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Old 03-06-2007, 06:38 AM   #1
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I am so tired of my mom. I'm sitting here looking for diet and weigt lifting information at 6 in the morning, and she comes in here asking me if I want to go to school. She asks me every morning. She asks me hoping I don't want to go to school.

Why? Because she doesn't want to drive me. It's 5 miles away.

She says I'm inconsiderate because I don't want to ride the bus. Riding the bus takes about an hour longer. And I don't want to because it takes more time and because the kids on it are ignorant and because I feel uncomfortable doing so.

How hard is it to drive me 5 miles?

That is why I want to leave here. Not because of that. But because everyday is a compiliation of small petty things like that. She complains and verbally abuses me because she doesn't want to do anything for anyone. And my dad works his butt off everyday of his life to support our family and she won't keep a job for any length of time. She sits home and watches soap operas, and complains when my dad asks her to get a job for little while. I'm looking for a job right now.

And I'm so tired of this. I'm trying to do what I have to do. I'm trying to eat right and exercise and get info on weight lifting. I'm trying to better my life. I'm trying to do all these things while I wait for the day when I can leave this house because of her.

And she complains because she has to take me to school for a 5 minute drive.

And all I can do it try to be better than her...and I just end up being told I'm inconsiderate and fat and all those things. And the only consolidation is that "she didn't mean it". Well? That's ridiculous.
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Old 03-06-2007, 07:05 AM   #2
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Hey Gamer. Well, I could tell you an old-fart story about how when *I* was young, no one ever drove *me* to school and I had to walk blah blah blah. But I'm not going to--besides it wasn't 5 miles. Only 1. In winter in the snow.

These are the kinds of difficulties people face in family life, sorry to say. What it has to do with losing weight is that we can't let these upsetting things "make" us eat. That's a pattern that can be sooooo hard to break, but break it we must!

Good luck! Stay with your eating plan! Let the rest roll off as much as you can!

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Old 03-06-2007, 07:14 AM   #3
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I have similar stories when I was growing up. I would be at a friends house late at night, around 10 or 11 pm and I would ask me dad to come pick me up, maybe a 4 minute ride and he would say no. And I would walk home in the pitch dark and be terrified. I got lots of stories like that. We all do. I know that doesn't make YOU feel any better. Just wanted you to know that you are not alone.

I think the best thing you can do is to block your mom's complaints out. Just ignore them. Hard to do, but what other choice do you have? Go on doing what YOU have to do regardless of what she does or doesn't do.
Would it be better for you and easier for you if she was more giving and less lazy? Ummm - yeah. But she's not. You have just got to make the best of it. You are your own person. You just keep on keeping on. Hang in there.
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Old 03-06-2007, 07:26 AM   #4
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Hey - could you cycle to school? It's not a lot on a bike. Then you'd be getting exercise and out of the house....
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Old 03-06-2007, 07:34 AM   #5
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I tottally know where your coming from, and im dreading getting my license soon because like my sister before me, they will make me go EVERYWHERE. They never want to leave the house. Ugh. Somtimes I just hate my mom.
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Old 03-06-2007, 08:51 AM   #6
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I was going to suggest cycling also but 2frustrated beat me to it. Really, its an excellent idea. Maybe wouldn't work in all weather, but might make your mom feel you're at least trying to give her a break part of the time.
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Old 03-06-2007, 09:00 AM   #7
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I feel for you. Yes, all of us have some type of story just like yours, but that doesn't make you feel any better in the meantime. It sucks, and there's just no way around it. My thought, too, was the cycling, especially with you living in Florida. Another thought might be carpooling? Do you have a friend who drives herself to school that would be willing to swing by and pick you up? After you do get a job, you might be able to offer that friend $5-$10 per week towards gas for coming to get you....just a thought. I totally understand the longer trip riding the bus. When I was a kid, I was the first stop in the morning, and the last stop in the evening, as the bus reversed the routes from am to pm. An hour and fifteen minutes on the bus, and I literally lived 3 miles from school. I still don't quite get it 20 years later! Just know that we are all thinking of you, and hope the situation gets better!
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Old 03-06-2007, 09:46 AM   #8
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Gamer, I had a horrendous relationship with my mother when I was growing up. Got along better with my father, but bottom line was that SHE called the shots. My advice to you? No matter how excruciating it is, tell yourself (over and over and as many times as is neccessary) that this is a very temporary stage in your life. It doesn't seem like it now, but I absolutely promise that there will come a time - much sooner than you think - when you'll be looking back on it all with what I hope is a lot of relief. The relief will come if you do everything possible to improve your life over the LONG term, rather than looking for short-term fixes. LONG term means a healthy, happy adulthood, hopefully with a caring and compatible partner, and again, hopefully, a rewarding career - or doing something that you're happy doing. So, don't let your mother upset you to the point where you feel like your diet doesn't matter, that your schoolwork is just another hassle....you know what I mean. The present is pretty grim for you right now. I don't think anything miraculous is going to happen to suddenly change your mother, or change the family dynamic. Take care of YOU - do what you need to do for YOU, so that when it's time to move on out, you'll have the tools you need to do it with. Get yourself looking the way you want to look, and build in as many stepping stones for yourself as you can - education, etc. You CAN do it! Come here and gripe whenever you need to! Just keep on keeping on, you know? Don't let your mother's issues get in the way of where YOU want to go and who YOU want to be.

Take good care,

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Old 03-06-2007, 11:23 AM   #9
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We moved to a different city several years ago and my kids chose to stay at their old schools. At that time, there was no problem because my job was very close to both of those schools--I just had to find after school activities to keep them busy until I was off of work.
Then I quit my job. I drove 18 miles each way at least twice a day for a year and a half. Some days, due to their schedules and my own, I would drive the route 3 times per day. I rarely complained. I love my kids.
DS has since changed schools (he was moving to middle school so it wasn't a bad move) and DD got her driver's license, so I don't have to do it any longer. DS could take the bus, but I usually drive him--his new school is near my new job, but there are days when my lunch hour is used to pick him up from school, take him home and drop him off, and then go back to work.
I personally can't imagine why a parent would not want to help out their own children.
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Old 03-06-2007, 12:49 PM   #10
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It sounds like your mom is much like mine - she was very abusive (verbally), not very interested in my life at all, and let my poor dad do everything. At the same time, she would always accuse me of being lazy. For example, I went shopping almost every single day, but for some reason she always claimed that I rarely did - especially when my dad was home, because she wanted it to sound like SHE did it all the time. In many other ways, we didn't get along at all.

My advice to you is, I know it's difficult, but try not to let it make you too angry. Being angry at a parent is the worst kind of anger, because when it comes to our parents, we never really stop being little 5 year old kids - so that anger may result in really childish reactions that really only hurt ourselves in the end. My mom is still mean sometimes when I call her, but I've kind of accepted with time that my mom is the way she is, and not the way I wish she were. It's easier said than done, because I think we all feel that we have some kind of right to have great, loving parents. But I've given up on using all my energy on trying to change the mom I have into the mom I want. It's too bad - but she is who she is, and I just have to get on with the rest of my own life.
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Old 03-06-2007, 01:05 PM   #11
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Maybe mom is depressed. Or going thru menopause. Or whatever.

Still, you have to do what you have to do, & that may very well include ignoring your mother's hurtful comments & getting on track by yourself. That might include taking the bus to school. Yes, I remember the bus. It sucked ***! but until I was old enough to drive & get a job & my own transportation, I had to wing it like everyone else.

As for your diet & so forth, sometimes focusing on something like that can help take your mind off other problems. Keep coming here for support - I promise you there's lots of it here!

And ya know what else? Don't be afraid of something just because it's hard. If it were easy, we'd all do it.

So go at life full speed ahead. YOU CAN DO IT!
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Old 03-06-2007, 01:12 PM   #12
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Sounds like you don't want to interact with anyone on the bus.....they are all "ignorant" and make you uncomfortable.

You can use that extra hour to your advantage....studying, reading, whatever and the *bonus* is that it's an extra hour you DON'T have to spend with your mother (who obviously irritates you)......

Why should your mother HAVE to drive you to school when your parents pay for bus transportation through their taxes?
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Old 03-06-2007, 01:16 PM   #13
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Gamerchick, I don't really have advice, I'm sorry, but I wanted to tell you that I'm truly sorry that you have to deal with that. And I admire you for sticking to your goals, looking up information about how to get healthier, and coming here to post for support. You know what to do to reach your goals, and you're doing it even without your mother's support. That's VERY admirable. Keep coming here, and we'll give you the support you're missing.

As a teacher, by the way, it seriously freaks me out that your mother would rather you not go to school than drive you there. I don't know your mother, but I have to tell you that I really don't understand parents who aren't interested in their children's education!!! Just know that whatever your mother is going through, you can be strong enough to make the right choices on your own, and it'll make you even stronger as you get older because you'll be used to doing what's right for you!

And here's a hug!!
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Old 03-06-2007, 02:37 PM   #14
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Well, I'm going to get rides from my friend from school to home from now on and pay him 5 dollars a week for gas money. I'm sure someone can take me in the morning.

I just find it so petty of my mom. I've always hated her my entire life. She's just not a good mom, despite what is going on in her life. It's not depression or anything, she's just selfish and I know that.

As for me, I'm trying to do well. The past 2 days I've done bad on my diet and today didn't go so well, but I'm going to try to do the rest of the day well and get the information on weight lifting.

Thanks for your support. And I've asked my parents if I could walk, but I don't live in a very good area for walking. Kidnappings and the such.
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Old 03-06-2007, 06:47 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JayEll View Post
Hey Gamer. Well, I could tell you an old-fart story about how when *I* was young, no one ever drove *me* to school and I had to walk blah blah blah. But I'm not going to--besides it wasn't 5 miles. Only 1. In winter in the snow.
You forgot barefoot and uphill!

I was gonna say the same about the walking then saw your last comment about it being a bad area. I dunno. Exactly how bad? Can you walk WITH anyone? All I do know is that I walked nearly 3 miles to school many times, and the last leg of it was STRAIGHT UP a hill. We live in the mountains of WV. Hint: Walking uphill in pumps is easier than tennies because your feet are level as you go up. Walking downhill in pumps is a real biotch.

I know that as a mom, your complaints sound sooooo very familiar. Now not on the verbal abuse part. But my daughter whined and complained, and actually called it abuse, for my not driving her slightly over one mile to school. Buses wouldn't run for anything under 2 miles. Now if the weather was bad, I'd drive her. But I worked, and we were on different schedules. It would mean I'd take her, then go back home and finish getting ready for work. And sometimes I even rode my bike the 1 1/2 miles to work, so I really didn't feel the least bit sorry for her. Even though she thought that both my making her walk/ride her bike, AND making her switch to diet soda instead of regular, was like THE worst forms of abuse known to man. She was 15. Sometimes kids DON'T know everything. Don't know if that applies here or not. But sit back and consider it objectively and look for alternatives.
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