Sunday night I had this huge charity dinner honoring some good friends. Cost $200 bucks a couple. I felt that I must attend. There were plenty of my other good friends there as well.
I planned for this dinner all week long, keeping my calories low so I could eat a bit more then usual Sunday night. The day of the event I ate 1/2 my usual breakfast, 1/2 my ususal lunch and only 1 snack.
First part of the evening is a huge, beyond belief buffet with every food you can think of and then some. I had 2 bites of eggplant lasagne (one of my favs). I had 3 pieces of veggie sushi and then I found these delicious roasted veggies. I had 6 asparagus spears and 1 strip of red pepper.
Okay, then we head to the ballroom for the main event. There is a eurpopean salad with turkey breast at each place setting. SALAD DRESSING ON THE SIDE. I'm in heaven. I eat the whole salad without dressing. Then comes over an hour and a half of BORING speeches. My friends get their award, the people we drove with wants to go, so we go. Never ate the main dinner. As we're headed out downstairs they're setting up the buffet for dessert. At this point I feel like I haven't eaten as much as I had planned for. So I took 5 different desserts and had a total of 7 bites. 7 bites. My friend looks at me in disbelief that I'm eating dessert and actually says so. Whatever. Did I mention I had just 7 bites?
She just calls me and says to me "so did you get over your dessert fiasco from the other night?" I'm like what?????? I was so taken aback. So I go into the whole story of how I was planning, you know what I basically just told you guys, but not in as much detail. I really was disgusted.
This is my closest friend in the world. She really has been very supportive of me. But I can't believe what she said to me and that I had to defend myself over my eating choices. She by the way ate like there was no tomorrow and I didn't say one word. It's not my place to. So why did she think it was okay to comment on my eating? GRRR.
Anyone else experience anything like this? And what do you do about it?
I know and understand , people even best friends can be PITAs and say the stoopidest things specially if they've never been on a diet or healthy lifestyle plan... Take her comment with a grain of salt ( I know, I know, very difficult) and move on BUT know that you did the right thing in the circumstance you were in...
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Falling down is not failure....Failure is staying down.
God Robin you better take back those seven bites!! some people just dont understand that It is okay to have something special on special occasions. Even if you are "on a diet"
At my training this week I gravitate towards the fruit and veggie table while my friend goes to the cookies, yesterday with the bananas gone, I had a nutragrain bar (the apples are too big to eat in a 10 minute break) she made some comment about it. I just ignored the comment and went on. I have put out there that I am trying to be healthy, so please no candy and cookies. So now I guess my food will be scrutinized by the people I told.
I bet she's insecure and jealous that you allowed yourself dessert with restraint. Did she not have any at all and DENY herself the dessert?
Friends often become insecure when we're losing weight because they feel (subconsiously) that the group hierarchy is going to change, and people don't like change. Nuh-uh. But I'd say, try and perhaps talk to her and tell her that it was a horrible thing to say, and then put it behind you. If it happens again, well maybe it's worth thinking about, but perhaps she was feeling guilty if she ate more than 1 dessert and was trying to get you to own up so you could both moan about how much dessert you ate
People watch my food all the time. They comment if it's low fat or weird or healthy ... they comment if it's ridiculous desserts .... can't win.
Apparently in this day and age ... it's open season on 'known health nuts'.
Eat good food. Move yourself. Lift something.
Nothing like that has happened to me, but my sister experienced it last week. She works second shift at a bank processing center and is pretty tight with most of her co-workers. They know she's been trying to lose a couple pounds and for the most part they encourage her. Last Weds, she hadn't eaten anyting all day except for a bowl of cereal and went to Sonic and got a child's chicken tender meal. When she came back there were a group of women outside and they took one look at the bag and ragged her out bad. They said "Kelly, why are you doing this to yourself? You'll never lose weight eating junk like that and actually you look like you've gained weight to be honest". My sis was so taken aback that she threw her dinner in the trash and went to the bathroom and cried. Some people just have no tact when it comes to speaking in general... they need to atleast utilize their brain before letting the words come out. Sorry your friend was so clueless.
You know you're right Susan, now that you say it, she comments on what I eat everyday as well. We were together recently and there was some sliced pineapple and I ate a couple of bites and said the sugar was bothering me and she said something like "Maybe you should just stick to your cucumbers then" in a sarcastic kind of a way. And she's not ususally sarcastic at all. But maybe she really IS clueless and is speaking without thinking. I'm really sorry if my changes are bothering her. If her comments continue I guess I will have to say something. Yuck. Not looking forward to that conversation.
And no 2frustrated, she wasn't denying herself ANYTHING. She was getting her 200 bucks worth.
Robin, first of all, I hope you are proud of yourself for staying on track! That was awesome.
It's hard to actually know why she said what she did or possibly even what she meant by it. It's still inappropriate nonetheless. I know if a good friend said that to me, I would try to talk to them about it and ask what they meant to see if maybe what they meant by saying that was different from how I interpreted it. Or just tell them how I felt and that I didn't appreciate it and I was hurt given it came from them.
I haven't experienced this but I think it's worthwhile talking about it, explaining yourself, and allowing the other person to explain themselves. If she meant what she said inappropriately, hopefully she'll realize how rude it was and apologize to you for it. Sometimes people just don't realize.
Either way, good for you. Given the choice of deserts, 7 bites, that's super!
Maybe she was feeling "guilty" for eating cake and she thought you should be too!!! I don't know why what we eat matters so much to other people. Would you say to someone at the filling station, "Oh you're using DIESEL are you - well, I use Super-Unleaded, I'm far superior than YOU!"
And then we wonder why some of us became secret eaters!!! Gee whiz, some people are just crying out to be told "mind your own effing business"! I can't believe those coworkers, Alora199.
rockinrobin, some people just get overly involved in their friends' stuff. Your friend sounds like one of these people. It's like you're her adopted child or something. You may need to tell her--in a kindly, friendly way, since she's your friend--that you'd rather she not monitor your food so much or make comments about what you're eating or not eating. Do this when you're not angry with her. She'll be taken aback, but I think this is a boundary issue. Also, don't tell her anything about foods tasting too sweet, etc., because obviously she is not that sympathetic.
Good for you on planning ahead. I planned ahead the other day and allowed myself a piece of apple pie with ice cream. It was 400 calories, and you know what? It wasn't worth it. I didn't feel good afterward. I wonder if I ever really liked eating things like that... Well, another lesson learned.
__________________ "My religion is kindness." --His Holiness the Dalai Lama
Yes JAyell, I was thinking I shouldn't have said that the sugar in the pineapple was too sweet. I left myself wide open to criticisim.
About the apple pie, I know what you mean. It's great that it feels not worth it. As far as my eating the desserts I would have much rather of eaten my dinner, but we left before it was served and I stupidly thought I was entitled to eat more calories so I ate the desserts instead. though I feel no guilt because I kept within my calorie range I really didn't enjoy it all that much. They weren't my favorite desserts, like cheesecake or rainbow cookies with the marzipan.
Your friend is obviously clueless about the whole concept of calorie counting. Regardless, I think her comment was very inappropriate. Even if you had been on a diet on which eating 7 bites of dessert would be a "violation", I think that she didn't have the right to scold you. Maybe she thought that she was just being playful, but she should have realized that this could be hurtful to you. I would make sure that she understands how you feel...before this ends up ruining a long friendship due to suppressed grudges.
I don't know what (if anything) you said to your friend, but I think I would have simply said, "What fiasco? I planned all week for this dinner and seven bites of dessert is not going to undo all of my planning. In fact, I deserve a reward every now and then for all the hard work I've been doing to get as far as I have." (Biatch.) I had a tea a few months ago and they served each of us 5 desserts. I had a bite of each, finished the ones I liked and left the rest. I didn't feel the least bit guilty, and neither should you!!!
Robin, you and everybody else can eat whatever you want whenever you want whether is a rich desert or salad. It is your business and no one else.Your friend was very rude and tactless.Sometimes people who never have a weight problem are just stupid about there remarks.And sometimes they are worried that if you are successful you my look better than they do or maybe she is worried that she should be on a diet too.I find that it is better that I do not tell anybody I am dieting, that avoids a lot of unwanted comments.