[JayEll]

Reddalice Love ya, keep on going!

Jay

[cajungal328]

I think you are a very good person for wanting your friend to be healthy and happy, and for wanting only the best for her. But IMO, it must be a decision she makes on he own. She has to want it more than anything else, and no amount of browbeating her is going to make her want this before she is ready. The desire to make such a commitment has to come from within herself. No amount of telling her your concerns and worries, or begging her to join you is going to make her want this for herself. She, and only she, can make that choice, the choice to live a good and healthy life. Now if you tell her anything, tell her that you are worried about her health, and that you will be here to help her when she is ready. Until then, you will not pressure her anymore to lose weight, becuase you know how it feels to be pressured.

We have all been fat, right? Nobody wants to be fat. Nobody likes being fat. Whether it be 50 lbs or 250 lbs overweight, we have all been there. Nobody knows better than we do how it feels to be browbeaten by friends and family to lose weight (even when we want to, but don't know how), no matter how good their intentions were, it always felt more like they were rubbing in the fact that "I am fat", rather than inspire me to "get thin", you know what I mean? But when we had enough of looking in the mirror and seeing Tubby the Whale, we decided it was time to make a change. For some, the change of lifestyle and diet is easier than others. Some people are so addicted to their way of life, no matter how unhealthy it may be, that it will be nearly impossible for them to change. People like this, it will take every ounce of strangth they have.

My advice to you, is to continue to lose weight, and maybe seeing your success will inspire her to succeed as well, maybe even reach out to you for help. But you must be patient and wait until she is ready to make this major commitment. I mean, losing 160 lbs will be no small task, that is going to take a MAJOR commitment. She has to be serious about it, and want it for herself, and not want it for you.

PS... NO JOGGING!!! I'm not even 200 lbs, and I can't even jog yet. OMG, if that doesn't kill her, it will surely discourage her..... Maybe a slow - moderately paced walk would be a better choice for her....

[Reddalice]

^-~ Gotchya. Its okay if we hit rock bottom at different points. She'll have her turn, maybe not now, but in her own time- and I'll be there for her if she needs me.

[samanthaf63]

One of my very best friends wore a size 30/32 and is 5'4". At the time, I wore a 22 and am 5'. Obviously, we were fat together.

She started a diet I gave up years previously (and had told her about and got her started on) and began losing gobs of weight. I had moved to another project so I didn't see her as this happened but of course she kept me posted. Over the course of the next couple of years (and the death of her husband), she dropped to a small and I rose to a size 24. I saw her again when I flew out for a weekend, and she was so thin I didn't even recognize her! I was very excited for her, of course and wished it was me, but that was that. And like your friend, I'm subject to depression.

She's in an extra small now and I've finally dropped to a size 20 with designs to get to a size 16 (although now I'm thinking a 14 might be nice). I know she's very excited for me and I am concerned she's gone a little off the deep end (extra small is way too small for her, IMHO) but I understand her push and drive.

I never resented her for her successful weight loss, and so far, she's kept it off at least two years. We talk about dieting and weight loss all the time but she never preaches to me. Fortunately, she loves me too much to push something that I apparently need to do at my own pace.

So just keep on being you - you never know when she'll change her mind and say "this is it!" and do what she needs to do. I do not suggest anything as drastic as jogging or walking. I use Body Flex, a system that seems to work particularly well for larger ladies since it is low to no impact on the joints. It's about weird breathing and a few yoga positions as well as a resistance bar that we ladies over 40 so desperately need. It could be something you do together (you'll laugh over the really silly faces you make) and does not require any special clothing - whatever is comfortable will do. You don't need a lot of space to do it - there's usually plenty of room in the living room for a couple of chairs in front of the television.

Since you'd both be new at it, she might not feel as intimidated as a more "physical" regimen would be. You can find them pretty cheap on ebay these days.

I hope this helps!