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Old 02-06-2007, 04:53 PM   #1
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Default Grr!

Sorry! I know I complain far too much...but sincerely, I am about to snap sometimes. It's my mom again, and no one wants to do anything about her. But it's not bad enough for me to go anywhere or do anything about it.

She kicked the dog earlier, and my sister said something about it. And my mom just snaps on everyone and names all their faults, "I hate you! You're fat and I wish I never had you! Get out of the house!"

Those types of things. -=sighs=-

I just can't wait until I leave. I love my dad a lot...so I just feel bad for leaving...but if she died, I wouldn't really care. Maybe be upset for a day, but I know it's better without her. I don't really have sympathy for her...even if she's sick...she could have more control than she does.
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Old 02-06-2007, 05:33 PM   #2
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Hi, Gamerchick,

If she could control it, she wouldn't be sick. That's the doggone rotten part of it. Of course you're mad at her--she says awful mean things--and there's no excuse for that except her illness, which isn't being treated. (I know this from your other posts.)

Prayer sometimes helps--not by changing the other person, but by changing our own mental state. I'm not talking about any specific religion--you could pray to a tree, it doesn't matter. "Please help my mom, and please help me." And pray that she doesn't die. You think you would only feel bad for a day, but these kinds of situations have lots of ripples.

It certainly sounds bad enough to me that you ought to talk to a trustworthy adult, as I've said before. Isn't there ANYONE you could talk to? I'm sure there is--please find someone. I'm glad you come here to share with us Chicks, but we're not there with you and can't give you the face to face stuff.

Thanks for checking in. I really care what happens to you, Gamer, and I hope you can get some help with this.

"My religion is kindness." --His Holiness the Dalai Lama

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Old 02-06-2007, 05:47 PM   #3
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I'm not sure what the situation is with your mom, really - from what you're saying, it sounds like she has a mental illness of one sort or another. And I wanted to address your comment about "she could have more control than she does.".

Because, speaking as someone who has a mental illness of my very own (), I can tell you this: she CAN'T. It's an illness; a symptom of an illness you can't see. Can you control your runny nose when you have a cold? It's the same thing. Her lashing out like that, horrible and hurtful though it is, is a symptom of her illness, and until the illness gets treated, there's nothing she can do about the symptoms.

Course I could get started on my diatribe on mentally ill people who deliberately don't get treatment or who refuse treatment, but I won't go there.

The point is, she really can't control it. I know that doesn't make it any easier for you to handle - I really do understand that, trust me, I come from a family with a history of mental illnesses - but blaming her for not being able to control it more than she does isn't going to make it better. It may even make it harder for you to deal with, since you resent her for not having that control.

I wish I had useful advice for you. But the only way to make this situation better would be to get your mom treated...and that can be very very difficult to do.

If you want someone to talk to, I'm here.

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Old 02-06-2007, 08:51 PM   #4
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It's simply that all my family agrees she has some kind of mental illness and that she can't help it, but everyone tells ME to hang in there until I can leave the house instead of treat her. It's really that she acts like a preteen more than anything.

I mean, I understand her for being abusive...and I know WHY she's the way she is...but knowing why doesn't make her better, and I can never truely like her even if she changed.

I simply try my best to ignore it, but she yells at me if I look at her wrong.

I mean...I have a plan for what I want to do after I graduate. On my list of things to do for now is to get over my eating disorder, to lose the weight healthily, and to graduate high school. I will probably move in with my boyfriend's parents, who have the usual problems, but no mental illnesses. I know what I'm going to do...and all I do is wait until I've lost my weight, have graduated, and can leave.
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Old 02-06-2007, 09:27 PM   #5
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I'm sure this isn't much help now, but I had a mixed up family and was over weight as a child, due to eating for emotional reasons. Get this, as soon as a I moved out and all the "drama" in my life stoped, I lost over 50 lbs without even really trying, I guess I just relaxed and the food issues went away. So, that is something you might be able to look forward to, you won't need comfort from food when your life settles down. (Okay, so I didn't keep the weight off, but that's a whole other story )

Weight loss is a marathon, not a sprint.
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Old 02-08-2007, 09:23 AM   #6
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Hi Gamerchick,
I read this thread a couple days ago and had to think carefully about how to reply.
Yes, your mother has a mental illness. You know that, your father knows that, your sister knows that, and probably your mother has some inkling of that as well. I believe that she has been treated in the past for this?

Parents have a responsibility to have their mental illnesses treated. She is sick. There is treatment. The fact that no adult in your life feels that she needs treatment, especially in the face of her abusive behavior toward you makes ME sick!

She kicked the dog? That is one step away from physical abuse of a child! Why is no one up in arms about this potentially volatile situation? She watches a baby, does she not? Where are the lucid adults in your life?

Your feelings are your own. You do NOT have to defend or change your feelings about your mother.

I would say see a counselor, but I know that there is little help for juveniles living at the mercy of their mentally ill parents. THAT is the problem here. See one anyway. Maybe one of these days, if enough people advocate for kids in your situation, there will be options....and kids will stop being victimized by adults who really do know better.
"And that's how Beowulf rolls"~ my DD
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