Husband not legally married to all of me......

[Unna]

griffam: It sounds like you are really in pain and I do think your best medication will be veggies and movement! It has helped me out substantially.... I used to feel fatigued everyday, sort of depressed, took lots of naps - but now, with calorie restriction (15-1700 per day) and more veggies and fruits, and regular movement (love jogging), I can't even nap anymore! Of course I still have some fatigued days now and then, but not everyday

I'm excited to hear about your journey! What is your plan???

To the other posters: For those of us who have studied psychology or philosophy (kaplods has obviously studied psychology), we realize that humor is a protection mechanism that manifests itself in 'seeminly insignificant joking.' Joking/sarcasm also helps one to emotionally integrate hard-to-deal-with life situations that he/she may face.

The joke is usually light, insignificant, or small, but often covers up something more profound. It is quite obvious that the poster feels very badly 'for letting her very loving husband down.' She feels badly because, in her perception, she is a different woman now, not the woman her husband married - she sleeps too much, her weight is keeping her from doing things, and she is worried that she is compromising their future together.

Jokes are funny - but they aren't merely funny.

I think kaplods intuitively picked up on the poster's deep emotional pain, the pain that she tried to cover with a joke, and simply wanted to make her feel better. She relayed her own personal story of health issues and marriage, which could possibly help the poster see that there are many cases of marriage where a partner unexpectantly changes, perhaps by becoming handicapped or unwell.

If you can help someone see that he/she is not alone in the world, that the problem is shared by many, then you can help that person avoid feeling even more alientated and more shamed.

[Elliemar]

Hi Griffam and welcome. I'm also in the UK (oh the problems our British sense of humour can cause - excellent explanation there, Unna!) and also on SW, for the second time in my case, but determined to make it the last.

You say your hubby does the cooking - well, I think you need to get him on board cooking SW-stylee. I'm sure he'd enjoy the food too as I cook loads of things that noone would ever guess was "diet" food. Does he know how much your weight is bothering you? If not, then talk to him and I'm sure he'll want to help and get involved too.

I used to have a high-pressure job too and know how hard it can be to make changes 9especially with exercise) when you work long hours, but by making little changes at a time and all the encouragement you'll get here, I'm sure you'll get there!

[eightiesbabe84]

I also put myself down a lot. I am the charge nurse on a busy medical/surgical floor. I work with a lot of younger (as well as older) RNs. I waddle around as fast as I can but I feel like a lumbering bag of fat most of the time. I usually go home feeling like I got the H--- beat out of me. I joke around alot and am very self-deprecating. I guess I want to make lite out of "the elephant in the room" because I am in a health-oriented environment and feel like I have to acknowledge how I look. I guess I just want to joke around to make people feel comfortable around me. It really does just make me feel worse in the long run though. I have been battling my weight for a long time (over 30 years) and I guess its kind of a coping mechanism. I hate it when I do it but its sort of become a habit (like cafeteria pie--neither are good for me).

[eightiesbabe84]

I also put myself down a lot. I am the charge nurse on a busy medical/surgical floor. I work with a lot of younger (as well as older) RNs. I waddle around as fast as I can but I feel like a lumbering bag of fat most of the time. I usually go home feeling like I got the H--- beat out of me. I joke around alot and am very self-deprecating. I guess I want to make lite out of "the elephant in the room" because I am in a health-oriented environment and feel like I have to acknowledge how I look. I guess I just want to joke around to make people feel comfortable around me. It really does just make me feel worse in the long run though. I have been battling my weight for a long time (over 30 years) and I guess its kind of a coping mechanism. I hate it when I do it but its sort of become a habit (like cafeteria pie--neither are good for me).

[georgeshair]

Wow, this thread has got very heavy! When I read the title, I just assumed the OP was joking. My husband used to call me 'fat a**e' before I reached my goal weight, but it was just a joke - now he calls me 'Slim'. I honestly don't mind either one because I know he loves me.

Maybe if you read a thread in the UK forum, you should expect some British humour?

[theox]

Humor (esp. culture-specific humor) can be difficult to pick up on when it's written - there aren't cues like tone of voice or facial expressions to rely on.

[olguitha]

i think this whole fight scared griffam away.

[theox]

Hopefully not. She last posted a couple days ago. griffam, are you out there?

[Violet73]

First, I want to say that there is no need for people to argue over her post and analyze it to death. She needs support and not for her post to be dissected. She was making a joke. I understood the joke and didn't take it seriously. She is wanting support.

Anyway, my thoughts to the OP are this: Have you had your thyroid checked? You have dry skin? What about hair loss? sometimes the outer third of your eyebrows will be thinner with thyroid issues. Have you avoided gluten products? That may help with the shortness of breath when walking, etc along with feeling tired, etc.

These are just some thoughts. I'm glad you have a supportive husband and I understand your need to want to be the size you were when you married. You can do this. I follow a low carb plan and I'm gluten free. It helps the mood along with weight loss. I can have some horrible Pms.

I wish you luck and I hope that this board will be more supportive and help you in your weight loss journey.

[Princess Squish]

Aww I love British humor because it truly is a lot like me. OP I thought it was cute. Welcome and stick around. I tend to do more reading than posting, but I go through spurts of posting and then not posting.
You'll learn a lot here, and most of the time you can get a lot of support. ((hugs))

[griffam]

Hi Folks I am really sorry to have caused such debate and confusion. In answer to the main question the answer is yes it was a comment made in jest. I thought I had explained quite clearly that one of the reasons that I have ended up on the larger side is because of my husbands absolutely devoted commitment to me whatever and however. When we married I was so slim and really fit. Since then I have piled the weight on. Albeit following the birth of two children when I was rapidly approaching forty. The fact that my husband still adores me and we have an amazing relationship the weight has increased. the legally not married to thing came out of a conversation after I realised what I was doing to myself....the light hearted...." well all it means to me is that there is only that weight that I am not married to" If anything I have to for the first time in my life tell him in a nice way to not be so nice. I am the breadwinner and a company director....himself is a devoted full time head of logistic domestics (house husband) who takes his role so seriously. Even to the point that the minute my car pulls up, he is down the steps opening the door, lifting my bags out and escorting me into a house that has been cleaned, a dinner cooked and I get to sit on the sofa with the first of many offerings of drinks and food to catch up the kids....any attempts to get up and clear up, or anything else are soon rebuffed firmly but lovingly...with a "you earn the bacon I look after the house" It has been hard to explain that this kindness is killing me and I need to move about a little. It is getting there and I am being met with appropriate meal choices now and the offer of a quick walk around the village.

I am very touched however at peoples care and concern...you are all amazing folks. Sorry if I may find it hard to subscribe to any thoughts around all the emotions etc associated with diets, I am a black and white girl ergo...I ate to much and didnt move as much as I should and now I am fat. I would love to stick around and hope that I can offer support in the same as I have seen it offered to me......

[griffam]

One more thing....I REALLY need the support as I am off to The canaries in a couple of weeks for a girlie break with six zumba-tastic friends. None of these work like I do and have so much more time to exercise and think about diet....for me it is out of the door at & on a normal day and late home....8pm on Friday....MOnday I fly to Glasgow at six returning at (pm. This is why I need the help...I am Sooo reliant on other people for what I eat except for the evenings and then sometimes I eat the wrong things just because I can...

[theox]

Hi griffam, I'm glad we didn't scare you off. Have you looked into using a specific plan (e.g., Weight Watchers) or type of diet (e.g., low carb)? A lot of those types of plans have their own cookbooks or suggestions for the sorts of things you should eat. There are pre-packaged meal plans too, but they tend to be pretty expensive.