FOOD MENTIONED SEVERAL TIMES
So I've been doing South Beach for 5.5 weeks now and have been generally feeling great, and committed, and lost 10 pounds.
Was really happy. Am really happy. For the first 4 weeks I did not cheat even one single iota. BUT. The primary reason I didn't cheat is because I'm a bit of an all-or-nothing person. I knew that once I cheated even a little, it would be a slippery slope. If I can avoid things all together, I'm ok. If I give a little, I tend to give a lot (this is the reason I have not even had a single puff of a cigarette since I quit smoking a year ago). Unfortunately, food is harder to avoid than cigarettes, and I'm finding this journey a lot more difficult!
A week and a half ago my boss took a client and me out to lunch at an Indian restaurant. I did the best I could, but obviously didn't do very well because I felt HORRIBLE afterwards (think sheer exhaustion, killer headache). I then went home and after dinner, proceeded to eat 4 desserts. Plus a piece of bread at dinner that wasn't in the plan. My desserts were all South-Beach friendly (I had two servings of homemade pb cookies, a SF fudgesicle, and SF pudding), but still. I hadn't binged like that since I before I started!!
I got myself back on track, but now I feel I'm slipping again. I had to go out of town for work yesterday and had little choice in my food. I managed to eat a ham, mushroom, cheese omelet for breakfast (SB friendly, although it was a bit oily) but then ate half a slice of (I'm sure) non-SB friendly bread. Lunch was breaded, stuffed chicken breasts with salad and vegetables. I was starving at this point and the veggies and salad alone would not have filled me up. Then I caved and ate a 1/2" sliver of brownie. And a 1x1" square of butter tart. And it wasn't worth it. For dinner I had caesar salad w/o croutons, 3 giant prawns, a bacon wrapped scallop, and "steamed" asparagus (in quotations because they were drenched in oil, so I only had 3 stalks). I also had a small piece of sourdough bread. But I didn't eat dessert, although everyone else did and they tried their best to tempt me.
I was feeling crappy about that, but then consoled myself by thinking that normally I would have eaten two desserts at lunch, french toast, eggs, and bacon for breakfast, and pasta, two pieces of bread, and definitely dessert at dinner. So I'm doing better. I just don't feel I'm living up to my own expectations, you know?
Tonight I got home from work and was EXHAUSTED and did NOT want to cook (even though I had a meal plan), so bf made me a grilled cheese sandwich, cottage cheese, and green beans. Not bad. But after he left to jam with his band, I ate four desserts again. Two servings pb cookies, two SF fudgesicles. Oh yeah, the first time I did this was also when he was gone for the evening. I won't do it in front of him.
Before he left, we made plans to go to our favorite pizza place for dinner tomorrow. Although he's been very supportive, he told me he misses going for dinner with me (we used to go every week and eat WELL). I agree. And I was thinking that I need to learn to give a little without giving up. The pizza place is authentic Italian, so very thin crust pizza with sugar-free tomato sauce (basically just tomatoes). Not the worst I could do... But now I'm wondering if I'll just sabotage myself further.
I'm so scared to slip back to where I was. I really want to lose this weight, but it has taken over my life. It's all I think about, talk about, care about. And to tell you the truth, I want my life back.
Any advice? Suggestions? Should I cancel tomorrow? How do I get myself back on track? Should I go back to Phase I again for a week?
Feeling frustrated and very confused.