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Do your dating standards go up as weight comes down?

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Old 04-19-2007, 09:26 AM   #1
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Question Do your dating standards go up as weight comes down?

Its something that I've been thinking about for the past week -

You know how research/studies say that people are attracted to others that are a similar level on attractiveness scale to themselves...well as you lose weight I believe that how you rate your own attractiveness goes up, so do you find that the men you are interested in/think attractive changes? Do you rate more handsome men as more obtainable now that you weigh less? Do you discount overweight men now because it comes across as not caring about themselves when you have invested the time in yourself?
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Old 04-19-2007, 09:34 AM   #2
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Honestly,
My standards have always been the same. If I was attracted to someone and they weren't attracted to me doesn't mean I'd go and date guys that I wasn't necessarily attracted to but they were attracted to me. I also am really attracted to brainy guys so it has to be a mix of looks and brains for me If they are gorgeous but aren't very smart, they aren't attractive to me.

I've never dated an overweight guy and I would say in general I'm not attracted to overweight men. I don't know what would happen if I had met a nice, smart overweight man at some point in my life.
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Old 04-19-2007, 09:53 AM   #3
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I think part of the reason I gained weight and binge ate was because I was avoiding getting into another relationship. I basically hid behind food and wouldn't go out and meet people like I used to. I think I got discouraged after a bad break up and then a long time of looking and finding people that I didnt think were quality enough. So I started eating as a past time/soother, whatever.

In that sense, I guess I felt like I wasn't going to attract anyone I was attracted to - like I didnt' deserve someone that was up to my previous standards? I lost my confidence and that is something that I am starting to regain finally. My friends used to always comment on how confident I was - it was just an assumption I made that I was great and only some people were worthy of being with me. Over time, I sort of lost it. But I'm feeling it again and I will have it completely back soon. I can't wait!
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Old 04-19-2007, 09:56 AM   #4
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see and i'm the opposite... my current husband is a big huge guy and is very overweight... and i like him that way! as i get thinner we fit better and better and i'm still thrilled he's the way he is.

so i gotta say over the years i've been thin i've been fat and i've been in-between and it never altered what I liked about a partner.
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Old 04-19-2007, 10:12 AM   #5
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Not for me. I like dorky guys-not Abercrombe-surfer-GQ type of guys-no matter what my weight. I go for the guy in the camo cargo shorts, Star Wars shirt, and Converse All Stars instead.

I also prefer dark hair and dark eyes over blonde and blue...I have never, ever been attracted to blonde, blue eyed men. Ever.

I don't ever go for the COOL guys-because honestly, I would rather watch Star Wars or Harry Potter than some big box office smash. I would rather sit and home with a glass of wine and play a nerdy trivia board game, instead of dressing up and going to a hot nightclub. I would rather sit and have an espresso and talk, or go to a nerdy convention than go to some cool hang out.

I also like men who worship me, rather than the type who are macho, or are players, etc. so I tend to go for the dorky side, yet AGAIN.

I married a dork, and we are blissfully happy. He has 2 college degrees, is a great and HILARIOUS dad, he worships me completely, lets me pretty much do whatever I want when I want, and we have very similar interests. We share a love for gourmet coffee, nerdy stuff, we both collect toys, and do other nerdy things together. It's great! I wouldn't change it for anything.

Even if I looked like a supermodel, I wouldn't change from dorks to cooler/hotter guys. No way. I've got it made. I try to tell friends who have had bad luck with men to stop going for the macho/cool type-and to get themselves a nerd, but alas, they won't listen....

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Old 04-19-2007, 10:32 AM   #6
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It's too bad your friends don't want to listen to you, Aphil. My FIRST husband was one of those *cool, macho-types*. I got him through college -even got him a master's degree by doing all his assignments for him; he could scarcely read much past a sixth-grade level. He, of course, had no trouble with oral exams - he was "Mr. Personality", and could talk unceasingly on just about any subject at all. Surprisingly, it took awhile before you realized he didn't have a CLUE what he was talking about. He's now a middle school principal. What does THAT tell you about our public school systems????
Suffice it to say that my marriage to him consisted of ME trying my best to maintain HIS image. And the WORST thing about him was that he had no sense of humor, whatsoever. I can't EVER remember him laughing about anything. I was actually skinny all the time we were married, because he was very critical of how I looked.
NOW I am married to a "nerd". He's an attractive nerd, to be sure, but he designs software for a living (You know how those "techies" are...) and after hours is an artist and writer. (A REAL intellectual as opposed to one of the faux persuasion.) He unabashedly loves ME, laughs with me, and makes ME feel good about myself. I sometimes have to pinch myself to remind myself that this isn't all a dream.
Of course I became SO comfortable with him that I gained weight (he loves to eat, darn it) but that's the only downside, and now that I've found 3FC, I'm taking care of that problem.
So, do our standards in men change as we lose weight and feel that we are becoming more attractive? I TRULY HOPE NOT. I truly hope that each and every woman here on 3FC who isn't married and would like to be at some point, WILL take your advice, Aphil. It will save her a lot of unneccessary anguish, don't you think?

Have a lovely day, all!

Ella
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Old 04-19-2007, 10:34 AM   #7
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Quote:
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Not for me. I like dorky guys-not Abercrombe-surfer-GQ type of guys-no matter what my weight. I go for the guy in the camo cargo shorts, Star Wars shirt, and Converse All Stars instead.

I also prefer dark hair and dark eyes over blonde and blue...I have never, ever been attracted to blonde, blue eyed men. Ever.
I wouldn't call DH dorky.... I call him super freaky geeky Although he says the same thing about me. I was always attracted to the slim, tall geek with dark eyes and dark hair. DH was actually the only blonde man I ever dated but he had the tall slim geek thing going so I was in love
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Old 04-19-2007, 10:51 AM   #8
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Actually, no. I've always fallen for the "nice guy" and that's who I'm with now. I met him the day I hit my goal weight and my friends always tell me I would've picked him no matter what my weight- in other words, he's just my kind of guy
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Old 04-19-2007, 11:42 AM   #9
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Ella-my nerd is an attractive one, too-but not because he *tried* to be. Sprucing up for him is using men's shower gel instead of soap. He isn't like one of those guys who goes and gets his hair highlighted and goes to the tanning bed.

I kinda have a thing about that...I won't date/marry a guy who takes longer to get ready than I do...and I can't be with a guy who is "prettier" than me-as in the highlights/tanning/teeth whitening thing. Yes, a man shoudl take care of himself, but when he has as many hair products as a woman does...it is a little much for ME.
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Old 04-19-2007, 11:42 AM   #10
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I can understand that for people already in a relationship then their views will be pretty much I liked them then, I like them now, I'm happy. I'm wondering though about the single gals out there...is it different?

I know personally that I find now that I get attention from a wider group of males now and maybe people that I would have discounted before I lost weight now enter into my mind...whether that is because of confidence, perceived attractivness or whatever. Just wondering if its a common thing...
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Old 04-19-2007, 11:46 AM   #11
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I'm married, so it's kind of hard to say. I do notice that I'm a little more critical of the way he eats now. I don't make comments or anything because he's just not ready the way I am to make a profound change in his lifestyle.

My husband is just barely overweight; he's never been 'fat' like me. But I would have to say that I would love him regardless of his weight -- he's always loved me, no matter how heavy I was/am.
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Old 04-19-2007, 11:49 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ellabella View Post
NOW I am married to a "nerd". He's an attractive nerd, to be sure, but he designs software for a living (You know how those "techies" are...) and after hours is an artist and writer. (A REAL intellectual as opposed to one of the faux persuasion.) He unabashedly loves ME, laughs with me, and makes ME feel good about myself. I sometimes have to pinch myself to remind myself that this isn't all a dream.
Its funny because this is my fiancee hehe To a tee.

I think that my standards did change when I lost weight.. I didnt meet him until I lost the weight

I used to go for the *hot* blue collared -bad boy types.. you know the ones that treat you like less because they are so self absorbed. Well yeah..

Once I started to love myself more I realized that I deserved better so... I was single forever because I swore off the losers, then I met Kevin.

Hes educated, good looking, tall, and hes a big dork who is into computers and thats what he does for a living.. on the other hand hes a singer/songwriter and he has tattoos and piercings ( which is a major turn on for me) Basically hes a nice guy that just looks like a bad boy. Hes like Aphils husband.. he worships me, I have anything and everything I could ever need and want.. he makes me laugh, and our conversations are endless and intellectual. No wonder why I am going to marry him YaY!


Edited to say: Does anyone know where I can find a t-shirt that says.. " I <3 Nerds" lol.. I told him I was going to get one just for him.. haha.. I figured since alot of us have nerdy men someone is bound to either have.. or know where to find these. I have seen people with them, but Ive never seen them in the store.
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Old 04-19-2007, 11:54 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ready2ShedLBS View Post
hes a big dork who is into computers and thats what he does for a living..
Quote:
Originally Posted by ellabella View Post
NOW I am married to a "nerd". He's an attractive nerd, to be sure, but he designs software for a living (You know how those "techies" are...)
Hey! Thats what I do too....hmm maybe I'm a dork too
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Old 04-19-2007, 11:55 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by finn View Post
I can understand that for people already in a relationship then their views will be pretty much I liked them then, I like them now, I'm happy. I'm wondering though about the single gals out there...is it different?

I know personally that I find now that I get attention from a wider group of males now and maybe people that I would have discounted before I lost weight now enter into my mind...whether that is because of confidence, perceived attractivness or whatever. Just wondering if its a common thing...
Well I'm not at my goal weight but when I was dating, my weight ranged from 260 (lows when I dieted in high school and college) to 360. I was always attracted to the good looking, slim, tall, geeky guys. I never was disinterested in someone because I thought they wouldn't be interested in me. Even if the guys I was interested in weren't interested in me, it wasn't like I'd "settle" for someone who was different than my standards. I was much happier not dating at all than dating someone who didn't live up to my standards. I even had a friend tell me once I was too picky.

I don't know if that makes sense?
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Old 04-19-2007, 12:02 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ready2ShedLBS View Post
Edited to say: Does anyone know where I can find a t-shirt that says.. " I <3 Nerds" lol.. I told him I was going to get one just for him.. haha.. I figured since alot of us have nerdy men someone is bound to either have.. or know where to find these. I have seen people with them, but Ive never seen them in the store.
Here are a few... (not nerd but geek)
http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts/ladies/5c8a/
http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts/ladies/5981/

They also used to have panties that said the same thing but I can't find them.
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