The reason is this: For the past year I've focused mainly on weightloss and exercise. Because of this focus, like many of you, I've put life on the back-burner. I know that I've gained so many things that I wouldn't ever change...weight loss, increased health, fitness, strength etc but on the negative side I've lost contact with friends, put off going on nights out, declined invitations and to be honest I've lost some social skills and my out-going-ness (if thats even a word!)
Well I signed up to play with a tag-rugby team that I found on the internet and tonight is the first meet-up in a bar in the city. I know that nobody will know eachother but its wrecking my nerves to get the courage to even think about going into the bar on my own and somehow walk up a group of people that I don't know and introduce myself.
Its hard to explain, its worse than first date nerves (not that I've had many of those!), its a group of people who didn't know the me before weight loss...who will only see the me that I present in two hours time (I'm on GMT time and its evening here). What if they don't accept me? what if they just don't like me? what if they take one look at me and go 'yeah like she could run around a pitch'? what if? what if? what if?
I will take this step and I think that it may just be the beginning of something wonderful.
I know that I need to make more friends but its hard. real hard.
finn, I'd definitely go. That sounds like a lot of fun. Think of this "what if", what if all the other members feel the same uncertainty that you do? No one is ever 100% confident of themselves in new situations. Give yourself a chance, I'm sure you'll be fine and be proud of joining the group. These other people won't know each other either, so it will be new for all of you.
Go!! Have fun! I used to think everyone else had their acts together. That I was the only one who was imperfect! Ha!!! EVERYone has some nerves, some anxiety, some shyness, some reservations....but you are going to get together with some people who are interested in the same thing as you....and you will have a blast!!
I had to do something similar. I had a business meeting across the country with associates that I had never met or even talked to on the phone. I showed up to the hotel the night before the meeting and went to the bar. There was a group sitting together talking (quite animatedly, too). I was so afraid to interrupt! Instead I sat at the bar, alone, for a while and ordered a drink. Thankfully after a few minutes one of the group got up to order another drink and stood near me. I had the courage to speak to him, and introduced myself and he took me back to the group. Everyone was nice!
In other words--if you are expected there, there is really no reason to be worried. They'll be looking for all the new members of the team. You have to show up, otherwise how will you know when practices and games are? Don't be shy!!
GOOOO!!! You can rev up your social skills and get some exercise. Stop "what if"ing and realize that everyone is going to lurveeee you. Smile!!! Make jokes. Sit pretty. Show them your best and they'll be their best for you.
Wow! A rugby team! I commend you for seeking this out. It sounds like a ton of fun! I understand being wrought with anxiety about this.
You wondered about what if they hate you. What if they love you and can't get enough of you? Assume this will be fun. If they don't like you, you'll sense that after the first meeting because you probably won't like them much either.
You're just going to have to talk yourself into believing the outcome you want is going to happen. "What ifs" aren't helpful ... dismiss those thoughts as quickly as you can.
Great advice, it IS important to remember that everyone else has anxieties too. New situations are scary. Or at least the aniticipation of what will occur at these situations are scary. I always find that I was worried for nothing. You too will realize that you were worried for no reason at all. I think it's great that you're doing this. I hope this is the beginning of a long and satisfying adventure for you!!!!
Thanks everyone! I caught the first few replies before I finished up work for the day and they really settled my nerves - so sincere thanks.
Well I went anyways. I walked past the bar and was seriously thinking of making a run for it and then I remembered all your posts...so I took the plunge and went in. I eventually found the group I was to meet and it all turned out ok. About 15 people turned up, about half of them knew eachother already but some were like me and turned up on their own. I got chatting to lots of different people and spent 3.5 hours there! It was genuinely good fun and we had lots of laughs. Its a mixed teams so it'll be a great social thing too ;-)
It was, and to be honest, still is scary but I'm really glad that I went. Plus it'll be great experience for me to sharpen up my social skills and tendancy to be a bit shy as I've planned a 6 week trip across China and Russia (trans-siberian railway) for this summer - and guess what I'm going SOLO there too so I'll need to be more outgoing! Who knows what got into me a few weeks back to book that!!!
Baby steps ehh!
Thanks so much for your kind words, they really made all the difference to me!
A train trip through Russia and China on your own?? You've got b*lls of steel girl! If you have the nerve to do that then I'm quite sure you can accomplish anything, let alone joining a rugby team. Always wished I had the confidence to play a team sport.
My former and future me.
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