OMG ive been so bad today! lets see. i started out realy well, fruit and whatnot. then the rest of the day happend.
2. Hot chocolate
3. ANOTHER Smore
4. a Stromboli ( soo much grease and cheese):
5. more hot chocolate (oh the marshmellows)
6. dinner, pasta with a butter sauce (my arteries were crying)
7. Chinese food (double cooked pork and white rice)
i dont know what got into me today. i felt bad about everything i did. (but the chinese was oooh so good) im usually so aware of what i do. but ...i dont know. im freking out. ive just recently commited to myself to get healthy and if i cant make it very long without breaking like this, im not sure how im gonna make it through.
its so tough, my friends and whatnot dont want to take me seriously. every time i say i dont want something that i deem unhealthy, they just flop their hands at me and go "pphht". they just blow it off like im blowing hot air.
its so hard to get them to see. my best friends are both thin and look good. they have never been fat, ever , i have been all my life. i cant make them understand. both of them have the metabolism of my dreams. tehy dont think twice about what they eat or how healthy it is. im trying to be so good. but the trouble is all around me, work, school, home. rrrrrrrr its so frustrating! talk me down...ooooy vay!
i want to explain it to them but im sooo embaressed about it. you know, they dont understand, and i dont want to make a fool of myself. ive mentioned it befor briefly, but they just wave me off and tell me its nothing that i need to worry about. that i look fine, but you know, i dont look fine, and i dont feel fine and i cant make them understand it. sometimes rick, one of my best friends, will make comments about heavy people on tv and stuff like that, calling them ugly and fat. i want to smack him and he never understands why i get so defensive. he says im ' not fat like them' but , thats not the point, and well...it feels hopeless.
oy vay...i cant seem to win. ::sigh::