Oh god, I think about this everyday! What memory do you want? I've got alot (seriously). Let's see, I was a small little thing when I was little. I was my mama's smallest child at birth and now I'm her biggest. I gained weight like any other kid but was never OVERweight because I was a very active, happy kid. Then when I was 9, my mama met my stepfather and that was it. I still have alot of resentment towards my mama for this. We met him one day and he moved in the NEXT day and took over everything. I grew deeply depressed, stopped going outside, stopped having fun, stopped living. I was always a shy kid but after that, I became a recluse which is why I'm such a social reject now. That was just the beginning. I was overweight, out of region, super sensitive, just DIFFERENT so I was always the primary target of every kid at school. I remember in middle school, we had the homecoming nominations and someone nominated me (to get a laugh I'm sure) and everyone just laughed and laughed. I remember finally getting the guts to try out for basketball, making the team, then during our introduction assembly, having the whole school laughing at me, one guy yelling 'Look at the pig!', as I jogged across the gym when my name was announced. I remember opening my locker door, a note falling out, my heart catching and filling with pitiful hope (maybe someone liked me, like in all the romance novels I spent hours and hours consuming), then shaking with humiliation and pain as the author questioned whether or not I was a dyke. I remember countless days of coming home in silent tears because a group of kids had followed me on the walk home, making fun and taunting me. My mama was never there for me emotionally (****, it took my last suicide attempt, the first she knew of, for her to start saying 'I love you' on a regular basis), I didn't want to freak out what few friends I had, so I had no one to turn to....except food of course. So I ate and ate and grew and grew and hated myself more and more everyday. I still have those days. I'm still really messed up emotionally but I do know now that at least I can be screwed up with a kickass body! LOL My weight is basically the only thing I have any real control over.
I agree, this is fascinating. I think the thing that sticks out the most for me... I was chubby, but not fat at all... the only girl with 3 brothers, very active. Once when I was about 8ish, I went to the doctor for a check up. Of course you are always weighed, and they made note of the fact that I had lost 5 pounds, I was really proud. To celebrate, after we left the doctor's office, my mother took me to Baskin Robbins for a banana split.
....
Yeah, I don't get it either.
I also remember during the same time frame, my aunt and uncle came to visit from out of state. My uncle offered me a single Hershey's kiss, and my Papaw happened to be walking by. As my uncle was placing it in my hand, Papaw says "Don't you think you're fat enough, already?"... I'll never forget that moment. Never forget making eye contact with my uncle as the realization of what Papaw said registered, and a complete feeling of worthlessness washed over me. My mother is also large, knowing that she grew up in a household with the man who said that to me helps me understand why she set such horrible food examples, and I don't resent her quite so much.
Last edited by broke away; 02-02-2007 at 05:29 PM.
This thread is so thought provoking. It's kind of sad in way, to see how we all have some unhappy or hurtful memories attached to our weight issues. But what came first the chicken or the egg? I guess the upside is we are all aware of this stuff, or becoming aware, and we're now trying to rise above it. What a great place this is that we can share these things with eachother. I've never shared those memories with anyone. Saying that stuff out loud is pretty hard. But sharing it here is comforting. for all of us!
My mom set a horrible example, she wasn't a very good cook to begin with and she never ate. All I can ever really remember her eating is popcorn and Pepsi. I found out years later that my stepdad (VERY EVIL MAN) had threatened her on a regular basis..........if she got fat he would divorce her!
Then on top of that I ended up having to isolate myself to protect myself. I never had very close friends growing up because I had too many secrets. The one time I tried to tell I paid dearly. So I stole food, mostly junk food that my stepdad would buy for himself. When I was little I was able to burn off the extra calories, I would ride my bike or go for REALLY long walks to stay out of the house. After I moved into foster care, I still stole food but I wasn't as active anymore. I wasn't overweight, but I was starting to pack on the pounds and I had no idea how to be healthy and fit. It just snow balled from there. I don't even know if the food was even really a comfort or just something to do in the middle of the night because I couldn't sleep and I was so good at being sneaky.
The only thing I can remember about my childhood that relates to eating is that I liked to eat the fat off the pork chop or steak. My brothers and sisters wouldn't eat it, so they gave me theirs. My parents neither one ever said a word that this wasn't healthy. I really don't hold it against them, I don't think they knew any better.
I was never overweight at all until I went to college and discovered pizza and junk food. We never had soda/cola in the house when I was growing up. It was always just milk or water, that was our choice.
I do remember a drunk neighbor man telling me that the reason me and my siblings were all "skinny" was because we were poor. I think it stuck with me negatively and unconsciously I may have wanted to "fatten up" so I didn't look poor anymore. I can say now by the time I reached my top weight, he would have thought I was a millionaire. lOl. It is so strange how such small things from childhood can be remembered for 40 yrs.
My mother had phases of bulimia and anorexia when I was a child. I can remember her being so proud to be a GIRL's size 14 at one point - I was around 7 or 8. I thought she looked terrible, my step dad thought she looked terrible, but it's the one time in her life she was happy with herself. I was ALWAYS chubby. My mother never put me on a diet, ever, but she was obsessed with it herself. I didn't end up inheriting my mother's eating disorders, but my own (more of a binge eater).
I know I started sneaking some food here and there around 10 or 11. When I was a little older, things got worse. My parents were alcoholics and drug users, and there were some bad times in our life ... bouncing checks for food in a different state, and collecting cans to make elbow macaroni and margarine (this makes me shudder to think about now). Then there are the times when we did have money, and I realize how crazy we ate. Two pizzas split evenly between our family of 4 - four slices each! I was 15, my brother was 12. Ice cream, any time we had it as far back as I can remember, it was bought specifically for that evening and was also split evenly. They'd unwrap the block of half gallon of ice cream and cut it into 4 slices. There was never ice cream in the freezer to just have a scoop of, because that wasn't the way we ate at our house. It was always feast or famine for us.
I can't explain why, but for some reason (and this still stands) food just makes me HAPPY. I suppose it's my drug of choice. A lot of my family had some addiction of some sort, and mine is food. Thankfully, I think I have a handle on it. I look back at my life growing up, and compared to my life now and my children's lives - they are NOTHING ALIKE and never will be.
Some of you might be interested in perspectives from a person who had problems gaining weight. Some memories I have:
We were Italian-American and all about, pasta, meat, red wine, pizza, cheese, bread, and veggies.
Maternal great-grandfather was a huckster- he drove a truck with fresh produce and had a stall in the city market.
Maternal grandfather owned an Italian restaurant.
On both sides of my family, they had at least a tomato garden. They "made over" vegetables all the time, as in "oh, what a beautiful tomato!"
My maternal grandmother used to say about other people, "They don't eat like we do."
Italian weddings: each member of the wedding party would use 5 lbs of flour to make a batch of cookies for the wedding reception. Guests would line up with paper bags to take home the cookies.
Christmas: lots of cookies to give to neighbors.
Alcohol: Made their own wine at least once a year. Drank red wine with meals.
Activity level: mostly manual laborers, walked everywhere (store, church, etc.) so the activity level off-set the calorie consumption (my guess).
My mother's wedding dress: My mother was petite, but she only weighed 86 pounds when she married at age 19. I tried on her wedding dress when I was a teenager, and it was printed in my mind that I wanted to be that size when I married (didn't think that I would still be single at 37, and I don't want to weigh 86 lbs.).
My mother didn't buy candy or soda at the store. I never craved candy. I never had a cavity in my life. The most candy I would see was at Halloween and Easter.
I think that I have my mother to thank for good genes, but mostly for the type of groceries she bought and the meals she made.
One thing though, is that I was always the skinniest kid, teenager, and even young adult. People had no problems telling me, "you're so skinny," when I would never tell them that they were fat. People don't seem to have a problem making fun of the skinny. It was just as difficult for me to gain weight, as it probably was for some to lose weight. Some might say it was metabolism, but I'm not sure if it was that or I was really active and I didn't eat a lot of junk food.
When I wanted to gain weight (really become more shapely and fit), I was told to eat whatever I wanted, milkshakes, french fries, just junk! That didn't really work either, except it was affecting my energy level and my blood sugar. After about age 25, I started gaining weight (maybe from 102 to 110 to 115, and then I maintained my weight at 118 for about 12 years).
Recently gained 9 lbs, and now I've lost 4 lbs, and would like to be at 115 again.
That's my story.
I used to teach 4th grade and saw first-hand at that age what was happening to the girls. If their mothers talked about looking fat, so did they, or if their mothers were on diets, so were they. Mothers really influence this area of a daughter's life. I had two girls in my class who were overweight, and the truth was, they ate more than the other kids, at least during the day. Or when they had snacks presented to them, they wouldn't take just one.
Also, when I was studying to be a teacher and took a child and adolescent development class, I learned that some girls develop earlier than others. Girls who develop earlier, often experience a change in how much weight they gain. Sometimes they get unwanted attention from older guys, before they are ready to handle it. Because of this unwanted attention, they subconscioulsy gain weight as a an extra "protective" layer against unwanted male attention.
For girls who develop later, they usually have more positive experiences, looking like a "little girl" longer means they don't have to deal too early with attention from guys.
I wanted to add my "two cents" about my childhood. Then I read through all of yours and my childhood seems to have been blessed compared to some of yours. I am amazed at the will you all have to deal with it and get through this. You are so deserving of all the wonderful things life has to offer and the strength to get to the weight you want to be -- I wish everyone here the best of luck with their weight loss.
I had a food obsessed mother, who when she was dieting, we were too but when she wasn't -- we were rationed the foods she was gorging on. I remember thawing an apple pie out of the freezer just enough so I could eat it all, eating boxes of cereal, etc. before everyone else got home. Unfortunately, these memories also include the 13 gallon brown garbage can I would inevitably use after I became so sick I couldn't hold all the food down. My father was constantly criticizing me about my weight and picking on me but now I look back I think it was because he was so upset with all the weight my mother had gained it was his way of "helping" me. I also remember at the age of 12 or 13 wearing a size 14 and being extremely overweight but thinking back if I had stayed that size I would be a good shape now (5'9"). After I moved out I lost a lot of weight without even trying, there was no one to tempt me or make me eat a meal -- but I still binged, using a coin collection my grandmother had given me to buy ice cream in the middle of the night.
After reading through everything here I've realized that I can no longer hold my mother accountable for my being overweight. She made poor choices that included us but it's up to me now to make the right ones now -- I can' feel responsible for her -- she's still overweight by her own chosing, I have to worry about myself.
This is a great conversation-I have been thinking about this a lot.
When I was 7 years old, my dad moved back to South Africa (where my family had immigrated from when I was baby). My world fell apart when he did that. I had to live with my mom and I resented her sooooo much for it. I love my mother very very much now and we have a great relationship, bit at the time it seemed to me that she took my dad away. I gained ALOT of weight VERY QUICKLY. I would use my allowance to buy candy and I would come home from school at lunch and stuff my face. My mother worked, so there was no one at home to monitor my eating. Boy, that's when it all started. Before my dad left and I got fat in reaction to my mother, I was a super outgoing kid with lots of energy and friends-I was fearless. After that, I just totally retreated into myself. While I have made significant progress in my life, I am still resentful that the little girl I was goteen taken away and I never got to experience my life as someone who is fearless...maybe now I can?
This is a thread that really hits home for me...as I am someone who firmly believes that my NEED for food started in my childhood. I was never abused as a child...but I was basicly abandoned by my parents. I was left alone basicly all the time...they worked 24/7...and my siblings were all alot older that me so I was just in the way.
I turned to food...Food was my love and my comfort. It was there waiting for me when I got home. I went on my first diet at age 9...and was picked on by my family..My nickname given me by my brother was 2 ton. I remember one time being on a diet and keeping my eating log on the ref. and he wrote one time...Now you are just 1.5 ton. Big Sigh.
As I approached middle school..I thankfully did not get picked on to much in school as I found a way to use humour to get me buy. I did become extremely self-conscious of eating at school..so I would not eat at lunch and then when my Dad picked me up I would beg to go the the local Dairy Freeze and get a steak sandwich with fries...then he would drop me off at home..and it was just me and the tv for hours. My mom worked the graveyard shift alot and on the weekends...So I ate and ate. It never occurred to anyone why I was the only one FAT in my family???
I thankfully was blessed with the "such a pretty face" syndrome...and I had thick naturally curly hair...So I had to hear constantly.."If you would only lose weight..you would be so pretty." Man...that one was the worse!!!! Like God wasted a pretty face on me?? I remember the really cute guy moving in next door and I was talking to his sister one day in her room..and he came in a peeped his head in the door and she laughed. I could not see him...but she later told me...He did the balloon face at her...referring to me. Funny how a couple of months later...he jumped at the chance to play a game of spin the bottle with me...and Yeap..He was my first kiss. And he dated and married a chubby girl...LOL!
I remember how a friend called a invited me to dinner and I said..no thanks..I am on a diet..and her mom yelled in the background.."Tell her to come on..She is just doomed to be big." Man..that one still hurts like h*ll!!!!
I remember at my highest weight..my sister having "the worry talk" with me..when for years she was basicly never there for me..when I really needed attention.
I remember having to buy my clothes at Sears only and look for the pretty plus tag. Yuck. And last but not least...I remember my mom telling me over and over ..."Don't eat my food..it is my diet food." Of which she was referring to fruit and cottage cheese...She should of been encouraging me to eat fruit.
Big, big Sigh. This is a great thread..but so sad..how your childhood can really mess with your head forever.
Like another poster...I have someone to love me now..I don't need the food. But the pull is always there...you just have to keep telling yourself..You know better now...but I wish someone would of known better for me all those years ago when I needed someone.
I was a the fat kid in school. I got tormented a lot by my peers. In fact, I remember coming home most days crying because I was teased so ruthlessly. Kids can be mean and parents should teach their children to be more tolerant. In between 7th and 8th grade I had a growth spurt and thinned out. I still thought I was fat. The worst part was that everyone thought that since I had lost the weight so quickly that I must have been pregnant and had an abortion. Where's the logic there? As if jr. high wasn't bad enough already. I went on to High School thinking I was overweight. Now looking back I think I looked great for my frame and that's what I'm trying to get back to. I was more active (and younger) though, so I certainly can't eat like I did back then.
As far as family history, my mother came from a "large" German farming family. The problem was that no one farmed anymore and they still ate like they were laboring for 14 hours a day. Now granted I come from a long line of "big boned" people (we truly are), but I still think a healthy weight is attainable regardless of frame size.
I distinctly remember one family reunion. My mom had lost some weight (she didn't do it in a healthy way, but that's another matter) and was down to a size 14. Everyone was coming up to me concerned that my mother wasn't eating enough! Are you serious? She was a size 14 for goodness sake, she looked great. She wasn't starving! To top it all off I was 12 at the time when I was hearing that generations view on my mother's weight.
I don't remember negative comments about my weight in childhood, but I wasn't given a very good example in regards to healthy eating. I was Daddy's little girl and tried to emulate him. So if Daddy had 4 servings of dinner, then I wanted more too. We always had bread, butter, and salad (iceberg) with every meal. Meals were typically meat heavy and my mother was notorious for overcooking vegetables. We also had a lot of sweets (to this day I swear my mother could have eaten sugar straight out of the bag) and sodas. I also got the "clean your plate there are starving children in Ethiopia/China" bit. If I took extra helpings I had to finish it. I think the only thing healthy we had growing up was red beans & rice (Dad jumped on the Cajun bandwagon in the 80's~I still love spicy food, the one thing good I took away from childhood food memories.)
I remember my sister always being on a diet in high school (she's 7 yrs older.) I always thought she was weird for forgoing French fries for yogurt. What did I know at 7/8yrs old? About 5 years ago she lost a lot of weight on Weight Watchers and she eats very healthy. She has been great inspiration for me on this journey.
Both of my parents have both past on due to heart related diseases (at 56 & 68 yrs of age.) Sometimes I still get angry at them for not taking better care of themselves, but in a way their deaths have spurred me to be healthier and not follow in their footsteps.
This thread has been great for me to read! I think what we should all take from these stories is that there is hope in breaking these ingrained habits! It's hard, but doable and I think acknowledging the past can help with healing.
With me, I remember dreaming about food. I still do, but it's about binges and complicated guilty feelings.
But the earliest I remember was just eating at my grandma's. Eating and eating. I didn't have a lot of friends or things I liked to do except to eat. Eating a lot has just been a big part of my life my entire life. It's the hardest thing to kill the habit.
It's not even eating a lot for comfort, it's just eating to eat. And I still eat to eat. I don't understand how to make it stop. It's so ingrained as part of me.
Wow, I always thought that I didn't have any "weird" childhood things affecting my weight, but this thread has made me remember so much!
I was always TALL as a child, I just reread my baby book a few weeks ago and my mom wrote that as soon as she bought clothes, I had grown out of them. People constantly thought I was much much older than I was (I think that contributed to my maturity growing up as well) and I was always towering above all the other kids. My best friend going up was a short, tiny, thin little girl and I was a tall, about average sized kid. I remember sitting across from her at many meals and she ate so little and so slowly, while I would gobble up my food and ask for seconds. At the time however, I really was growing and I think I did need that food and I was very hungry. I think my overeating habits, however, definitely carried over past the time I was growing!
Another main thing is that my mom was VERY adamant about dieting and "eating healthy". Unfortunately, as I have recently learned as we are both trying to lose some weight (her 10 lbs and me 50 though haha), her ideas of healthy are very skewed! She was, however, very adamant about not having "junk" (chips and chocolate and sweet things) in the house, and I remember being so jealous of all the other kids lunches. I would have a granola bar, bread with little things in it (I HATE THAT to this day. I have just recently trained myself to like whole wheat bread, but I cannot touch bread if it has little seeds or whatever those things are in it), a bruised apple, just stuff that did NOT seem appealing next to the devil dogs and lunchables that other kids got. I remember begging to trade like everyday, and of course no one wanted to!
Eventually my mom decided to go back to school, and she started giving me lunch money instead of packing lunches (just easier) and I started eating school food, which was so grossly unhealthy in the first place. Besides that, I now had money and the ability to make my own food choices, so I went a little wild throughout middle school. It was always a HUGE thing when I was very young if we got to go to a restaurant, if we had access to chocolate or anything, and so it became like a "special event" in which I would splurge. At the time, those things were very rare. As I got older and went out with my friends often, I was at a restaurant at least once or twice a week, but I was still in a "splurge" mindset.
Finally, weight issues which I am still dealing with. To many here I am probably still a child (I am 18) and I am VERY recently (in the past month) learning how wrong I am about certain things. I was first called "fat" in 4th grade, when this boy came up to me and did the whole "this little piggy..." thing. It really hit home with me, even though I am pretty sure I was NOT even close to overweight. I might have been slightly above average, but I think I just seemed so much bigger to the other kids because I was probably half a foot taller than everyone, including the boys! I told my mom that I thought I was fat (I think I remember looking at the scale and seeing 130 something... I was probably somwhere between 5'2 and 5'6) and she blew it off (surprising to me now, because she never blows it off when I talk about how I am overweight now), but the next time I went to the doctor, I naively asked her if I was overweight. I was treated with a full on RANT about how celebrities were making children think they had to be skinny, and my mom joined in talking about courtney cox and rachel aniston and the tv show "friends". Mind you, I RARELY watched tv back then. It basically wasn't allowed in the house, so I don't even know how my mom knew who these girls were . It was pretty ridiculous, and it stuck with me and I guess I didn't want to be "anorexic" like she had described.
Thats about all I can remember now, I'm sure theres more! haha
i was always taller and bigger than the other kids through grade school, and I remember some excruciating xperiences, like an obstancle course where we had to wriggle under a bench, except i couldnt fit. and my mom had to buy me "adult" clothes when I was in like grade 5 b/c no kids clothes would fit me. i always stood out like a sore thumb b/c i was too big and tall and ungainly.
when Mama Cass died my brothers told me it was b/c she was fat and that i would die soon b/c i was so fat too. they scared the bejebbers out of me and it took my mom a lot of effort to calm me down. Of course they also told me that Dracula would get me and that if there was a fly in the bedroom it would suck out all my juices whilst I slept. They were nasty so and so's as kids and I was very gullible.
what kills me is that I was actually not that fat, just had curves and a nice figure, but this was the post-twiggy era and real women had no place in popular life.
i also had no real friends and was different, awkward, bookish, not sporty at all. I don;t know what was cause and what was effect. I was certainly a magnet for bullies, meanies, and other lowlifes. ( was tempted to use some rather nasty words there but am respecting the rules of the board. use your imagination ifd you wish).
my mostly absent dad would also make mean comments about weight, and after my parents got divorced the wannabe stepmother would make comments about my weight and buy me tummy control panties. when I was twelve years old, for pete's sake!!
my mom was always on diets and stuff, i remember one group she went to where they would wegih the women in public, shout out the loss or gain and cheer or boo accordingly. It was horrendous. But my mom never seemed to lose any significant amount. She was the same dress size throughout my childhood and still is now. She wasn;t sporty or anything either but she was always active and walked the dog every evening. She was a little bigger than average but not "obese". Of her two sisters, one is taller and stocky/solid build, the other was tiny, like a little bird.
i also have very little self confidence and I don;t know if it's b/c i was always big and awkward, or if the awkwardness stems from lack of confidence.
At least reading this thread I know I am not alone.
for all of us!
Like God wasted a pretty face on me?? I remember the really cute guy moving in next door and I was talking to his sister one day in her room..and he came in a peeped his head in the door and she laughed. I could not see him...but she later told me...He did the balloon face at her...referring to me. Funny how a couple of months later...he jumped at the chance to play a game of spin the bottle with me...and Yeap..He was my first kiss.
And he dated and married a chubby girl...LOL!
And last but not least...I remember my mom telling me over and over ..."Don't eat my food..it is my diet food." Of which she was referring to fruit and cottage cheese...She should of been encouraging me to eat fruit.
. It was pretty ridiculous, and it stuck with me and I guess I didn't want to be "anorexic" like she had described.
