On Sunday, I went grocery shopping and really did a good job planning out my meals. I start off yesterday morning being all postive. I was great for breakfast and lunch, very few calories, dinner and snacks all planned out, and then BAM!, my husband surprises me with spaghetti, my favorite! When I get around spaghetti, I'm sucking it down like there's no tomorrow! Major weakness for me! I didn't even stop and see if I have any chopped tomatoes or something to put in it to bulk it up....sucked it down, 2 bowls full, as is, in 2 seconds flat! Grrr!!!
Ok, this morning I get up, have it all planned out. Great breakfast and lunch again. This time it will be different..I'm in control. BAM! Hubby gets some extra work cash from my dad and he wants to take the family out for chinese food! Grrr!!!! I cannot say no! It's going out, which we rarely do anymore. Major treat. And you'd think I would make good choices, the willpower I have and all....nope. Get the big plate of salty chicken, salty noodles and salty rice. I can still taste the salt and my body is starting to really feel bloated now. Been pouring the water down me all night, and now I'm going to have to pee till daybreak. Grrr!!!
Here I go again tomorrow. How do I get the back bone to say no and think ahead to how thin will feel even greater than the food going in me now? Why can't I just get it? I want it bad enough. I have my meals all planned out. Hubby knows how I feel, but he's a bit selfish. If he wants to go out, the family goes with him (food is his entertainment). If he wants to cook me a big meal, it's because he wants the food too. I can and should say "NO!" but I never do. Why is that? Please help me! I've talked to hubby about this but he just doesn't understand, and I'm too weak to fight it 100%. I LOVE good food. It's been a huge part of our lives for 12 years now.
Thanks for listening. I need to get more water. I'm so puffy my eyes are nearly shut and my fingers are so swollen I can barely type!
I kwym. I love good food also. That is why I really don't do 'diet foods'. I try to eat real tasting, yummy, 'normal' food... because I don't want to be a slave to frozen meals and rice cakes. Anyway, that being said.. I still make everything that I love, just in a different way. Pasta isn't the end of the world... but if you make the sauce yourself, you can control what you put in it. Cut out the yummy buttery garlic bread... it's hard to do, but really helps. I am Italian and grew up on pasta and bread everything and it's a part of me that I can't give up! But I try to stick to a pasta once a month rule now, and as long as I can look forward to that one day and 'save' up some calories for dinner, then I am good. Maybe you can tell your husband that you know he loves x, y, and z... and let him pick which one day of the month he'd like pasta/take out/dining out on. Then, you won't have to give it up, you won't feel guilty for indulging, and everything will be in moderation. Asking the waiter/waitress not to bring out bread is also a good idea, as is asking them to box up half of your food before they bring it out... or having a salad with light dressing before pasta to fill up a bit on. You don't HAVE to give up anything, you just have to change the way that you look at food. Find other ways to entertain your family, like movie/game nights with light/air popped popcorn or other healthy snacks.
Wow, DoILook, that's really a dilemma. What to do in a house where you are the only one trying to control food intake? I won't even go into whether your husband is sabotaging your efforts--even though it seems like it.
OK, the burden you are facing is that you HAVE to learn to control your portions. Yes, you can ask your husband not to make certain foods a lot of the time, and to choose more weight-loss-friendly places to go out to--and if he is on your side, he'll try. But you still need to know what to do when things don't work out that way.
So, you need to have a strong amount of RESOLVE so that when faced with spaghetti you stop at one bowl. Or when faced with garlic bread, you cut a piece in half and only eat half. Or when you go out to a Chinese place, you order foods that are better--string beans, peel & eat shrimp, mixed vegetables in white sauce--and only eat part of what's brought. The rest can be taken home or simply tossed out. White rice? skip it.
I know this is terrifically hard! I've been in a similar situation, but no one is actually putting the food into your mouth except you. Life is full of these situations, and we just need to learn how to cope with them.
Thanks for listening. I need to get more water. I'm so puffy my eyes are nearly shut and my fingers are so swollen I can barely type!
Yes, drink more water. And congrats on the 10 pound loss so far
I think many of us have been in the same boat. I was, too. Always tempted by this food and that food, mostly by family. Then one day I finally decided it was time to take back my control. I just said to myself this is MY body and it's MY choice what to put into it.
It wasn't easy, mind you. I mean, obtaining that kind of an attitude is definitely way easier said than done. But it CAN be done. I just started saying NO. Plus I told the people around me (all of my evil temptresses, LOL) that I'm watching what I eat and I'd appreciate it if they'd respect my space and not shove food at me all the time. Believe it or not, that worked. Sometimes all you have to do is speak up, whether you think they'll listen or not. Now everyone knows NOT to take it personal if I don't eat a particular food they've prepared, they just leave me be.
As far as cooking at home, I fix myself totally different meals than I fix for my partner and son. They have their food, I have mine.
I know it may be difficult to do but I got my husband on board with what I'm doing.
A couple months ago, I told him I'm going to exercise every day. So I exercised every day. A few weeks ago, I was procrastinating, he asks me, "are you going to exercise?" So I got up and exercised.
A couple months ago (again), I told my hubby that I only wanted to eat out once per week so that is what we have been doing. If I go out some other time during the week due to work, then he is fine with going out with his coworkers for lunch to fulfill his going out need.
A few weeks ago, I informed him that I am changing my diet a bit. I'm still going to cook his meals as they are but I'm going to make a slightly different meal plan for myself. He is fine with that and it has been working. I also told him that I am no longer going to wait for him to come home to have dinner. He will sometimes come home at 6, sometimes 8 or 9. I will still sit and talk to him while he is eating but if it is after my dinner time then he is the only one eating.
Anyway, I think maybe a good discussion is in order with your husband? Tell him what you are trying to do and why. Try to reassure him that you don't need him to change what he is doing but you need his support for what you are doing.
You need to sit him down and have a talk with him. Tell him you appreciate his thinking of you and preparing the delicious spaghetti or in taking everyone out, but that you're really wanting to lose weight and you love those foods so much but they're what helped you get to the point of needing to lose the weight in the first place, and that you really need to avoid them. Ask him to try and think of healthier alternatives next time, perhaps include you in on the planning so that everyone can eat healthier and you can continue getting healthy.
And make sure to switch any spaghetti/pasta in the house with whole wheat for the future.
I agree with the other posters. Sit him down and talk to him, explain to him what you are doing and why. Tell him what happens when he brings this food home, or you eat the food he expects you to eat. I also make myself different meals, but because i don't eat meat and poultry and everyone else does in my family, but sometimes I don't, tonight I am making black bean soup, I just won't add the rice, only eat 2 tortillas, and use fat free sourcream. I do all the shopping in the house,so junk food is gone, When hubby brings home something fattening, I won't eat it, I walk away, if it is left over the next day, I must admit I throw it out, because no one is going to eat it, and I don't want it.
I hope you can find a solution to this, I love Pasta also, but have stopped eating it, because it doesn't agree with me, and makes me hungrier when I eat it. I made 3 bowls of pasta sauce from scratch that is in my freezer, I hate to throw it out, but it will go.
cheryl
Yes, it's hard to be the only one in the house working on weight. I know it's hard, but portion control will be your best strategy. There's actually nothing wrong with (whole wheat) pasta - it's a very healthy food (sauces can be another story!). The damage is done when you overdo it. Decide beforehand on your limit, portion it out, and then (the hard part!) stick with it. Really, we can't expect our SO's habits to change just because ours do (it's great when they do, but that's bonus), so we kind of have to learn to do this within the family context.
What I like to do is to grab something small before I go out, since it seems I can ALWAYS find something to gorge myself on at any restaurant. That way even if I get something TOTALLY unhealthy, I don't quite pack it away the way I used to.
I used to think it was a waste of money though, to eat before I go out, but I think it's worth it to not be feeling guilty about what I put into me and then uncomfortably full as well.
Good Job on the water intake. I always forget and thanks to you I'll go and get some right now!
Tam
Next time you either find he's fixed spaghetti or takes you out, start off with a large glass of water and a large salad before digging into your meal. It'll help you eat less of the weightier foods.
I think these little surprises he brings on you are kind of inevitable, and to not indulge in them a bit is like torture. Personally, I think when you feel the alert go off in your head about these things, just tell yourself you're going to have it, but not over indulge. When you get your spaghetti, which isn't a sin to have, have a bowl of it. Have your piece of bread with it.
When you go out to that chinese restaurant, get your favorite foods on one plate (not stacked, of course, but don't go skimpy), and let yourself indulge.
I personally think no certain food made me fat. It was past the reasonable amount that made me fat.
Why can't I just say "NO!" to my hubby?
I agree with the other posters. Sit him down and talk to him, explain to him what you are doing and why. Tell him what happens when he brings this food home, or you eat the food he expects you to eat. I also make myself different meals, but because i don't eat meat and poultry and everyone else does in my family, but sometimes I don't, tonight I am making black bean soup, I just won't add the rice, only eat 2 tortillas, and use fat free sourcream. I do all the shopping in the house,so junk food is gone, When hubby brings home something fattening, I won't eat it, I walk away, if it is left over the next day, I must admit I throw it out, because no one is going to eat it, and I don't want it.
