My ex husband (keyword EX) told me one time that if I got too fat, he'd divorce me. I beat him to the punch. Too bad for him:-)
My current husband told me (when I asked) that yes I was over weight but no I wasn't fat to him but that he loved me anyway I was. God Bless him for his honest answer.
Even when I lose this weight, I'd still avoid dating any guys that put down others based on weight or anything else. If I ever should gain the weight back, I don't want someone who will put me down for it.
No offense to the men on here...but so many men really are so superficial and just want a trophy.
I would never consider a man like this, too. First of all, if he puts down large woman he is putting down me. Even if I manage to slim down and maintain a lean figure being large will always be part of my past.
Also, it tells me something about the kind of person the man is. If he puts down large women, he will probably put down coloured and disabled people, too...
If he doesn't love you for who you are he doesn't deserve you. I will also offer this advice - you will never lose weight if you're doing it for someone else, you should be doing it for you and you only.
I know that my Fiancee will love me if i'm over weight, normal weight or under weight because he loves me for who I am. If you can't say the same for your significant other then maybe he isn't the right match for you.
I would never consider a man like this, too. First of all, if he puts down large woman he is putting down me. Even if I manage to slim down and maintain a lean figure being large will always be part of my past.
Also, it tells me something about the kind of person the man is. If he puts down large women, he will probably put down coloured and disabled people, too...
My opinion is that whatever is the worst way a man treats people (his family, service persons, strangers, whatever) is the way you should expect him to treat you after you're married 10 years. No matter how much better he treats you *now*, it won't last unless that's how he treats everyone.
My opinion is that whatever is the worst way a man treats people (his family, service persons, strangers, whatever) is the way you should expect him to treat you after you're married 10 years. No matter how much better he treats you *now*, it won't last unless that's how he treats everyone.
Hear hear Georgia, very well said, especiallly the self gratification through porn. I feel that the 'norm' in the media is now based round pornographic ideography, boob jobs, fake tans etc etc
It takes a true man to have a real loving intimacy with a real woman.
Agree with that. And would go further. The 'norm' is also based on the fashion industry's obsessions with making women showcase their clothes by effectively being as skinny (and 'absent') as a wire coathanger. Men see this projected Perfect Woman - which essentially tells women they should resemble a pre-pubescent boy - and are now taking that as the 'ideal'.
But any bloke that tells you he wants you to conform to THAT unhealthy anorexic ideal - basically should get the bum's rush. I think we need to challenge this as women, and stand together to say *You know what - not only is that unobtainable for most of us but it's also actually ugly*. But for me I do wonder if there's some subconscious element of fear of women and misogyny, in this projected Ideal.
Last edited by PhatPhoenix; 11-25-2009 at 06:09 AM.
My ex boyfriend never outright told me I was overweight but he would do things like tell me I couldn't eat this or that, yet he'd still eat it because the guy could live off fast food and never gain a pound. Our relationship ended years ago, but it still irked me that he did that.
My mother also has commented on my weight for years. She's always been very thin and her efforts to "help" in the past just brought my whole self esteem down and I'd end up gaining more. Every time we'd go clothes shopping together the topic of weight would come up. "What size is that?... You shouldn't be wearing something that big." Now that I have the motivation and I'm loosing weight at a healthy rate, my mother still nags me over it.
I think the reason these things hurt so much is because they come from people we care about. Now I'm in a truly happy relationship, but I'm loosing the weight for myself.
When I met my ex-husband I was 300 or so lbs. Didn't look like I weighed that much though. We got serious in our relationship fairly quickly - he was going through a divorce and we ended up moving in together in three months.
I went into the relationship feeling sexy, secure about myself (for a larger woman) and desireable. In six months he had me feeling like I was hideous. He would always comment about sexy/beautiful women while we were watching television or talk about how "hawt" some woman was walking by. He was obsessed with women's breasts - especially those women with large natural breasts and tiny tiny waists. He told me all his fantasies about being with a tiny gymnast type. He told me all about ex's that he had been with - how they were all petite and beautiful and how he loved having sex with them. (He needed to watch porn DURING and BEFORE having sex with me most of the time and claimed this was normal!) I'd never been in a long term serious relationship before... I was 19 when I met him and didn't know the difference.
He was constantly on me about losing weight. I really began trying... and lost about 20lbs. He said he couldn't tell. I was really upset. I had been swimming in our public pool... (yes me in a bathing suit in public!) a hundred laps a day. It was exhausting. I felt good about myself, but he always found a way to bring me down.
I really really loved this man... and he was also very overweight - around 280lbs at 5'7". I couldn't understand how he was sooooo incredibly critical of me, when he supposedly loved me with all his heart.
Whenever I stood up for myself we would get in HUGE fights. One of the final straws for me was when he took me to Vegas on vacation and on our anniversary night, told me he wanted to take me out. He took me to a lovely dinner and a fabulous show... AND THEN... to a STRIPCLUB called Olympic Gardens. He'd actually taken me to strip clubs before and let me tell u... it was particularly awful (he knew I hated it). Most of those women weren't hot enough for him either... lol. EXCEPT this night... there was one... and he told me he wanted to take her back into the VIP section! I know what goes on back there! It's also SUPER EXPENSIVE! I was like... if you're going back there I'm going too! I wanted to make sure nothing "happened". This girl was all up on him and I felt sooo incredibly awful as this beautiful girl was grinding all over him. It was killing me inside. Afterward he had the gall to yell at me telling me I made the stripper uncomfortable. Wow. Wow. I should have left him right then and there. I will say that this turned into being a much bigger deal for me than all of the other stuff that had happened. Later on this was major motivation for me to leave. Sigh.
Long story short... I ended up staying with him for another 9 months... we had been engaged for two years at this point (together for 5 years) and about to get married in Hawaii... I thought maybe if I confronted him about his behavior he would change. He said he would TRY. I believed him... went on to marry him. Only to realize three months later that nothing had changed. He loved me but didn't love my body and never would. I could probably get to my goal weight and he would want me to lose another fifty pounds. He also told me he would never love me like he loved his first wife. I met her and she was no catch. Lol. So that was also hurtful.
I left him. I found someone new... someone who LOVES me through and through. Someone who doesn't care how much I weigh! Someone who understands me and laughs with me and doesn't look at other women all the time! He is my BEST FRIEND and I thank God I found him. He weighs 128lbs and he is SOOOOO FRICKIN BEAUTIFUL inside and out! JACKPOT! Lol. You would think i would feel like a rhinocerous next to him... but honestly, he makes me feel beautiful, loved, and wanted.
To all the women out there with a guy that doesn't appreciate and love you for who you are... get out. Don't live like that. It will be the easiest "dead weight" you can get rid of! You never know what is waiting right around the corner!!!
My boyfriend is a fit guy. He's an officer in the Army, he has worked as a personal trainer in gyms, he was even a body builder in college! We don't have a perfect relationship, but he has always been great about my weight issues. He always tells me he thinks I'm beautiful no matter what, but he's proud of me because he knows it makes ME feel good. He's also supportive without being overly suggestive of me needing to lose weight. He offers tips, he'd run with me at my pace even though he could run laps around me, he bought me the Wii Fit, but most importantly, he always let's me know that he'd love me even if I gained all my weight back.
I have actually never been in a relationship where the guy made me feel bad. It's usually my own self-esteem issues getting in the way and them telling me I worry too much about it. I think I had one drunk guy who I wasn't even interested in assume that I was hitting on him. He said "sorry...not into big women." It just made him look so stupid and rude, that I wasn't even offended by it.
I know this is weird to compare my father to men I've been in relationships with, but you know the saying, girls marry their fathers. My dad definitely shaped my perception of men in general. I love my dad, I really do, and I know he wants the best for me and loves me for who I am. However, he's definitely made some comments that hurt about my weight. He's a big guy, and I know he has his own insecurities about weight, and he also very much prefers beanpole women. My mother and stepmother are both very petite and tiny. He has often said things like "you'll be pretty when you lose the extra weight" and "you can't pull that off, you're a big girl." Or if we're watching a movie or TV and there are girls who are clearly smaller than me, he'll call them fatties and such. He doesn't do it intentionally, but I have definitely lost some self-esteem from things like that.
I guess maybe I feel like I'm in a slightly different situation. I can't really tell if he's saying it or what.
He says I'm beautiful no matter what, but at the same time I plan on meeting his parents in 4-5 months. After I told him I was considering WW he flat out said to me that he didn't want his parents to see me at this weight because he didn't want them to say no or not like me. (He's Indian, parent approval is a big issue.) He always supports me and never ever has said anything critical besides this. I felt so hurt, confused, and angry. It still hurts me to this day and I'm not sure I'll ever be the same way about it. My confidence really took a dent with that fight. Btw he's no model either, he's 230+ lbs and needs to take better care of himself.
My father at the same time says things. And it really upsets me. My father lost 80 lbs when he was around 25 and has kept most of it off his entire life. He just constantly obsesses over his weight because he's in the military and gives me **** for it. I finally told him to leave me alone and stop commenting on it.
I think it's very important to be happy inside yourself. Maybe you aren't happy with your weight but you need to love yourself. If you don't love yourself then you will allow these toxic people into your life and make you feel worse about yourself. Do not EVER depend on someone for your happiness....they will fail and you will be miserable. If someone tears you down...then stay away from them. It really IS that simple. It took me a while to learn this
My other half frequently passes nasty little comments about my weight...and actually sees it as "encouragement" in my attempts to lose weight.
If I pointed out that he had a tiny todger would it make him better in the sack? No!
Tuts @ men...very often their logic is up their arse.
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!
My husband has always told me I am beautiful and he loves me despite the fact that I have gained about 150lbs since being with him. Recently he did tell me that my weight was affecting our marriage though. He said he know I am unhappy and because I am unhappy I am making everyone around me unhappy since I don't want to take pictures or go places or meet new people. He knows the reason I don't do these things is because of my weight so he said he wants me to either be happy with how I look now or do something about how I look to get happy.
While it bothered me at first, after thinking about it I realized everything he said was true. He didn't say anything in a hurtful way at all or in a mean way.
I say dump the jerk!
I think we need to challenge this as women, and stand together to say *You know what - not only is that unobtainable for most of us but it's also actually ugly*. But for me I do wonder if there's some subconscious element of fear of women and misogyny, in this projected Ideal.
Short Answer- YES!
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!