Why I am tough on myself......
I can be very tough on me but let me tell you why. I have 47 years of experience with me and though I have many successes in my life I am well versed in failure and in glory when it comes to my weight. If I allow any leaway in my food I will spend more time in a major yo -yo than in weight loss. I can not give myself any excuses for to do so is to sabotage my own efforts, the quick way for me to give up. To long with little achievement is so disheartening and then I feel so bad about myself and then the cycle begins again. It is a mind game I can not afford to play with myself. My life is on the line. Plus at my age I can not bring myself to be defeated in living a full life ,a confident life. I am not willing to die defeated by nothing more than my distructive desires. I deserve more. I want more and I will have more. I will not give in to one little piece won't hurt when I know the door it opens. As I have prove even to myself without a doubt a the beginning of this process...I can't take "a day off" without throwing myself completely out of ketosis. I can not take the time to start and stop , start and stop. I know from experience it is my sure way to defeat, twice three times the time to achieve is that much more slack time for failure. Well I have been on this forever and I want toeat this and this and so on. I can't do that to myself. I have spent years doing that....that is how I have gotten where I am.
Years of dreams are forever lost....things of youth and well, it happens but I am not leaving this planet with all my dreams behind me, if I can help it in any way. I must make food a non focus in my life and do what I must to keep this body healthy as possible and easier to function. I want the program to become second nature to me not something I have to do. Automatic. It takes time but to stick with it and keep a good mind set until it does become second nature is the key to permanent change.
Food is a fuel and as long as I think of it in any other way I am lost. I will be "lost" for the rest of my life. No food or taste is worth the price I have paid for it. Depression, lack of confidence,
choosing not to do things that will put me in a situtation to be embarassed, the awful looks, snide remarks, sorrow when I look in the mirror , feeling less than the person I am and then to not even know who that is in the mirror. A million other things it has cost me and I am not willing to pay that price any more for the sake of a few minutes of flavor. I am paid up in full it is time for a harvest of freedom from my taste buds. They have ruled my life and I AM taking it back. The clarity of my life long mind games is imprinted in my soul. I have given permission to have food rule my life it is a tyrant I will not tolerate any more. This is my problem and attitudes which I had to change to reclaim me So that is why I cut no slack I know what it has cost me and it has been considerable. Thank all for listening. I hope you understand.
Hanging tough and Loving you all.