ever to STICK with your plan and lose the weight. First and foremost - FEEL GOOD about what you are doing for yourself. You are doing the very best thing for yourself by getting, fit and healthy and gorgeous at a young age. You won't have to look back like I am at all the wasted years.
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Old 08-21-2007, 07:15 AM   #9  
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Hi Mary I posted about this a few weeks ago - I went to my doctor (!) and he didn't notice I'd lost over 50 pounds... and I got a LOT of interesting perspectives from the good people here about why that might have been. The one that sticks in my mind, and just feels 'true', is that to many people, body weight is black and white. These are the people who seem 'normal' (weight wise ) to the rest of us. Perhaps they see all other people as being of a normal weight, or being overweight. So, it doesn't matter if you need to lose thirty pounds or three hundred pounds - they might just see you as 'overweight'. This was a revelation for me - it would never have crossed my mind, so I started asking a few people about that theory, and it was amazing to find that, in many (but of course, not all!) cases, this is true.

So, for example, I was 150 pounds overweight. I lost fifty. Being 100 pounds overweight might feel better to ME, but it still LOOKS pretty overweight to others.

I don't know if this will help you, but it changed my whole outlook on others during this journey, and helped me stop caring what others think or measure me by.

Girl, you are do SO well -chin up!

Heather
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Old 08-21-2007, 07:25 AM   #10  
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Heather, you may have a very good point there. In the eyes of others you are still overweight, maybe not as much as before, but still overweight. It's so hard, isn't it?
We are the skinny people inside and we want to look like that person inside us.
Have you all ever seen the movie Shallow Hal? I love that movie and how he sees all these beautiful women, that are truly not what he sees. But, his gift is to see them as they are inside. He falls in love with a "gorgeous" woman who he thinks is skinny, but isn't. In the end, he doesn't care what her weight is and wants her for being her.
Sadly, though, many people think the way Hal did before he was hypnotized. What a world we live in.
Keep up the great work!
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Old 08-21-2007, 07:40 AM   #11  
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Awwwww, Maryyyyy

I know there are some people who noticed but probably didn't comment. Infact, I know several people who never comment on others' weight (to their face, anyway) because they are afraid of the people getting offended - yes , some people actually DO get offended if you ask them if they have lost weight, funny as it sounds!

Also, like others have said, unfortunately, people don't start noticing weight loss until you're no longer overweight (by society's view or otherwise). I know this girl who weighed 305 pounds and now weighs 230 - she has lost 75 pounds - but no one has noticed. You don't have anywhere near that to lose, but you get my point... the more you may have to lose, the longer it takes for people to see.

Me, I've lost 22 pounds now, but some people still don't see it. How? I have no idea, considering I dropped a pants size or two, not to mention my love handles are gone AND I'm now at a healthy weight, but some people are just plain oblivious. Have you noticed how much more attention you've gotten from strangers now that you've lost weight? Something like that should be a consolation... stuff like that should remind you to keep going!
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Old 08-21-2007, 08:48 AM   #12  
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Aw man, do I know what you're talking about!

In my case also, people start complementing me when I have lost the weight and am then starting to gain it again. It's puzzling and almost rewards my behaviour that has been leading me to weight loss.

But at that time I think: "No! I did a good job getting where I am. I remember the difference, and now I feel much better with myself! If these people think otherwise then who cares? I'm doing this for me!"

It's a good mindset, although I know how good it feels getting complimented. :$
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Old 08-21-2007, 09:02 AM   #13  
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Thumbs up

When I was down about 50 pounds, I met my brother at a family gathering. "Look at you, more hair," he said.

Some people were sensitive that weight loss might have been a medical problem and discretely asked someone behind my back if I had lost weight on purpose and was still healthy.
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Old 08-21-2007, 09:18 AM   #14  
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Believe me that people will notice that 30lb lost - I've lost the same as you and more to go but I had a few comments recently like 'you're looking well'. I think they know its due to weightloss but don't want to embarras me by pointing out the obvious - that I am overweight. Just keep going and you'll soon get the 'Wow' factor you wanted.

Kitty
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Old 08-21-2007, 09:32 AM   #15  
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I have a LOT to lose as well and I don't know how I am going to tell people I am down 40-60 lbs because I'll still be big! lol, I could just imagine the "wow.. you were a real porker" looks

Oh well, I just wanna GET there first lol.

Congrats so far sweetie, you're doing great! Do you go to college?
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