I realised my first post on here was mega negative and that isn't really me... I guess when you regain the weight you have bust a gut to lose it can get you down, but I cant focus on the negatives.
So here is my story (more for myself really so don't feel the need to read it all haha as it will probably be long and boring)
I was a skinny child... so skinny... the nurses always worried the **** out of my mum saying I was too thin... and there started the battle with my weight, my mum started to give me more food (not that I am in any way blaming my mum) then I got greedy... by the time I was 13 I weighed 11 stone, that's when I went on my first diet, bless my mum she did try everything and for a while I grew and my weight stayed the same, when I turned 15 I went on my first real diet where I got obsessed and my food intake got dangerously low, my weight fell dramatically and I got down to 9 and a half stone... then 8 and half... then 7 and a half... I went from 11 stone to 7 and a half stone within 4 months and I had no plans on stopping, I would eat half an apple for breakfast and the other half for lunch... for dinner I would have half a tin of veg soup and that was it... and then lie and tell my mum I had eaten while she was at work, even going to the point of making food and giving it to the dogs and throw my lunch in the bin at school or hand it out to my friends, but obviously she could tell I was losing weight and once I got below 8 and a half stone, she began to worry, in the end she forced me to the doctors and they scared me into eating again... they said with my height and build I was just below healthy weight for my height, they set me a goal of between 8 and a half stone and 9 stone, so the weight slowly started to come back on... but I didn't need to worry now, because I was skinny right? I wasn't fat anymore.. I would stay skinny... all my friends did!
Wrong! I got to my healthy weight... then kept on going, I avoided scales, avoided mirrors, by the time I was in my early 20's I was around 12 stone to 12 stone 7 lbs and that's where I stayed for a while, then mid 20's I got a new job in London, with an office who were very big on lunches out and drinks after work, my weight started to creep up again, I would go on some fab diet and lose a few pounds, then gain them again and that went on until one day I realised I needed to do something, none of my clothes fitted, I noticed stretch marks, so I braved the scales... I had gone up to 16 stone!
I was so shocked, how did I let myself get that big? How did it happen?!
So I went online and researched quick weight loss, I knew I needed to change my life style but I wanted the weight gone fast! I found a website about total food replacement... saw the stats of how much people lost and how quickly they lost it... so that was it, I ordered a months worth of food and started... I lost 9lbs in the first week, 7lbs the next, 5lbs the next, I was over joyed, I was going down a clothes size every 6 weeks. I set myself a goal of 11 stone on total food replacement and the lose then next stone - stone and a half with healthy eating and exercise... in May 2012 I was 16 stone, by September I was 11stone 4lbs, my food replacement had run out so I thought I'll go to healthy eating now, the first week I gained, which is normal with that type of diet, the next week I stayed the same, so I said to myself that I would try and learn how to maintain before readjusting my calorie intake to start losing weight again, it was tough doing a total food replacement, I had to give up on my social life, stopped drinking, didn't eat anything apart from the food packs I was provided with, its not an easy thing to do, so I enjoyed being able to have a normal life, I did really well and managed to get back to 11stone 4lbs and stay there, all through Christmas, with the plan of new year new diet (yet again) but I found my social life again... I enjoyed going out, I enjoyed the shocked looks on peoples faces when they saw me and saw how much weight I had lost.
So I started going out more, ignoring the gym, eating what I wanted... once again I honestly (stupidly) thought I would be able to do the same as my friends and not worry... once again I was wrong... the weight crept back on and in Jan I got on the scales and once again... was shocked to see I had gone up to 14 stone 5lbs.
I was so down over it, whats the point if I keep losing it and keep putting it back on again? Im back into some of my clothes I bought during my weight lose, the majority of my clothes don't fit anymore. But being down about it isn't going to fix my history of weight issues.
But this time I have learnt, I am not going through all this work to lose weight only for it to come back on yet again.
Losing weight is the easy part, its the life style change that's the difficult part.
My life is good, much better then it has been for a long long time, after all the idiots who treated me badly, judged me for being fat and made cruel comments, Ive got an amazing boyfriend who adores me despite the fat, I've got a good job etc so its just this stupid weight
Im upping my exercise gently and keeping a track of my calories per day, no more stupid goals of losing a stone a month so slowly get my weight back down.